My dad's house is in the process of being sold. We tried renting but neither person worked out. He decided to sell. When he first made the decision, he did not mention to me. I found out when I went to visit him one day at his facility and he had the deed to his house in his room. He had called the court house and they faxed it to him. The guy that wanted to buy had some issues with the process so he backed out. Now we have a potential buyer and everything is going as it should. I have worked hard to the get the house ready for inspection and etc. A few weeks ago the first potential buyer called and said he was interested again. Dad had told him to call me knowing that we are in the process with the current person. The reason I think he is trying to sabotage is because a family member told me to watch him because he will try to do that. This is very nerve wracking! He keeps talking about renting it again. I hope this all made sense. I'm about to lose my mind!!!!
With that said, tell your father you will not assist because as he has stated many times he is not considered mentally incapable. He is on his own 100%, You will no longer help get the house in order nor participate in the rental aspect of the house. Yep, he will become upset and possibly throw a temper tantrum. If that happens, calmly tell him you see he is upset and you will come back another day when he is more calm. Then leave.
Your mental health is priority. Refuse to be drawn into his manipulation. And, yes it will be difficult but it is necessary. He needs to understand that your help is vital and not to use manipulation to get what he wants. Actually, you will need to start manipulating him in a sense, LOL.
He is in a nursing home. He has tried many times over the years to sabotage things even before this. He has people thinking that I do not know how to do anything.. yet I'm the only one who visits regularly and has kept the house up, handled his business and etc.
The POA is immediate. Meaning it was invoked the moment he signed it. I would consult with a lawyer concerning what you can do in this instance. If it was me and I was told I had the power, I would sell it. See how your POA reads. My Moms said I could sell. Nothing about she had to have cognitivity problems and a doctor sign off needed.
He can’t stress you out unless you allow it due to lack of clear boundaries, or enmeshment, dysfunctional relationship, Rescuing, etc.
Then, I would hire a realtor.
From your profile you state he has a history of trying to manipulate you and your time, so why would this be any different? Is he just trying to get you to pay attention to him? Does he have a history of mental illness? Does he have a diagnosis of cognitive impairment? Seems like he has dementia... has he ever had the test at his primary care clinic appointment, at his annual Medicare wellness exam (which is free)?
Since you are an only child and he is single, do what I did with my Mom: go online and download 2 copies of the PoA doc for his state. Make sure it is durable and check all the boxes for authorities. Don't sign it yet. Tell him that if he wants your help he'll need to go to the notary with you to have both copies signed and legally finalized. If he doesn't do it, stop helping him unless you're a masochist. But don't make a threat you aren't willing and able to carry out.
If he doesn't have a PoA he may eventually become a ward of a court assigned 3rd party guardian because you won't have any power to help him. Make sure to tell him this.
You don't have to be a nervous wreck or lose your mind if you have a plan and boundaries. You must be willing to walk away if he jerks you around. Why stick around for that? You have the control: to be enabled to help him legally or to walk away and report him to APS.