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We gave my mom a stuffed dog that looks exactly like the dog she had. She carries it everywhere with her, makes it bark at us, pretends to feed it, scold it if it gets lost, and mostly pets it and carries it under her arm. She claims to not remember the dog she had, but she has other stuffed animals and does not treat them this way. I think she recognizes the likeness the stuffed dog has to the dog she loved so much. She interacts with us and other people, just has the dog with her because she is still a mothering type and in her mind this toy needs her. Your mom must also feel needed to take care of the doll. It's sweet. I think she isn't gone, but rather has had a former self awakened.
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AbbyRose Feb 2020
Thank you for sharing your sweet Mom's story. We are all in this together, and it's great to hear each other's stories.
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One of the previous posts makes me want to mention that the way the staff of a facility respond to dolls, pets and teddy bears can go either way, I'll never forget the horrified expression of one lady when the lpn casually dumped her "baby" onto an adjoining table at meal time 🙄. The more empathetic staff would take the babies to day care during meals and when it was bed time😉.
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AbbyRose Feb 2020
How awful that any staff would be so heartless. I will say that at my mom's facility, one of the CNA's cared for mom's "baby" while Mom ate her supper. The aide told me that she got to babysit last night so my mom could eat. I thanked her and told her how much I appreciated her kindness.
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Oh, gosh! The sweet replies to this post brought me to tears. One of the ALFs I checked out for my mom and stepdad had a stuffed cat with movable legs on one of the chairs in the sitting room. The director told me that it was common to see a resident holding and talking to that cat. This made me sad but glad at the same time. Hugs!
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One resident at my mom's assisted living home was able to bring her cat because she is totally capable of cleaning the litter box and feeding the cat. Another resident has a bird in cage. The facility brings a dog in every two weeks or so and my mom gets right down on the floor with the dogs, whether they are large or small. She connects so much better with animals than with people these days. She did mention last night that she wishes her stuffed dog could become real with a heart and brain. So she does know it isn't real. She knows she's in make believe land and likes it better there.
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AbbyRose Feb 2020
I appreciate your Mom's story. I love the idea of living in a small home with residents who have the same or similar illnesses. You and your mom seem like extraordinary people. Thank you for taking time to share your mom's situation. And, I agree that just because your LO is in a care facility, doesn't necessary make it easier for the caregiver. We still have responsibilities that need tending. Blessings to you and your mom as you continue on the journey.
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Of course, it all depends on the temperament and capabilities of your loved one. I purchased an “activity dog” stuffed animal for my Mom in memory care. It had zippers, buttons, tactile activities. Well, I came back three days later, and the workers presented what was left of the poor pup to me in a plastic bag. Mom had ripped out the eyeballs, tail, and stuffing. It was a major choking hazard, even though it was supposed to be reinforced for ADHD and Alzheimer’s sufferers.
Even though I felt like crying, I managed to laugh and shrug it off; what else can we do sometimes? Just a word of caution for other well-intentioned loved ones that an extra-fidgety (and Strong!) dementia patient should be monitored when introduced with a new diversion.
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