What can I do about an aging parent who has a significant hearing loss but won’t admit it? Clearly my mother has had impaired hearing for several years but refuses to admit it. She claims I just mumble. Our conversations seem ridiculous, almost comical as she replies to things I haven’t said. I have to repeat myself several times. When I speak loudly (which makes me feel very anxious) she says,
“You don’t have to yell.”
I get so frustrated and find myself avoiding any conversation. Getting a hearing aid is not even a consideration.
Headphones work for not having a blaring television.
I even tried writing signs for her to read. She got upset. Oh well...
I’m not heartless but it was exhausting raising my voice all the time and then I had to hear her say that I sounded angry.
I did research at one time on voice amplifiers. Any public speakers use them in large groups. It will save your voice. I never ordered one but I was tempted. Mom isn’t living with us anymore. It may be a solution for you though.
Good luck.
Just crossed my mind what comes first?
I assumed the hearing loss could decrease socializing & activities, leading to using the brain less. But maybe the cognitive decline is first - which impairs judgement? So when the person is told they need hearing aids they don't have the reasoning to accept it.
But, whether it comes first or later, hearing loss probably does have an impact. Socializing can become difficult if/when they can't hear well. Although mom did still socialize, forgetting to replace the battery probably made that difficult and may have led to her eventual withdrawal from going with the others to functions at the Senior Center. She was "Self-isolating" at that point. Loss of hearing -> loss of socializing -> loss of being able to function "normally"? Her condition was surgically treatable, but she declined that. The hearing aids worked for a very long time, but eventually this condition results in more and more loss. I suspect her dementia is more related to having high BP (treated with meds) and age, but certainly losing ability to hear makes life even more difficult!
When it got to the point where he was missing the announcements to board his flight and he was missing them--he kind of had a clue.
Also, I knelt down in front of him and BEGGED him to minimally have his baseline hearing checked. I was crying and past even trying to be kind. Said I was sick to death of screaming at him all the time. It was making me sick!
He reluctantly went to a local audiologist, had me go with him b/c he KNEW he would ace the hearing test. He failed it, epically. The audiologist was extremely kind and sensitive b/c to my DH, this made him 'old' but I know 20 yos who wear hearing aids!
I told him to get the aids that were the best fit for him. No $$ limit, as I was so sick of yelling all the time, and him looking like a demented old dude.
His ha's cost over $5K. Worth every penny. he can bluetooth music or a podcast through them. He can take them out or turn them off if he wants.
He still hasn't mastered to fine art of looking at a person's face when they talk--that would be helpful.
Having ALL my kids tell him how glad they were he addressed this issue helped too. I know he gets so sick of the sound of my voice, and he takes them out so he can ignore me, which is perfectly fine!!
I need to remember that I can't try to talk to him unless there is no other noise and he is LOOKING AT ME.
My mother has had plenty of money all along to purchase hearing aids. It is somewhat comforting to know I’m not the only one....
A no win situation for all concerned. Welcome to old age & the stubborn pig-headed mothers who refuse hearing aids. Which must be our fault, too, somehow.
Unfortunately my mother was pig-headed long before old age...
And yes, everything IS our fault!!! :-D
(my mother has had hearing aids for a long long time. the one she moved in with finally went through the laundry at MC - she would forget to put it in, or take it out before bed, so it would end up in the sheets. got a new pair, fitted for same ear as hearing was shot in right ear. first one went AWOL in short order, likely wrapped in tissue at meal time and tossed. generally she isn't wearing it now, as she would keep taking it out. I use a Boogie Board, LCD erasable pad, to say anything she can't lip read.)
Its very hard for the elderly to acclimate themselves to hearing aids. You may want to try some other things first. A member said they still have little box like things (like those transistor radios) with ear buds. There are also "TV ears" that are cordless that hook up to the TV. Then Mom wears a head piece to hear. She controls the volume from her head piece. That way others in the room can control the TV.
I would suggest that you talk, and everyone else, to Mom in a normal tone. By doing this, she may learn that she is the problem not everyone else. Also, look at her when u talk and slowly but not too slow. I think, unknowingly, we all lip read to a point. Keep your sentences short. Try not to have conversations.
Said they would make her look old.
I said get some to match your hair, no-one will ever notice them. People probably notice the glasses, the walking stick & the WHITE hair first. LOL
I had the same problem with my mother. She haughtily informed me that it's normal for elders to lose their hearing, and wait until *I* was old! She refused to consider hearing aids, and wouldn't even go back to the ENT in 6 months like he recommended.
Rather than repeat things multiple times, I just avoided conversation, as you are doing.
They don't realize that not hearing increases the cognitive decline. And my mother went to her regular doctor appointments without me going into the examining room (her orders), so I don't even think she heard what they were saying. They assumed she heard unless she said, "What?", and if she didn't hear something at all she wouldn't ask them to repeat it.
BUT I didn't live with her, so I can't imagine the frustration you must feel!
I guess I just feel guilty that she is alone much of the time, but when she lived on her own she didn’t have much interaction with people either.
I suppose I must reconcile myself to the fact that this is they way things will be until she’s gone. She will likely never get hearing aids, which to me seems stubborn and selfish.
Fortunately she does text and email family which doesn’t require hearing.
I will try to get her doctor to check for earwax as was mentioned by another responder, can’t hurt to try.
Impacted earwax accounts for a lot of hearing issues, especially in elders. The fix is simple and painless.
How about a fiblet that she will lose her medical insurance if she doesn't have a checkup this year?
Pass a note to the doctor on you way in about checking for earwax.