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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Does your dad make his own appointments and take himself to his appointments? Handle his own finances? Pick up any prescriptions prescribed and take them appropriately?
My experience is that a primary often will not assist. Rather than spend your time trying to get in to see the primary, I might forward him a note for a referral to a neurologist where he could possibly get the correct evaluation and medication for his condition.
I was shocked when I saw you question because I went through the Exact same situation. My dad wouldn’t let me go to appointments with him and actually told his care team Not to talk to me! It was the first stages of dementia, (paranoia). Almost two years later we got a diagnosis, vascular dementia. I am still caring for him but as his condition progresses I am not equipped to keep him safe at all times. We are having to make the hardest decision of our lives to put him in a War Veteran home. Anyway, to answer your question I would say give him time, don’t be too overbearing. He may know that he’s starting to forget things and the first instinct is to hide it. Like everyone said you could possibly write a letter with your concerns but what I did was keep a log of all of his behaviors that were concerning. Things that he was forgetting, hallucinations, him getting lost going places he’s frequented for years. Things like that, although he was going to the VA clinic several times a week without an appointment so when I went up there in person the staff said they were very familiar with him and admitted to his behavior being strange but they wouldn’t do anything about it. I finally talked my dad into a POA which his clinic still wouldn’t honor because he told them not to talk to me. I talked to his social worker several times. I was basically relentless until they finally started working with me and his doctor recommended that he should always have a caregiver or family member accompany him to his appointments. I think after a while my dad saw that I was truly concerned about his health and all I wanted to do was help. He was letting things slip away like bills and other financial obligations which I took care of for him. I’m afraid patient’s care teams are weary of adult children or family members trying to take advantage of the elderly. Elder abuse, extortion, and exploitation happens more often than you’d think and mostly by family members or neighbors. Key thing is to let him keep his dignity. Explain that you are only wanting to help, but you won’t have a say in his healthcare without a medical POA.
The simple thing is to send a note to the doctor saying what you are concerned about and why. A ‘good’ doctor will take it from there to check things out. Many many parents will take advice from their doctor, rather than from their own family. If the doctor doesn’t follow through, consider recommending a different doctor.
At risk for what? As a driver? Living by himself? Are you hoping to get him a memory/cognitive test? Even if his doc gives him this test and it shows impairment, your doctor can't force anything to happen if no one is your father's PoA. No PoA = no power.
If your dad is getting himself to these appointments and the doctor is not making this assessment, (both independently), why would you want this determination made?
Do you have appropriate and pure motives?
If you don’t, and you write such a “letter” you better believe it will be part of the permanent “record.”
You make a valid point. Our OP has given us absolutely no information her, as to what, in her estimation, is going on here. Of late I find that the Forum is getting some questions that look a bit like the entrance to the rabbit hole, and many of us are jumping right in and have long, repetitive discussions, and even argument, as to what the "possible problems" and "motivations" are. And we cannot know this without a good solid question, and without good responses from our OP.
You are correct that a letter to an MD would be noted in his files as to who wrote it, when, and what their major concerns were. And the MD would almost certainly DISCUSS such a letter with his/her patient (if competent).
I think I was "first responder" on this question, or close to, and honestly I just asked a few more questions of our OP. As you will not, he/she didn't return to answer, nor to comment on thread.
Explain, please. What do you mean by "at risk". What symptoms are you seeing? If you are not Medical POA you have no right to communicate with your dad's MD. That is to say you are welcome to communicate if you see CLEAR SIGNS of something; but don't expect an answer. The MDs ALL evaluate any seniors mentation on any office visits and have clear ways of doing so without seeming to.
The doctors are so clever! The questions seem innocuous. “Where did you grow up?” And “What did you do for a living?” And “Where does your son live?” Geriatric specialists are amazing.
Are you the POA for your father? If not, who is? If no one is named POA, I suggest the family get this addressed ASAP. Or, at minimum who is named on his medical records at his PCP as person who can get health information about him, who can physician release info to. If you fit one of the above, then you should be able to at minimum contact his PCP and, share your observations and needs re your father and his safety. If your father is cognitively appropriate, perhaps you could try to have rational conversation with him about the necessary needs to address his health for safety reasons and, to help you and the family be at peace about providing his needs. It sounds like he may surely be in denial about his health status, perhaps grieving his health status, or maybe trying to be " protective" of family still..... There could be any number of things contributing to his refusal to allow family to go to PCP with him. However it does come down to safety issues. You can always confer with an Elder Law Attorney about the dynamics to be more informed about the circumstances around caring for aging. The PCP should be able to provide the family with a " level of care needs assessment" for your father, assign a Geriatric Case mgr or Licensed SW to him , to further determine what level of care is needed to provide safety, medical, emotional care for him. Does he live alone now? If so( or if he is living with someone ) and, you feel he is unsafe and being non compliant or in denial about his condition, you can as last resort ( or sooner if you choose) make a call to APS , Adult Protective Services, and report the situation , APS, will follow up and go from there. If your father is A/ O, cognitively appropriate and able to follow and retain a conversation, you can also inform him that if he continues to deny you or other designated family member access to go to PCP with him to be a part of his health care, then you may have to call APS, and let him know what the potential ramifications of that could be. Maybe that would get his attention.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Without having medical POA, you will not be able to receive feedback from your father’s doctor about his condition.
Best wishes to you.
My experience is that a primary often will not assist. Rather than spend your time trying to get in to see the primary, I might forward him a note for a referral to a neurologist where he could possibly get the correct evaluation and medication for his condition.
Not sure I understand what your aim is?
For the Doctor to observe what you observe?
To hear your concerns?
Or for some type of action to be taken?
Do you have appropriate and pure motives?
If you don’t, and you write such a “letter” you better believe it will be part of the permanent “record.”
Our OP has given us absolutely no information her, as to what, in her estimation, is going on here.
Of late I find that the Forum is getting some questions that look a bit like the entrance to the rabbit hole, and many of us are jumping right in and have long, repetitive discussions, and even argument, as to what the "possible problems" and "motivations" are. And we cannot know this without a good solid question, and without good responses from our OP.
You are correct that a letter to an MD would be noted in his files as to who wrote it, when, and what their major concerns were. And the MD would almost certainly DISCUSS such a letter with his/her patient (if competent).
I think I was "first responder" on this question, or close to, and honestly I just asked a few more questions of our OP. As you will not, he/she didn't return to answer, nor to comment on thread.
What do you mean by "at risk".
What symptoms are you seeing?
If you are not Medical POA you have no right to communicate with your dad's MD. That is to say you are welcome to communicate if you see CLEAR SIGNS of something; but don't expect an answer. The MDs ALL evaluate any seniors mentation on any office visits and have clear ways of doing so without seeming to.
If you fit one of the above, then you should be able to at minimum contact his PCP and, share your observations and needs re your father and his safety. If your father is cognitively appropriate, perhaps you could try to have rational conversation with him about the necessary needs to address his health for safety reasons and, to help you and the family be at peace about providing his needs.
It sounds like he may surely be in denial about his health status, perhaps grieving his health status, or maybe trying to be " protective" of family still..... There could be any number of things contributing to his refusal to allow family to go to PCP with him. However it does come down to safety issues.
You can always confer with an Elder Law Attorney about the dynamics to be more informed about the circumstances around caring for aging. The PCP should be able to provide the family with a " level of care needs assessment" for your father, assign a Geriatric Case mgr or Licensed SW to him , to further determine what level of care is needed to provide safety, medical, emotional care for him. Does he live alone now? If so( or if he is living with someone ) and, you feel he is unsafe and being non compliant or in denial about his condition, you can as last resort ( or sooner if you choose) make a call to APS , Adult Protective Services, and report the situation , APS, will follow up and go from there. If your father is A/ O, cognitively appropriate and able to follow and retain a conversation, you can also inform him that if he continues to deny you or other designated family member access to go to PCP with him to be a part of his health care, then you may have to call APS, and let him know what the potential ramifications of that could be. Maybe that would get his attention.
Practice self care!
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