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LMM:

I'm sure your Mom would like to see those 5 more often, doesn't she? One by one, I'd invite them for a whole weekend so they can show you a more cost-efficient way to do something that shouldn't have a price tag attached to it. The only way your sibs are going to shut their clams is by having a taste of your caregiving life and all the sacrifices you continue to make in the name of love. ... I bet they won't last 24 hours.

"Angelic" is an understatement. You've earned those wings, so don't let their perception of you become your reality.

-- Ed
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Don't allow them to treat you this way. Ask for the money you need for your mother and yourself. Involve your mother in the decision making After all it is her money. Don't despair you are not alone. There are millions of caregivers looking for similar answerers. Try to find a caregiver support group it will work wonders Good luck and God bless you because you are a great daughter trying to help your mother the way you are.
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in all my years ...not many but lots of clients including family i have learned alot but one of the common factors is money and finances . one thing i do when this is aoused in a situation is exactly what i have read here and that is get the medical poa. but have a family meeting and deligate if they want to point out the problems explain to them they should be part of the solution and that is by joining the care team instead of hanging on the sidelines just as it takes a village to grow us up it takes one to do the opposite and unfortinutly it becomes evident in situations like these... good luck and god bless
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Always a problem when the caregiver doesn't have access/control of the money to care for the parent.
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I am shocked! I cannot believe these siblings. I wonder how they would feel if this happened to them when they needed care from their children. I think sometimes these people are in such denial of the way life works. My brother just does not want to know anything about what happens with our parents. They are both in assisted living but our mother is in memory care. I am the POA for both of them. I do everything for them. Pay the bills, take supplies to them, visit twice a week, deal with my mom's horrifying transformation. She does not know me anymore but I go to see her because I do it for myself. I love her so much. My dad does not visit anymore because she does not recognize him and it hurts so much. My brother visits about once every six weeks. Big whoop. None of my sons or family members visit. My parents were terrific grandparents to them. What is wrong with these people? They get angry when I ask them to visit. They say that they want to remember them the way they used to be. What fantasy world do they live in? I have given up talking to anyone in the family about the sadness I feel. I cannot share it with anyone because they would rather rock and roll their way through life and not ace reality while we caregivers suffer in silence. I am so glad to put this in writing and share with people who understand.
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Your siblings should be very grateful for what you are doing. It is no easy thing to put your life on hold to be caregiver to your mother. You are the one who knows what the expenses are and probably will know how best to handle the finances should your mother eventually need nursing home care. Seems to me that your siblings are a little too concerned about money being left to them - when you should be getting some kind of stipend for your services. Seems to me that all too frequently, the ones who do the most are treated with ingratitude and get no reward for their sacrifice of service no matter the cost. Not that you can put a price on that, but certainly it's the least they can do to show their appreciation for what you are doing. Bless you for being there for your mother!
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One my own sib does the same things. I finally realized maybe even he doesn't know why he complains so much about what I do! Not up to me to fiugre it out but only I can protect myself from him. So I no longer try to communicate with him. I'll ask my Mom to ask him if I have a question about the sib care schedule or how to use a new piece of equipment. I greet him when he comes over their house while I'm there but that's all the conversation I'll initiate. He never greets me or says goodbye to anyone when he's leaving. Mom complains if I lose it after he's insulted me etc. and tries to get me and others to leave early if she thinks he is coming over. About his behavior she says, that's just how he is. Sometimes adds he does a lot for us. She forgets all that the other sibs do? So now I tell her ahead of time when I'm arriving, saying I know I'm on his "list" so prefer that if he is there that he be gone by that time.
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I just try to avoid them. They never had a problem all these years with letting me do about 99 percent of the work until they started thinking about getting an inheritance. Parents said they did not want them to control finances, etc. so I figure that I will always be a target and nothing that I can do about it, so I just try to avoid contact for my own well being.
If you are the one doing most of the work, it is common sense that you have to have finances available to take care of them. I didn't get any money at all for years, so having siblings suddenly kick up a sand storm about things does not set well with me at all. All those times I told them about problems they didn't want to hear about - but suddenly they are SO concerned... I know people who were never there for their parents, but the neighbors were - and you can guess that the neighbors got nothing for their trouble, while the absent child got everything.
Look out for yourself the best you can.
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My niece has POA. When my mother was in my home and I paid for a caregiver, clothes, food, etc., and sent my niece the bill, she refused to reimburse me. Subsequently, my mother had to be hospitalized, my niece transferred her to a nursing home without telling me or my brother and put "do not resucitate" on her orders. We have found out that it's all about money.
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