My fell 9 days ago in the bathroom and broke her neck. She's 87 years old. She was living with me at the time. She's been in the hospital since but hasn't eaten in over 8 days now and they can't get her meds into her. They stopped her IV meds and want her to take meds by mouth. She is refusing and is completely confused, scared and just plain not there anymore. I guess they call it hospital psychosis. Today, the docs want to talk to me about alternative solutions for her meaning feeding tube I guess. She is a DNR and I am absolutely sure about her wishes. She would never want to live this way at all and has stated many times before this that she was ready to meet God. She is not paralyzed from the fall. Has a neck brace on as surgery was out of the question. They have her hand tied in mittens cause she was pulling off the neck brace. She's become a very difficult woman now and is actually not very nice. I adore my mom so please know this before I ask this next question. I'm an only child so I have no other people to really ask. Should I allow the feeding tube so she doesn't starve to death and gets her meds or should I do what she has asked me to do and allow her to eventually "go to God"? Even writing that sounds like I'm a horrible person. I'm really lost here so any help would be appreciated.
I wish I could give you advice but we're still trying to decide on a hospice for mom even though I feel that she is still wanting to live. She can't talk, just lays in bed and moans occasionally and is so contracted that any touch, movement is painful. So it is difficult.
Please know that you are not alone. It hurts and it's a matter of like you said, you know she wouldn't want to live like that. My mom is a DNR too and I know she would want to go out peacefully not in agony. I wish you nothing but peace of mind and comfort for your mom. Sometimes people end up recovering in Hospice. It's a long shot but who knows, there's always room for a miracle.
in constant pain. She got so she could not eat or drink or swallow. The nursing home suggested Hospice and they kept her quiet and pain free until she passed
away one week. I was with her alone in the room when she died so it has been
very hard for me. Somehow I have to keep myself together today for her funeral, I
have to play the piano for the funeral and give a talk. She would have wanted me
to play for her funeral though, she had everything planned out what she wanted,
and fortunately had most of it paid for in advance. The decision was easier for my
sister to make than me, as she is a doctor and sees death all the time with her work. I took care of mom in her apartment for 7 years and then came to visit her every day in the nursing home, so it is harder for me to see her go. I do recommend Hospice, they were very good at knowing what to do and keeping
her comfortable.
My suggestion is to make her completely comfortable with food, water and warmth and appropriate pain meds.
I know I've rambled but hopefully I've given you some hope no matter what decision you make. Just think of her quality of life and would she/you be able to accept it? Will she just end up having more problems that will prolong suffering for her or will she return to what she was? As I said, it is difficult but pray about it and go with your gut feeling. That is what kept my mom going until she gave up. And maybe that's what you need to do is let her give up first. Then you don't have to make that decision. My prayers are with you. Please surround yourself with caring friends/family.