Hi - My dad will be 90 in January. This past year he was in the hospital 4 times. Hee had 3 ambulance trips, and a bunch of doctor's visits.
Of course, we have been inundated with bills. He has no income besides SS. He doesn't own any property, and his only assets are about $3000 in the bank, and a car with 165,000 miles on it that currently cannot pass a safety inspection. He also has a $5000 VA death benefit policy.
I should also point out that he cannot cook for himself, drive himself, or be alone anymore. Anytime I am not able to be there, he has to hire paid help. The costs for restaurants / caregivers/ companions/ transportation have left us shellshocked. He is spending $1000 plus most weeks, including his many medications, and has depleted his savings.
At the advice of friends he has been paying each of his creditors at least $10 a month. Many of the smaller bills have been paid off. Most of the larger creditors have been fine with it, too. They understand he is on a fixed income and know he has been very ill.
Two of them though, have been a big problem. The first is an ambulance company that took my father 3 miles from his doctor to the hospital. From what I can tell they were paid about $550 by insurance and billed my dad an additional $167. They demanded immediate payment in full, when I asked them to send me a breakdown of the costs, and why it was so much?, they immediately sent to collections.
The second is a hospital. They have sent as many as seven separate bills in a month. My dad has paid $10 on each one, two have been paid off. The remainder total about $850, I'm guessing, because when I called them they would not verify that there will be no additional bills pending...
So, I told them about my dad's finances, and that he could continue to pay $10/month on each of the outstanding bills, and that would be $40 a month total.
Nope. They threatened collections. They don't seem to understand that he owes money to numerous other doctors and services too. They just want all theirs NOW.
My dad needs a hospital bed, and other things for six months now. His doctor has tried to get insurance to approve them, they keep saying they "aren't medically necessary." The cost for everything would be at least $8000. My dad is very uncomfortable and hardly can get any sleep because of COPD and pain, but he is willing to without the bed and other things because he is trying to pay all of his creditors. He has even asked me to sell his car, or offer it to the hospital to settle his bills there.
I don't know what to do. I am already supporting him as much as I can, or he would have NO money for these bills. My friend tells me that if the hospital sends him to collections he should refuse any further payment and work on the bills that aren't in collections, so his credit doesn't get dinged any worse? I have no idea what to do any longer.
And, believe me as well as anyone else who offers the same advice, make a stand now before his refusals become even more adamant. You just don't have to give in to all his demands - it only gets worse.
Raise that issue with him; you're both in this situation together; there has to be some give and take on his part in order to ensure that you're able to care for him emotionally and physically. Don't be afraid to be firm and to refuse to go along with some of his self centered mandates.
So, that means that he stops digging his heels in and refusing to cooperate.
If the meat is too tough to chew, he might have a swallowing problem. Start cutting his meat in little pieces, avoid ham (which is harder for someone with a swallowing problem to chew). Add gravies to ground meat.
Keep a log to see what causes him to choke or cough, if that's happening.
Did you investigate paratransit as I suggested? The transportation costs you're paying are exorbitant.
Cut the Walmart visits to once a month or so. He can get reimbursement from the VA for mileage. After each visit, he should fill out the mileage reimbursement request (in our VA it's on a stand, like a banking stand for completing deposit or withdrawal forms) and generally in the office rather than the medical areas.
I have made some progress with dad the past few days. He agreed to accept a recliner instead of a medical bed, and it has eased some of his complaints the last two nights.
I was also given a number for the transportation service. I spoke to someone there who said they don't know if they serve this area, but they are going to get back to me next week. I hope they do - it is $1.00 each way to WalMart! I can't do better driving him myself.
I had NO IDEA the VA covered any part of transportation costs - and I had asked! So thank you on that!!! You BET I WILL ask them again. If they paid even half of what it costs my dad to get there it would be a HUGE relief.
Regarding the food, he is adamant he will not eat food that he doesn't like. He will eat the casseroles that one of my friend's mom makes, oddly enough, because it reminds him of my mom's cooking. Go figure...
Insofar as the rest of it goes, he is pretty stubborn, mainly because he feels he been treated unfairly. He tells me that he had worked at five "good jobs" in his life. From these, he had earned two pensions and one 401K. The 401K, and my parent's retirement savings were wiped out when my mom had a heart attack.
The two pensions were raided by management under guise of a court order supposedly to ensure the companies stayed open - they both closed. He is extremely bitter about what he considers outright theft.
When I spoke to him about his bills, he pointed out that he has paid several of them off already, and despite his age and illness has been paying everyone. In his opinion, if they want their money faster - too bad. He also tells me that his car, and his death benefit should handle any unpaid bills upon his death.
He told me more, but I'll post that later. I'm getting tired.
My parents [in their 90's] never had Chinese food until I bought some home for them to try. At first my Mom was very leery of it, but once she tried it she was surprised. My Dad finished his whole plate :)