Hearing loss but won’t admit it, what can I do?

We solved the problem by purchasing two whiteboards and whiteboard markers. When we want to talk to mom we write it on the white board. She reads it and writes her answer on her whiteboard. It a slow process at first, but now communication in our house has increased and there is not as many disagreements. It may not be the solution for your situation since every situation is unique. But, praise God, it worked for our family.

Peggy

Same experience here, plus all the wasted time and money on the hearing aids.

What did help was a bit of advice from the audiologist, which was loudness/shouting does not work, and just leads to frustration on all sides. What DOES work is proximity and leaning in close to their ears, and speaking in a normal voice. Don't even bother trying to speak or shout from across the room. You have to get closer to their ear before speaking.

The other thing that helped us all tremendously was a TV device from amazon. Not earphones, which she would refuse, but a small simple wifi TV speaker that could sit right next to her on the end table. That way she could actually hear the TV without it blaring!

Folks the first thing that needs to be understood by everyone is that the whole vanity thing and inconvenience of it all are the minor takeaways of hearing losses. Far more important is the permanent damage being done to the brain and cognitive functionality of the impaired person. See: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-hidden-risks-of-hearing-loss

These are aspects that will make whatever difficulties caregivers are having the the person, far worse because their faculties will be degrading daily.

I want you to know that the company we use for her hearing care is not just a seller of hearing aids. They provide batteries when we need them. They provided a cleaning machine and the filters. They will see her when there is a question. And important for me, they clean a large wax deposit from her ears every visit. All this is so helpful. There are other companies that do not offer the extras. Good hearing.

I feel your frustration. Mom was not hearing. We repeated sooooo much. I remember telling her that the tv was way too loud. I told her the neighbors were calling to complain. She recognized the joke and laughed but because she has Alzheimer’s she doesn’t remember. After much shouting and encouraging from me (her caregiver) and her other children, she did give in, and to the tune of $4000.00. She refuses to put them in and, of course, if she learned, she would forget before breakfast. Is your patient in a nursing home? I’m not sure they would have the time to put them in for her. God bless your efforts. You have her best interests at heart.

Davenport again, here. After I threw the primary caregiver towel and forcing a sister to come in when I vacated--mom acceded to my younger sister, to the tune of Many thousands of $$. And yup, as so many of us have experienced, she doesn't use it/them. A waste of $$ that could've been used for ANYTHING short of pure waste. :(

I'm sorry for your struggling, Sue. I look forward to reading helpful responses. Of the healthy array of stressful 'things' my mom and I experienced separately but together, the hearing issue made me the maddest, somehow. My mom was generally easygoing, but the hearing thing caused us big problems. I was living with her [otherwise alone] and felt very lonely because I had no one to talk to, even though she was right there. And her uncharacteristic angry "you don't have to yell" just made me more upset. Stay strong m'dear : )

This is so darn frustrating for the caregiver. Oftentimes, the elder spends a lot of $$ on hearing aides, only for them to be kept in a drawer! My daughter's MIL is one of these people and she and her husband live with her. I've worn one hearing aide for over 20 years and if I didn't wear it, I would not feel whole - much like a person with a prosthetic limb! Take the elder to a GOOD ENT. Not all are good.

I have not yet come up with a solution to Mother's hearing loss problem.
Hearing aids have been suggested for years, but she says NO. At this point she wouldn't be able to used to them anyway.
We bought some over the chair wireless speakers for when we watch tv. Great gadget since we can keep the tv volume down and she can manually adjust the sound for herself!! Well problem not really solved because of we don't have control of the remote, she mutes the tv volume and cranks up her chair speakers!!

My mom does have some hearing loss (can't hear vehicles pulling up outside) but also "selective hearing," where what's said at close range simply won't sink in.

The hard part is knowing which is which, and when. The more (you think) you have to yell to get a point across, the "meaner" you're accused of being. There's no winning.

This is so familiar:) Buy or make her an ear trumpet!

My dad had hearing loss and I had to scream at him to be heard over the past few months before he died. Part of the lingering bad memories about him, which is unfortunate. He was a good dad, other than using the belt on us kids when we were little. He turned up the TV to max volume, so I also had to listen to that all day when I was taking care of him. In his defense, I think he turned up the TV so he wouldn't have to listen to mom, who has dementia and repeats herself multiple times a minute all day long. Before he got too sick, he spent all day outside in the yard, which I think he did to get away from listening to mom all day. They could have managed things better, but did no planning and made no adaptation as they aged.

As for hearing aids, these elders are careless about things like hearing aids. You could buy new ones every other day and they'd get "lost," or go through the laundry, or they wouldn't remember to put them in or the hearing aids "don't help." Unfortunate but in many cases, buying hearing aids is a waste of money and just one more source of frustration.

Tough one when they refuse to "listen"! My mother's hearing loss happened long before dementia and she refused to have the surgery (otosclerosis - replace the little "bones" with stainless steel, because doc had to give the usual surgery warning, which in this case is that they only do one ear at a time, just in case there are any balance issues. Rare, but if it happens you just don't do the other one!) Sad, because she might have some hearing now. Hearing aids helped over the years, but eventually the loss will become total and permanent. Adding in dementia, she would forget to replace the batteries, then forget she wore one, where she left it, etc. Now she keeps taking the one that was working out so they take it away (original one she moved to MC with went through the laundry, then she lost one of two brand new rechargeable ones, probably wrapping it in tissue or napkin and it got tossed.) Hard enough to stay in a conversation that repeats over and over, but even worse because she can't hear me at all now! Also sad - during a recent visit I met a newer resident who thought mom was stuck up or something because she wouldn't respond when talked to!

I also would get the crap when I raised my voice on the third attempt to be heard/understood, but in her case she'd get in my face and angrily say "I have a hearing problem, don't you know!" This was even with hearing aids and long before dementia.

If she won't get tested and refuse any aids (either in the ear or the headsets or any other options suggested), you could try writing responses if she doesn't hear what you said the 1st or 2nd time. To avoid having to find paper to write on, I got a Boogie Board on Amazon. There are many options and sizes/colors. It's just an LCD screen that can be written on with the stylus, or any pointed object, even fingernails, but try to avoid pens/pencils! Then there is a button to clear the screen. Funny that mom's short term memory is shot, but she DID very quickly learn how to push the button to clear the display! Can't remember what she just said or asked, but she somehow got this.

She may not like this option either. If writing responses seems to work, do consider this item. Otherwise, avoiding her, or just responding as simple as possible (yes, no, nod, uh huh - depends on what she said) even if she claims you said something you didn't. No point in getting angry yourself!

I know I already weighed in on this--but I need to say that just getting hearing aids will not solve the problem of a LO who CHOOSES to ignore you.

If DH will not wear his aids, I refuse to yell all day long. And I will not watch TV with him nor go to a movie "what? what did they say?"

His loss.

There is a learning curve to getting used to aids and I know my DH has made some effort, and is doing better, but if he is like his mother (and he is, sadly, a great deal like her) he will go to his death saying that the entire world mumbles and it's not HIM.

I can hear perfectly--which is a great blessing. One of us has to be aware of our surroundings. You know how many speeding tickets DH has gotten b/c he cannot hear the cop behind him? Or how many flights he's missed b/c he doesn't hear the announcement to board the plane? It's embarrassing.

Our kids never let him babysit b/c he could not hear the babies cry. They don't even like him to drive them places b/c he doesn't hear and driving does require a certain level of sound awareness. Deaf people learn skills to help the---semi deaf people just blame everybody and their dog for how hard it is to hear.

And yep, he turns them down or off when the gkids come over, Too many little voices and he can't follow.

It is what it is. He spent a fortune on these things and if he chooses to not wear them, he is choosing to live in a muffled world. (The audiologist was able to have me wear headphones and 'hear' the way my DH hears. It was eye opening and I don't know how he can stand it!)

You cannot do anything but take a deep breath and know this is the new norm for your parent. You have to find a way to accept it for your own peace of mind.

For a very long time my mother needed hearing aids. I finally had my way, got her to the doctor, got her the hearing aids. And then [ wait for it, wait for it ] she would not use them, did not like how they felt, and finally I realized she will not change and was able to return them for the full 5 thousand $ refund, luckily. At least we tried. Now it's been so long, we ( I ) am able to gently joke about it with her. I say something from about five feet away, she repeats what she thinks she hears which is totally wrong, and I raise my voice even more and say it again louder and more slowly. We laugh. She will tell me sometimes I don't have to yell, and I answer right back, " I have to yell, because you can't hear, and you wouldn't use the hearing aids." She hears and is just quiet and doesn't answer back, because she knows it is true!

When we are out like at a concert last night, I lean my mouth very close to her ear so she will hear me. Other times, I look directly at her and speak slowly and enunciate my words extra-clearly. I have learned (most of the time) more patience in the last couple of years than I have ever had in my life. It's an ever-evolving journey :)

My mom (95) has had some hearing loss for many years. About 10 years ago she did get a hearing aid after receiving an inheritance. She bought the top of the line. At first she was thrilled. After a few weeks, though, she gradually reduced the amount of time she wore them until she never wore them at all. The reason? Her brain had lost the capacity to screen out background sounds because she waited so long to get the aids. She could have recovered that skill with practice, but she chose to revert to the silence and miss the sounds of the world around her. There really isn't anything you can do if a person is unwilling to cooperate.

The way I have coped with it is simple: I don't. I don't raise my voice, I don't repeat myself, I don't sympathize with her, I don't tell her to put in her aids.

In the beginning my sisters and I did all sorts of things, to no avail. After a few months, we gave up on trying to cajole or scold her into wearing her aids. We would talk in normal conversational tones. Any time she would ask us to speak louder or repeat something we would respond "put in your hearing aids, Mom, we are speaking normally and you should be able to hear." When she would complain that a friend did not speak loudly enough, we would respond "that is called normal conversational tones, Mom, wear your aids if you want to participate."

End result: Mom still chooses to remain in silence. Ultimately, we had to accept that she will not wear those expensive hearing aids, but we will not change our lives because she chooses not to hear. It makes her seem older and more senile because she is guessing on what is being said, rather than hearing. It is sad, but I would rather talk to Mom without arguing or yelling. There is communication, of a sort. Mom hears the voices and is pleased to be part of a "conversation" though her replies are often total non-sequiturs.

I also suffer from a slight hearing loss. My choice is to wear the aids nearly all the time. I like hearing the birds sing, people around me, and ALL the notes of the music I listen to. I choose to be part of the world. I wasn't sure about getting the aids, based on Mom's experience so the audiologist allowed me to borrow a pair that was tuned to my hearing issues. Within 2 days I was certain that I wanted aids. I then "test drove" a more upscale pair, which I bought. That was 4 years ago.

My suggestion to you is don't do anything. Don't repeat yourself, don't raise your voice. When your mother is ready to seek help, she will. It is really HER problem, not yours. In the meantime, if she complains about not hearing you, stick to a single reply, "I was speaking normally, if you can't hear you may want to visit an audiologist." You are the daughter, not the mother, and she will have her way whether you like it or not. Go along with it and have your part of the conversation normally. She will understand some of it, you can't control how much of it.

I take my Mom to luncheons with some of her old friends. It is hilarious. None of them hear well, none of them wear their aids. All of them speak in normal tones and pretend they know what is going on, but they are exchanging totally unrelated conversational tidbits. It is almost like being in an acid trip. I wear my aids and respond to each of them in their own conversation, making no corrections. We all have a wonderful time, but I am the only one who really understands each of the conversational drifts. See if you can see the humor in the situation. What else can you do? Laugh with her and enjoy the day as much as possible.

Get hearing tested and ears checked. It could be something as simple as cleaning out the ears. Then quit talking loud to compensate - which is what most family members do. My dad's entire side of family is/was hard of hearing and from being around them constantly for so long, I talk really loud all the time now! I don't even realize how loud I am and it's embarrassing when someone who hears well tells me to tone it down. (Funny story - a relative finally 'borrowed' a hearing device from someone. We were sitting outside and he kept asking 'what is all that noise I hear even when you are not talking?' Finally figured out he was hearing the crickets and locusts that he hadn't heard in 20+ years. He pulled out the hearing aid and said all the bug noise was too annoying and if that's all he missed out on, he could live without it. ---Nevermind that he could finally hear us talk normally!!! He is also the same person who stopped taking medicine to control anger issues...it was working...but he said he wasn't going to use it because he liked being angry)

If she cannot hear you, then repeat in the same normal voice. Also, if people visit tell them to talk normally to help you show her how much she is missing out on by having hearing problem. Maybe she would agree to, at least, have it checked out.

Ohe thought I have is could you take her to an ear,nose,and throat physician to have her hearing tested and have her ears checked for wax build up? Many seniors have difficulty accepting hearing loss and hearing aids. Hearing loss can lead to cognitive issues. Admitting hearing loss is difficult because it typically associated with aging. Perhaps stressing the positives of having intact hearing will make an impression. Or if she is told by more than one trusted person, she may be willing to address the issue. Good luck. Don't forget the issue 9f selective hearing too. My dad was known for saying "what?" all the time. However, when my mother and aI would whisper to keep something from him, he was right on it saying: "I just heard..." My children who had chronic ear infections resulting in tubes exhibited the same behavior.

This solution saved my sanity and kept me from being raging mad after yelling all day:

Buy a voice amplifier!!!!

It’s a small microphone head set that sends voice to a small amplifier box that fits in your hand or clips to your belt or sits on the table...wherever you want it to.

You can talk at a normal tone of voice. The amplifier makes it loud for your loved one to hear. Bonus: if mild dementia is involved they may think it helps YOU hear and so they want to be helpful and speak into the box.
They focus better as they talk and listen.

No need to bug a loved you about wearing their hearing aid either. They should of course but why fight when you can override the hearing aid need?

Try very hard to never yell because yelling, even yelling something friendly and pleasant, releases the fight/flight hormone and internally the person yelling feels anger, agitation and hostility.

Voice amplifiers are used by teachers and tour guide outside so everyone can hear. Costs from about $25 on up depending on features you want. I bought the cheapest to try it. It’s great but the wireless option for a little bit more would have been great.

I got mine on Amazon, there is a good selection of models. Search using the words “voice amplifier”.

Get ear wax checked, mineral oil will help soften it.
Speak low and slow, use her name before you speak to be sure you have her attention. Face her as she is most likely reading lips more that actually hearing.

I have had to use these to talk to Mom who does have hearing aids! She knows she is profoundly deaf and still says it is me! I feel your frustration, I still raise my voice, very hard to learn not to, and we end up yelling at each other and arguing when it was just a simple statement made that probably did not even warrant a response!

One incentive is to tell her that loss of hearing can lead to Alzheimer's and other dementia's. Look it up so you have real facts.

Hearing loss is tough. There are multiple kinds and some dont involve the hearing mechanics but are in the brain's ability to interpret what it hears. In that case talking louder does not make it anymore understandable. However, a very common form of hearing loss is in the higher frequencies. Those are where the sounds of consonants exist and reduced ability to hear in the upper range can make understanding the words like trying to read a book with no consonants in the words. Some symptoms of this sort of loss may be that men's lower range voices are easier to understand but women's and children's are a real struggle. The deficit can easily be determined by an audio test and hearing aids can make a huge difference fro.now on with the right fitting. I suggest you watch some youtube videos on this subject. Start with those created by dr Cliff Audiologist http://youtu.be/2i21IWsBwm0 . His channel has a lot of great perspective as well as useful reviews of different products. You can also search for just hearing aids and find a huge number of very informative content, some of which might help convince your Mom to be more receptive to the solutions for her needs. You dont have to do it all yourself and, as you will find in some of these videos, there is proof that hearing loss increases other aging problems like accelerating memory loss, making dementia worse, increasing depression and many others so it is not something to be just stepped around and ignored because things will get worse if it is not successfully addressed.

Dazed,

My mom absolutely would lip read my speech. She could figure it out when I spoke slowly and facing her. If I turned away she missed it. That’s how I knew she was reading my lips.

I suppose that you used signing with your grandchild. When I was young and single I rented a duplex. My neighbor was deaf. We became good friends and he taught me to sign. It’s actually a beautiful language. Wonderfully effective way of communicating.

I have the same problem with my husband and he is only 64! Too proud to wear his hearing aids even though he was tested and has hearing loss and tinnitus. In addition, my mother is currently living with me and she also rarely wears her hearing aids (and they cost $6,500). Doesn't want all the "old people " contraptions! Some days I just want to yell..."The problem isnt ME...its YOU!"

I know how totally frustrating that can be. My mother wore a hearing aid and sometime she would not put it in. I would have to repeat myself over and over. I think maybe you should get her a hearing aid. Otherwise, she is going to make you crazy.

Be aware that there are many drugs that are ototoxic, meaning that they actually harm the ears and therefore the hearing. These include commonly prescribed drugs such as Lasix, some antibiotics (especially Vancomycin), some mood elevators, etc.
In August of 2020, hearing aids will start being sold over the counter in stores such as CVS, Costco, Walgreen's, and Walmart. They will be generic, not customized, but they will also cost only about $500 (not thousands) each. This will be a game-changer!
With so many older people having hearing loss, the question is: Why in the H--- has it taken this long?!

I raised my deaf granddaughter and now I myself am losing my hearing. I have noticed that I can understand what is said better if the person is facing me, I don't exactly lip read but combining that with good articulation helps. Also if you start to say something before you launch into a subject call the persons name. It helps them to focus and know that you want to talk to them in particular. A lot of the tricks I use now myself I picked up when taking my granddaughter to speech therapy. I really don't want to wear a hearing aid as I get frequent ear infections and just don't lie the feeling in my ears. And your mom is right about yelling; it tends to distort a persons lips and mouth making it harder to understand. Good luck it is not an easy task but a few tricks might help you a bit.

My mom (92) lost her hearing about 10 years ago. She refuses to wear her hearing aids that cost $2k each! My brother found “pocket talker” for her and now we can give her a plug in for one ear and speak softly into the little microphone and she can hear the conversation. It has been great for me since I don’t have to yell anymore. I was getting headaches from trying to speak loud enough.

CM,

Me! Actually, in my 20’s. I have tinnitus. My audiologist said that I went attended too many loud concerts when I was young.

My hearing wasn’t perfect then. I damaged my hearing listening to very loud music for years.

This subject must be in the top ten of elder care problems, surely. Whose heart doesn't go out to you!

Just one thought, though. Hands up everyone here aged over fifty who's had their own hearing tested?

Omg, I had to double check the poster of this because I thought I must have written it!
My mom started showing hearing issues about two years ago after she began taking lasiks for her congestive heart disease. She gets very angry when my decibel level goes up when I have to repeat. I have a soft voice so I guess I sound like a shrew when I take it up a notch. I’m really the only one she does this with. Lol
Her ears have been checked, and cleaned. She does have some sinus issues due to allergies but her doc says it’s just age related.
I bought her some earbuds that she wears with her laptop while on Facebook to hear videos or Skype.
She doesn’t like the way they feel in her ears so I imagine she wouldn’t like the feeling of hearing aids and it would probably be money wasted.
I have found if I say “Mom” when I first address her it seems to get her attention a little better and she listens a little harder.
I know this isn’t very helpful, just wanted you to know you aren’t alone. She also talks really loud while gabbing on the phone which is another indicator of the hearing loss.