Hi,
My mom is 92, has later stage dementia, but physically pretty healthy. Being treated right now by a home health nurse for a bedsore, which is healing nicely. I have not met the nurse, but I have phone conversations and, frankly, don't like her. I don't think I'm hypersensitive, but she just sounds like an overbearing busybody trying to interject her agency into providing all sorts of other services just to get her claws into us, aka, make money. Sorry if this sounds unhinged, but I believe in less medical intervention than more. I'm not in denial regarding my mom's situation, but I know her and what works best for her. I feel the nurse is looking for ways to point out things we aren't doing so she can interject why we need hospice and her agency's services. I get the "ideal," but she doesn't seem to get we are working with a person with dementia and that all bets are off. Again, not looking for specific suggestions, maybe just feedback. Have you ever felt you were in a battle of wills with someone involved in the care of your loved one?
Have you thought about the possibility that the nurse sees somethings that you don't? Drs and nurse are trained to see the human body as one system made up with many systems. What looks like just a bed sore to you, the nurse sees infections, muscle breaking down, tissue (skin) breaking down, circulation problems and etc.
I am with CM, I wouldn't put up to much of a resist you could lose that battle very quickly. The nurse has medical acknowledge and you don't therefore, APS or a judge will believe her over you.
Try to hire a different nurse or use a different agency. You might have the right to fire her; however, make sure you have someone to take her place.
You could be right that she is over stepping the line...but even if your right; what good is going to come out of it?
This is about your mom's health, not about who's will is stronger!
Something to think about!
This will sound a bit brutal. But I suspect that if you continue this battle of wills as you are doing you will soon find APS knocking on your door. Consider the possibility that she is trying to prevent what she perceives as possible neglect. Nurses, I believe, are mandated reporters.
You'd do better to have more respect for her experience. If you're not happy with what her agency charges, you can always shop around.