Home Health Aide just stopped showing up- could it be theft?
Has anyone ever had an aide just stop showing up?
So we hired this lady who at first seemed great, until she wasn't. First she'd show up late. Then she'd show up late, leave early. Then some days she wouldn't turn up at all and eventually she stopped showing up altogether. No phone call, no text message, nothing. Not a word.
My family and I are trying to find another aide, but meanwhile we're left wondering what happened. I thought maybe something happened to her, but my aunt tried texting her from a different phone number posing as a potential new client, and got through to her- surprise, the aide who ghosted us is available those days.
What gives? Does this happen often? We were paying this person out of pocket, mind you, not going through an agency (horrible experience!) We hired her off of care.com. My aunt thinks that maybe this lady stole something of value, but I haven't noticed anything gone missing. And this lady is from a rich area, according to my aunt she has money (but then why is she caregiving if she's "rich"?)
I personally don't think it's theft. The aide never struck me as the type of person to steal, especially from an elderly person. You never know, but my gut says no. I think either she got offended by something, or something happened with her ill child and she had to suddenly quit, tried to give warning and couldn't get through to my aunt. She always said she had trouble contacting her. But then, leave a note or something. Maybe she did and my grandmother threw it out? Who knows.
What are your thoughts? Has anyone had this experience? Has anyone had an aide steal from them? What happened? Please share. Any advice/input would be greatly appreciated.
I wouldn't think theft either.
Ensure you have terminated her contract & have everything in writing (keep all texts & emails) as future recourse just in case any future issues.
Any meds missing by chance?
I didn't think theft right off the bat, either; especially since you haven't noticed anything of real value missing.
I hope you can find reliable help soon! Good luck.
All hired caregivers (private or agency) know how our line of work operates. We all know that any one of us can be dismissed for no reason at all. That we will be kicked off an assignment without warning if cheaper help is found. We also know that families and agency bosses will look us right in the eye and tell us what a wonderful job we're doing while sticking the knife in our backs at the same time.
The most likely reason the aide ghosted your mother is because she found a better position and wanted to make sure it was solid before actually quitting her previous one.
Employers do the same thing.
On my last job (I had been with this client over 4 years) her son decided that myself and the night aide were going to get two weeks off (without pay of course) over the Christmas holiday.
This sounded great because in almost five years of service with the client, I had all of one week off (without pay) because I was able to arrange respite care for her in a nursing home.
The son claimed he was giving us a respite break and was bringing a respite live-in to take care of his mother so we could have a couple weeks off. Then we were to return after the new year.
This wasn't true. The two week break was to give the "temporary" respite live-in a chance and to make sure she worked out. So, he didn't fire us outright and tell us we were being replaced. He kept us thinking we were returning after the new year just in case this new one he hired didn't work out.
Then after almost five years of exceptional service to his invalid mother and father, I got a text saying 'my services are no longer needed'.
Your mom ghosted because your caregiver knows how it works and was making sure she didn't lose. Personally, I would have told you I was going, must most won't.
Most employers won't tell their regulars when they're being dismissed either.
It would have been nice to have some warning, hell even just a phone call from her to say "I'm not coming anymore". SOMETHING. But what can you do? Can't control people. My aunt thinks she can sue the aide for theft, but I don't think a lawsuit will do any good and be a waste of money that we already don't have. But that's her- frivolous lawsuits. Smh.
Personally, I'm with you on this one. You know I'm thinking about it all now and wondering: my aunt said she owes her money... did she pay her properly at all? I wonder if that was the reason.
I would also contact and place a review and a complaint.
I had a housecleaner do the exact same thing to me a couple of years ago. She just stopped showing up one day. She had my house key, too. That's when I learned, through scar tissue, to NOT give out my house key to anyone ever again. I called and left her messages on her phone, and no call back, nothing. Then one day, out of the blue, about 8 months later, she called me. She was sorry, she said, she was going through a 'rough patch' and just bowed out of life. I told her to please come by and return my house key, that all was forgiven. I had had my lock changed by then, of course. Sigh.
The answer to your question is: who knows why the CG is ghosting your aunt? To assume she's stolen from your aunt and to then formally accuse the woman of such a thing without proof is ludicrous, in my opinion. Unless she's actually FOUND something missing in her home, why on earth is she pursuing such a claim? Hurt feelings or anger over being ghosted is not a valid reason!
Wishing you good luck in finding another CG.
Whether it's trendy or not to ghost someone, it's completely unprofessional of her to just leave without notice. This isn't a romantic relationship, this is someone we hired for care. What if grandma depended on this person for her blood pressure medications? She'd be dead. It's supposed to be a business of caring. Maybe it's just me.
After *over* a month of no communication, the aide finally called me back: "Ohhh, I've been trying to get in contact with your aunt. Something happened with my daughter. I haven't been working much. Your aunt owes me money."
First of all, she's full of it. She could have called me if she couldn't get through to my aunt and contact would have been made, so that's bs. And second, we caught her- we used a friend's phone to text her asking about her availability as an aide for the times we would have had her scheduled and sure enough she was available to work! Liar, liar, pants on fire.
So I was right- she didn't steal from us. She found something else, and is now calling to collect what we owe her. Sorry lady, you gotta go a long way to pull the wool over our eyes. I may be young, but I'm not stupid.
There’s a lot of assumptions and false stereotypes made about the aide, socioeconomic class and so on
Why would your aunt assume she stole something when as you explained there was no basis for this—-she doesn’t sound like a very nice person
You also say the aide is from a ‘rich area’ - what does this have to do w anything? You made a comment implying it’s strange that a well off person would be a caregiver. Are you saying only poor or disadvantaged people find caregiving meaningful? By the way just bc someone lives in a certain area it doesn’t automatically mean they themselves have the same amount of wealth or lack of wealth. A wealthy person could live with someone else in a middle class area and vice versa- a person without much money could live with someone else in a nicer area. Or many variations in between
Your aunt doesn’t sound like a very nice person to assume the reason she left is bc she stole something. I’m inclined to think your aunt made some negative or presumptuous comments to her along the way and she grew increasingly uncomfortable and finally stopped coming altogether
Edit to add— after I posted this I read below the update and can say with confidence your aunt sounds like a piece of work - I believe she is a dishonest person herself who it sounds like wasn’t paying the caregiver and projected that onto the caregiver claiming she must have stolen something - as pretty much every single person here has said it’s wrong of your aunt to make a baseless assumption such as this. I feel like your aunt was mean to her and was pushing her around not paying her etc and the aide got increasingly uncomfortable ( you said she started coming less and then stopped coming altogether) bc of how she was being treated.
Have you asked to have your aunt verify to you that the home health aide was paid in full? If not- why? The aide told you she wasn’t paid- and asked you to assist her in being paid, your responsible to ensure the caregiver has been paid
My guess would be that she was finding it too difficult to meet her working hours, made a mess of it, and then was too embarrassed to explain and found it less awkward just to run away and hide. Not a very mature way to go about things but I've known people do stupider.
Can people please not make assumptions about the thieving propensities of workers in proportion to their pay grade? I can't help but find it insulting both on my own behalf and that of my co-workers. I am in a minimum wage social care job. Nobody who cares about the job is in it for the money.
Actually first thing is to check all credit cards, make sure not unauthorized purchases were made. Freeze accounts. Check credit reports from each of the reporting companies.
And you should also report her earnings to IRS. Send her a statement so she can report her earnings when she files her taxes.
Yes I have had a caregiver that stole from me. She stole things, not credit cards or information but she took money, jewelry, food, toilet paper.....
I did file a report, she did have to appear in court.
Seeing other comments...
If the caregiver is owed money she must be paid.
How would you like to go to work and not get paid for all the hours you put in.
If this caregiver were to post and comment on what happened what would their story read like.? Would we be telling her to contact the state labor board? A lawyer? Would I or anyone else suggest that she contact and report that she has not been paid in full and that the contact person is difficult to get a hold of?
Call the Aide and Ask!
Do not assume anything.
BUT for future, Don't have money or valubles laying out, you don't need to temp and if something goes missing, it could have been misplaced, ect. Best to not have it out.
No, I don't believe the Aide would work if she didn't need the money, especially if she has an ill child at home.
You deffiently should call and let her know you were worried and wxnr to know if she's OK and what happened.
I used them to hire Caregivers for my Dad, and like everything else, their are good and bad ones.
Call the Aide or you'll always be wondering and it's always best to get the story from the source and not hearsay from anyone else.
Praters
Caregivers are considered household employees by the IRS. So you or your Aunt or whomever is / was paying CG is responsible for doing w9, w9, FICA and any state taxes on the wages paid. Perhaps an i9 as well. You / your Aunt are responsible, not CG,
Was this done?
If that wasn’t happening, she can file a complaint with state labor board and with IRS and state tax authorities. By not doing this your Aunt can be fined by tax authorities. IRS takes this stuff pretty seriously.
If she feels that she was NOT paid for all hours worked, she can add that to her complaint. Labor boards take this stuff pretty seriously.
If you found her and did a work around on using them, like paying her “out of pocket”, as you posted, they too can come after you / your Aunt for their % of fees associated with her wages.
If caregiver worked for Aunt for a good period of time, the nonpayment on FICA has an effect on CG retirement. If she gets a pit bullie attorney, she can go after Aunt for opportunity lost type of action.
and your Aunt thinks she can sue the caregiver for theft?
Pay the CG what she is owed.
You should tell her that your aunt in going to pursue charges for theft. Because you don't want to be blackballed by a caregiver for suing. You will never find anyone else willing to work for your grandmother. You should also tell your aunt that you are giving her a heads up and that she will never be able to hire another aide.
What the absentee aide did was really awful and she should be reported but, false accusations ruin lives and that takes the cake for s**t behaviours.
I hope you find a place to live very soon and can put this whole situation in your rearview mirror.
I've been in homecare for many years for both agencies and private cases. For years now I'll only take private cases.
I find that honesty is always the best policy. I've taken clients off my service that I've personally liked very much and worked well with.
I've quit a few because I couldn't physically meet their needs anymore and let them and their families know it.
I've left others because I found better paying positions.
The truth is the best way to go, but homecare aides often ghost their clients for valid reasons because they don't want to seem harsh or uncaring.
Reasons like the clients become too needy. Or families become too demanding and try to take advantage. I will tell a client and they are not allowed to call me for any reason unless it is for a cancellation. I don't even pick up the call. I let it go to voicemail and have had client family members try to guilt me over it many times. They'd say that the client was lonely and just wanted someone to talk to. Or could I just run over there for a few minutes for some small thing, etc...
My answer is always a firm 'NO'. It's the job of the client's family or friends to make sure they're not lonely after hours. It's someone else's job to 'just run over there for a few minutes' when my work day ends. I can't tell you how many client families over the years have been downright shocked by my response in these situations. I'm always honest and truthful to every client and their family about what my duty is and what it isn't. Most homecare workers can't be honest like this because they feel guilty about making boundaries and demanding that clients and families respect them. They can't make them understand that we have a work relationship with clients and families. We're not friends or like family. Working well with clients and families who trust you is not the same thing. So usually a homecare worker will ghost the clients. Or they come up with every kind of excuse for why they're missing shifts.
I learned my lesson the hard way because for a long time I tolerated clients calling me at all hours of the night out of boredom or dementia-related reasons. I'd go running after hours if a client family member asked me to go check on someone or whatever. Yet I've never met a client or family of one who insisted or even offered to pay me more. Once I'm off the clock my responsibility and duty to the client ends.
Clients and families need better understanding of what is the homecare worker's job and what isn't. If there was more understanding and less advantage taking on the part of clients and families, there would be far less ghosting going on.
She regularly brought my wife small gifts to lift her spirits and often brought me plants from a nursery she also worked at.
One day she didn't show up. No call to me or the agency. Calls to her by the agency and myself went unanswered.
Finally ran across her later and she had a new boyfriend. Seems she wanted more time with him then with my wife.
She still checks in on my wife, but it's not the same.
Contact now, demanding missing pay: is there any way to go over hours she DID work and the payments aunt supposedly made? There needs to be a way to either prove she was paid for the times she did show up and stick around OR determine what she wasn't paid for and pay it.
Auntie needs a reality check. Trying to prove theft with NO proof isn't going to go well. My biggest concern with that is what money would be used to pay the legal expenses. If it's grandma's money, it should be squashed. If auntie is using her own money for this ill-advised attempt to litigate nothing, so be it. I would point out that nothing was taken, and ask her how she thinks she can prove her case. But, if it's her money and her wish to move forward, so be it.
IF you think auntie may be having some cognitive issues, perhaps it is time someone else goes for guardianship and takes this out of auntie's hands.
I also think this care-giver needs to provide some proof on non-payment. Just stating someone owes her isn't enough. Hopefully SOMEONE has been keeping track of the hours she worked and what she was paid. If auntie isn't doing that, then again SOMEONE needs to step into this! If grandma ever needs Medicaid and there's no money trail, she'd be out of luck!!!
There are more important issues in all this (as someone else noted, she was "private" hire, so all those nice deductions, such as FICA, taxes, etc should have been done - if not, uh oh! Bigger issue than having this woman quit!)
Id keep looking. Make sure nothing of value is at the house. Make a list of items that could be potentially taken. That way you know if anything is missing. Sounds like the lady works just enuff for some money then moves on. Good luck.