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If your mother's money, all four shares in it [eye roll], was spent on your mother's care and your mother's living expenses and even any additional expenses that you incurred solely because she was living with you - like higher heating and other utilities bills for example - there is no problem. Particularly there is no problem if you have accounts showing as much.
If by your mother's help you mean that you faced financial challenges of your own and she bailed you out, then as long as she did so knowingly and willingly and on her own initiative you still don't have a legal problem but you can't expect your siblings to like it.
If you haven't kept any accounts and your siblings bring a claim against an estate they presume exists, even if they are wrong, it could all get very stressful. What records do you have of your mother's spending since she came to live with you?
But oh my goodness. It's a new one on me that they could look at her will and reckon that she herself was a one-fourth beneficiary of her own wealth, and the rest already belonged to them. Man.
I posted earlier inquiring if you were merely asking ‘how’ to tell your siblings or if they are asking you about money.
You replied that they haven’t asked yet.
Many of us have been through issues with our siblings so we get your dilemma.
You say that you aren’t confrontational but feel like your sibs will expect some money.
While you don’t have to share any information with them, if this is causing you stress and you want it to be over with I would do as babs suggested, write a brief letter stating any details that you wish to share with them.
I love the idea of a letter! Everything is spelled out in black and white.
You will no longer have the feeling of this issue hanging over your head. Plus, you don’t have to speak with each sibling separately.
If they contact you after receiving the letter, they are being ridiculous. But as babs said, simply tell them that the letter explains everything and you have nothing further to say about the matter.
Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult time.
If she's passed, who is the executor of her estate? I understand that she had no funds left, apparently no property, so no estate unless she had valuable items such as jewelry that could be sold and the money distributed? Personal items, such as musical instruments that she intended to bequeath? You mention that there was a will, so what happens now depends on the executor. If you're that person, it's up to you to gather assets that are left and distribute them according to her wishes. If no assets, the estate can be closed. There are steps to follow to do this, including filing a list of assets. In this case, maybe zero. But the will shouldn't be completely ignored.
1. You have no legal duty to discuss anything including finances about their relative to anyone except if you need them to pay up for their relatives comfort, support, food, housing of course, or they ask. They may not ask, bc they already suspect she’s out of money and don’t want to help.
2. Why are they not helping you help her already? Seems they don’t want to know anything about their relative or they would ask and or be their.
3. If you tell them she has no money, they may abandon her more. If they think they have something coming, they may give her love on a visit or cover for you so you get a break. Greed helps to keep them around.
4. There is no need to bring up money if you don’t legally have to. It will not end well. Drama will occur. If mother has no money contact 211 (in CA or other option in your State or County) for options or Federal MediAid in your State to get them to house her. In CA it’s called Medical paid by Federal govt and some State administered by the State and Counties. They pay for housing portion and medical if cannot afford to. Or, have her kids do this since they are next of kin.
After you get financing options, contact kids to see if they agree to house and care for her first. When they then ask why, you can tell them about no money and options via govt. They have asked legit question. Ask them if they now wish to house and care for their mother along with bill for unpaid expenses do to you.
Let them decide if she needs to live with them or in county , State, Federal paid Residential Care in a private home or County facility. And better yet let them do all the work of finding out and applying for financial options for own relative.
Transparency… so important. I don’t see this going away if you are not transparent. Type a letter explaining there are no funds left. Why there are no funds …You can tell them you were forever grateful for the time , etc.. ..
you don’t give us a lot info. What kind of money are you talking about from the 10 years ago ? Are you talking about 50 or 60 thousand dollars? If so, as a sibling , I would want to know as well .
If it turns ugly , response is : I gave you the information in the letter. but the information needs to be there.
(I see my husband s family disentigrating because the FPOA didn’t want to share the financials when asked. Now, since he didn’t share the Medical POA refuses to share because brother didn’t.. )
The FPOA is not obligated to share financials. They are the principles representative. They answer only to that person. If that person would not have wanted their financials known, then the FPOA cannot give them out. Now if the principle dies, the Executor of the estate can ask for an accounting. Hopefully the FPOA kept good records. Medical works the same way. That person is the only one who Drs and Nurses talk to. What they learn is between them and the principle.
Did your Mom come live with you because of illness or because she could not afford to live on her own?
What is this, lets split our inheritance before Mom dies. We have a thread going on about this where the father did give his kids the money, now he needs Medicaid within the 5 yr look back and there is now a penalty. My SILs sister thought she was entitled to some of the proceeds from her Moms house and the woman was still living.
You tell them they got their inheritance while she was living. Seems to me they are selfish people and Mom picked the right one to live with. I too am not confrontational. Did you keep any kind of records? Does Moms bank account show where her money went? Well, it comes down to Mom lived with you. I am assuming she was competent so capable if spending her money as she wished. Thats the bottom line, it was Moms money to spend as she wished. Just because someone leaves a Will with certain stipulations, does not mean that inheritance will be there when they die. A Will is done for "just in case".
Did Mom have a Will? If Mom has nothing so nothing to Probate. Maybe a call to Probate asking how do you handle a Will that now there is no estate. Normally when a Will is probated all beneficiaries are sent a letter saying the Will has now been filed and is in Probate. Maybe you can send a letter saying that Mom died with no estate or funds.
I really am surprised that they have not bugged u at this point. Ten years is a long time and the cost of living has skyrocketed. Mom was responsible for her own bills. Her living with you did not mean you took on her expenses. The money is gone. SS stops the month of death. As does any pensions. Maybe just wait till asked.
Assuming that funds to care for your mother are no longer a problem, what is there to fear about telling your siblings she left nothing behind her? Were they relying on expectations? Did anyone mislead them about this? Or, are you worried about accounting for your mother's expenditure?
Years ago when she first moved in with my family and my siblings and I got in argument as they wanted to split what she had 4 ways (share myself, two siblings and my mother) as they thought they were entitled to it as her will indicates whatever she had to be split between us. That didn’t happen for obvious reasons and now 10 years later I honestly believe they think that those funds will be sitting there. She did end up gifting some to each as they came asking. No one could predict the following years and the hardship I would have and my mom being my mom helped. Forever grateful to her. It was a joy having her with us and she just loved being around her grandchildren. I know there will be some arguing back and forth and I just don’t know how to approach the subject with them. I am not one who can deal with confrontation and just trying to prepare myself for whatever may come my way.
Don't volunteer info unless they ask. If they ask, you tell them the truth: that providing in-home care for her was a financial hardship on your family and so she offered to compensate you for it out of fairness. And I'm sure she still got "a deal" since you provided on-call, 24/7 excellent loving care that she would not have gotten in any other arrangement.
You are under no obliigation to show them any of the financial transactions or prove anything to them. Instead, you can do the math and show them how the loss of your income contributionfor 10 years impacted your family (no SS added to your account for your own retirement, no paid vacations, no advancement in your career, etc.)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If by your mother's help you mean that you faced financial challenges of your own and she bailed you out, then as long as she did so knowingly and willingly and on her own initiative you still don't have a legal problem but you can't expect your siblings to like it.
If you haven't kept any accounts and your siblings bring a claim against an estate they presume exists, even if they are wrong, it could all get very stressful. What records do you have of your mother's spending since she came to live with you?
But oh my goodness. It's a new one on me that they could look at her will and reckon that she herself was a one-fourth beneficiary of her own wealth, and the rest already belonged to them. Man.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.
I posted earlier inquiring if you were merely asking ‘how’ to tell your siblings or if they are asking you about money.
You replied that they haven’t asked yet.
Many of us have been through issues with our siblings so we get your dilemma.
You say that you aren’t confrontational but feel like your sibs will expect some money.
While you don’t have to share any information with them, if this is causing you stress and you want it to be over with I would do as babs suggested, write a brief letter stating any details that you wish to share with them.
I love the idea of a letter! Everything is spelled out in black and white.
You will no longer have the feeling of this issue hanging over your head. Plus, you don’t have to speak with each sibling separately.
If they contact you after receiving the letter, they are being ridiculous. But as babs said, simply tell them that the letter explains everything and you have nothing further to say about the matter.
Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult time.
1. You have no legal duty to discuss anything including finances about their relative to anyone except if you need them to pay up for their relatives comfort, support, food, housing of course, or they ask. They may not ask, bc they already suspect she’s out of money and don’t want to help.
2. Why are they not helping you help her already? Seems they don’t want to know anything about their relative or they would ask and or be their.
3. If you tell them she has no money, they may abandon her more. If they think they have something coming, they may give her love on a visit or cover for you so you get a break. Greed helps to keep them around.
4. There is no need to bring up money if you don’t legally have to. It will not end well. Drama will occur. If mother has no money contact 211 (in CA or other option in your State or County) for options or Federal MediAid in your State to get them to house her. In CA it’s called Medical paid by Federal govt and some State administered by the State and Counties. They pay for housing portion and medical if cannot afford to. Or, have her kids do this since they are next of kin.
After you get financing options, contact kids to see if they agree to house and care for her first. When they then ask why, you can tell them about no money and options via govt. They have asked legit question. Ask them if they now wish to house and care for their mother along with bill for unpaid expenses do to you.
Let them decide if she needs to live with them or in county , State, Federal paid Residential Care in a private home or County facility. And better yet let them do all the work of finding out and applying for financial options for own relative.
you don’t give us a lot info. What kind of money are you talking about from the 10 years ago ? Are you talking about 50 or 60 thousand dollars? If so, as a sibling , I would want to know as well .
If it turns ugly , response is : I gave you the information in the letter. but the information needs to be there.
(I see my husband s family disentigrating because the FPOA didn’t want to share the financials when asked. Now, since he didn’t share the Medical POA refuses to share because brother didn’t.. )
What is this, lets split our inheritance before Mom dies. We have a thread going on about this where the father did give his kids the money, now he needs Medicaid within the 5 yr look back and there is now a penalty. My SILs sister thought she was entitled to some of the proceeds from her Moms house and the woman was still living.
You tell them they got their inheritance while she was living. Seems to me they are selfish people and Mom picked the right one to live with. I too am not confrontational. Did you keep any kind of records? Does Moms bank account show where her money went? Well, it comes down to Mom lived with you. I am assuming she was competent so capable if spending her money as she wished. Thats the bottom line, it was Moms money to spend as she wished. Just because someone leaves a Will with certain stipulations, does not mean that inheritance will be there when they die. A Will is done for "just in case".
Did Mom have a Will? If Mom has nothing so nothing to Probate. Maybe a call to Probate asking how do you handle a Will that now there is no estate. Normally when a Will is probated all beneficiaries are sent a letter saying the Will has now been filed and is in Probate. Maybe you can send a letter saying that Mom died with no estate or funds.
I really am surprised that they have not bugged u at this point. Ten years is a long time and the cost of living has skyrocketed. Mom was responsible for her own bills. Her living with you did not mean you took on her expenses. The money is gone. SS stops the month of death. As does any pensions. Maybe just wait till asked.
Assuming that funds to care for your mother are no longer a problem, what is there to fear about telling your siblings she left nothing behind her? Were they relying on expectations? Did anyone mislead them about this? Or, are you worried about accounting for your mother's expenditure?
You are under no obliigation to show them any of the financial transactions or prove anything to them. Instead, you can do the math and show them how the loss of your income contributionfor 10 years impacted your family (no SS added to your account for your own retirement, no paid vacations, no advancement in your career, etc.)