Follow
Share
I told my criticizers "This is not care by committee, I was chosen for a reason." I promptly blocked them so that I would not have that stressor any more. Legally, these are my siblings, but in my mind today, they are my mother's "other children" because I don't have to claim people who treat me with accusations (without provocation) and ill will. I will be kind and let them know when Mom passes but they know where she is if they have questions so I don't have to deal with them. Mind you, once they could not torment me, they haven't given her a second thought for over 2 years now.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Lovemom1941
Report

It would be nice to know your ages. Also, if you live together and if so, whose home is it. Do you get help? What do others criticize u about?

I am 76 and will tell you I no longer will care for anyone but my husband and that has not been promised. I have cared for grands, helped a family (mother, daughter and grandaughter with rides to doctors), and cared for my Mom. I am cared out.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

My cousin was questioning and criticizing everything and every move I made.
I once had to get aunt quickly dressed to take her to appointments. I found the first things that were cleaned and folded. Cousin to aunt's neighbor, "Why does she have her in that hot sweater?"
Calling, asking if I am putting aunt in the shower? How often am I showering aunt?
Everything was questioned and criticized. Mind you, she wasn't lifting a finger to assist, physically. My aunt kept telling me this cousin wanted to be in charge. I told aunt, you all live close by, I have no problems with her being in charge, as I lived out of state.
So, guess what? Back seat driver cousin is now the one in charge, and she's not happy about it one bit, but she sure had a lot to say before.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Tiredniece23
Report

Ask them to come for an afternoon and give you a demonstration of their ‘better way’ to treat her. Be genuine about it. It might help everyone involved.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report

Sometimes, I'll respond "thank you for the suggestion," hoping they undestand that it means that I heard you but I'm not likely to do what you're saying.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to pamela78702
Report

You tell them they either take a shift caring for her or keep their opinions to themselves (I cleaned up what I was going to say).
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to lkdrymom
Report
Lovemom1941 Mar 19, 2026
AMEN! You did a great job cleaning that up because, as a caregiver who was criticized by no-assist relatives, I know how that likely was before!
(0)
Report
Armchair Critics who do absolutely nothing to help care for your sister have no say at all in what you do or how you do it. Unless you feel you're doing something wrong due to exhaustion or Burn out, then ask for help or get your sister placed.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

What is the criticism they are expressing? Often criticism comes from a place of ignorance, inexperience and assumptions/expectations. Trying to defend yourself or justify your actions/decisions to others can be exhausting and a waste of time. Maybe suggest that they come and give you a break for at least a week while you go somewhere else and are "unavailable". Then they will stop questioning you, I promise. Plus, I'm SURE you need the break! Be kind to yourself. You are still your priority.

Please consider other solutions for your sister's care if you are verging on burnout. May you receive wisdom and peace in your heart as you get perspective on the situation.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter