My aunt was recently in a rehab after breaking her hip. She has also had 2 strokes last year. After being there for almost 2 months, she got overly frustrated and emotional with the staff and wanted to come home. On a recent visit, we walked in on her crying because no one heeded her call to use the bathroom and she wet herself. After her granddaughter (her POA) met with the staff, they agreed to release her in 3 days with home care. I am nervous about what awaits me. I know it is going to be really difficult to take care of her, as the majority of the work is going to fall on me since I live here and don't work due to disability.
All of the advice above is good advice. This is going to be much more difficult than you or the siblings can imagine--unless they have already experienced it. You should have more than a Plan B, you should have an alphabet of plans.
The advice to rally support is the best. This is not "backing out," but just simple logic. If your family has no experience with this, they may not understand. For that reason,you would be well advised to bring other family members along to a discussion with the doctor or the Area Agency on Aging on what is really realistic. make sure they understand that care will need a sort of "relay team." You can do it--at least on paper--but you cannot do it alone.
to change it. When my mom was release from rehab, the nursing care was an occasional visit. My mom would tell the PTs not to come and they would listen to her. It was one problem after another and I had in-home care helping every day for five years.
While you may be "stuck" since your aunt is being discharged you may get lucky and find an opening in a nursing facility. Yes, she will cry and not want to go. Strokes can make people have crying "breakdowns." I'm not down playing your aunt's distress but her emotions may be over the top from her strokes as well as the trauma of the hip. That’s understandable. But you are looking for the best, overall, for your family.
If you can't place your aunt quickly, then she'll have to come home with you, but keep looking for a facility that can take her. Most of us hate to see our loved ones upset and your aunt is bound to fight this move. But how can you possibly take decent care of yourself and still tend to her needs?
Sometimes the best for our loved one is to have younger, stronger bodies do the heavy lifting. You could visit daily if the facility is close and that is what you want to do. At least you could visit frequently and be her advocate to make certain she gets the care that she needs.
Accidents will happen - no facility other than those that only very wealthy people can afford - will offer one on one care. However, if the care is satisfactory over all, this is probably your best option.
Please keep us updated on what you decide to do.
Take care of yourself - it's vital that you do so.
Carol
Taking care of Aunt may be the right thing to do or it may be too much. She may be a sweetie or morph into a tyrant. Comitt to doing what you can, try, stretch, but do not kill yourself. She may need a NH eventually, you may need your own place eventually. I would start planning for my own independence.
It may help to share a few more details about your and your aunt's situation. For example: Did you two live together in her home before she broke her hip, and if so, how was it?--were you relatively happy living together? Do any of the other aunts/uncles live in the home?
Is she still mentally sharp? How far ahead of the expected discharge date is this? What 'home care' will there be? Will therapists/nurses, and other family be involved in the immediate aftermath of her homecoming? Is she expected to be fairly independent after she gets through rehab? How involved are any other family members in her day-to-day care?
Each situation is unique. Returning home after rehab can work wonders for elderly
people. I've seen that. I don't blame your aunt for getting upset when nobody comes to help her to the bathroom. Who knows what else happened to her that day. Perhaps that was the straw that broke the camel's back. But if she comes home, it has to be to a situation that works for everyone involved, including you. Her granddaughter POA should have a 'Plan B' anyway. Freqflyer has offered some good advice on how she can obtain advice/possible help.