My wife, 71 has lost all interest in anything other than walking up and down our street. She has wandered on 2 occasions when I had to call the police to find her. I have recently placed an air tag on her shoe that shows her location, but still, I cannot keep her home, and I cannot assure her safety.
She refuses to shower, wash her hair or take any meds. I am at my wits end and cannot see this continuing. Placing her would break my heart, but I tell myself that she may be better off and even happier with activities and other people around her.
I worked in a Memory Care ALF in 2019/2020 as a front desk receptionist and met with lots of spouses who had NO other choice but to place their loved one with us, for safety reasons. They'd come by all the time to visit their spouse and spend time with them, or take them out for a meal or ice cream, etc. It's not the house of horrors you've conjured up in your mind, or a heartbreaking situation except from the disease perspective. Dementia/Alzheimer's is a terrible thing to endure for ALL concerned. Nobody escapes the burden that comes with the disease; not you, not your wife, nobody.
My mother lived in regular AL for 4 years and then had to segue into Memory Care for the last nearly 3 years of her life. She received wonderful care there by a team of truly loving people, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I was put in the same position again. There are situations we simply cannot deal with alone at home, and that's when Memory Care is the only option (or Skilled Nursing, depending on the finances). Don't let 'guilt' play a part in your decision making, either, b/c in reality, were your wife to wander off, fall down and die from a resulting head injury, THEN the guilt would be far worse than it would be from placing her in a safe and warm environment. I used to care for a man with AD who did that very thing; fell in the street at 3 am and died of a subdural hematoma the next day in the hospital. His daughter felt he 'wasn't ready' for Memory Care and that he should be left to 'age in place' in his home......with advanced Alzheimer's going on!
Wishing you the best of luck with all the decisions you have to make.
It sounds like it is no safe for her to remain at home and it is not safe for you.
Tour a couple Memory Care facilities and find out what is involved to get her in residence. She may have to have a physical if she does not have a current one. She may have to have a TB skin test or blood test. (blood test might be easier, it can be grouped with other tests)
This is going to be more difficult for YOU than it will be for her.
But she will be safe
She will be cared for
You can become her husband again and not her "warden".
She will be able to walk the halls, she will have activities, socialization that she may enjoy.
((hugs))
I know that you want your wife safe and well cared for, and at this point memory care is your only option. There she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her advocate and husband. It's a win win for you both.
Will it be hard? Of course it will, but knowing that your wife is now safe and will be bathed and getting her needed medications will bring you great peace of mind.
God bless you both.