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My 88yrold father was recently diagnosed with Lewy body dementia moderate stage.All new to us.my mother have her own health issues also.i care for both of them but they only want me 24/7My mother is so selfish and gives me a hard time and says some nasty things to me I had numerous fights and walk outs but she rings crying and apologise we can't cope with out you.I'm smothering and my own health is been effected.My mother said to my son she can have a life when we're dead.She throws at me all the time that she minded her mother while she was raring us as children and I'm expected to do the same with her.I can't cope anymore.

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I think you should now consider telling them they require placement. Bow away. You are enabling them not to get the care they need. This could go on a good deal longer if you don't honestly level with them that you do not wish to go on. This is not a discussion; this is not an argument; this is telling them that you are sorry but you do not intend to do this anymore.
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It doesn't matter what your mother did with your grandmother. You need to just tell them that you will not be available any more after a certain date, and that they need to get caregiver(s) in to help them or they need to move to a facility. And then stick by it. You don't need to live with this abuse and you shouldn't model for you son (and other children if you have them) that they should accept abusive treatment from others.
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