Today I sent this text to our 26 year old Granddaughter.
Update from here.......we are still alive! Yesterday after your Mom called, to wish her Dad a Happy 87th Birthday, your Grandpa asked me if she had any children. I said yes, a daughter. He said, “Oh a daughter, how old is she?” I said almost 27. He then asked, “Where does she live?” I said Texas. He then asked, “Does she ever call us?” My answer, No. You see this is what is called the Alzheimers puzzle. He tries to put things together, asks the same questions over and over again. He loves to get phone calls. I can tell he feels the love as he smiles and laughs with them. One of the Birthday calls he got yesterday was from a childhood buddy. His friend told him about the snow he had just plowed and they laughed, because his friend calls every month or so he somewhat remembers him. Not easy to see this brain robbing disease take my dear sweet wonderful husband from me and his ability to do almost anything for himself, but what hurts even more is when others already think he/we are dead. ❤️
he doesn’t even remember that his own children have children of their own!
Guilting kids seldom works. They end up, when we are dead, instead of having joyful sweet memories, sitting and saying "I should have been better; I had no idea", And feeling awful.
But if you do want to guilt them do it in a sweet way. A kind note asking after THEM, how is school, how are your friends, what's your weather like; then an add on of "Grandpa and I spoke of you; we have so many wonderful memories of your growing up. He would love to hear from you."
Life goes on, generations come, have their own children, and pass on. I seldom get to see, visit with my grandson. I know more about his activities from his Mom, my daughter, than from him. But I have my memories, and when we are together I hear he has his own wonderful memories. That's enough for me.
Annie Dillard has a quote I love: "We live our lives as though hundreds of thousands of generations did not come before us, and as though hundreds of thousands of generations were not yet to come".
Fine elder friends, talk about your memories of your kids and your grandkids, and of all else. They will understand and identity so much more with you than young person on the cusp of beginning his or her entire life.
They both told us THEY’D NEVER MARRY, and we were soon OVERJOYED to welcome two AMAZING YOUNG WOMEN to our family when our sons changed their minds!
They had both SWORN that they’d never want children, and it is now the most amazing part of our lives to enjoy the arrival of our FOUR AMAZING GRANDCHILDREN.
Our oldest two are going to be 5 soon, and then there’s a three year old (tomorrow birthday in fact) and the baby will be a year old at the end of this month.
Every time they’re here is fun, for them, I hope, but definitely for us. I have a toy box in the office, and my walls are covered with their pictures, and there is crayon art all over the windows. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I will be VERY OLD indeed, if I live until my oldest grandchild is 26. I’m not SURE that she will want Grandma’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (color of jelly HER CHOICE, of course) but IF she s visiting, and IF she wants to choose the color of her jelly, you can bet there will be jars of different colors for her to choose from.
My grandmother tried to guilt each of her 5 grandkids into doing what SHE wanted. A word of warning - while it might work at first, after a while when you (the guilt-ee) realize how manipulative it is, you tend to be able to ignore it much easier.
And just a question - how often do YOU initiate the call just to chat? Lord knows my grandmother did not feel like that was her responsibility at all - the only time SHE initiated a phone call was when she needed something from one of us - and I include the calls she made to my mom, her daughter.
I'm not on Facebook; I can't get mad at people who post their family news through Facebook and then I don't hear it or I get it second-hand. Especially when I know that's how they post their news. Because it's MY choice not to be on Facebook.
I understand that you're under a lot of stress and grief with your husband's illness. But treating the people in your life like this is not the way to strengthen relationships. Your going to alienate your granddaughter, and just maybe her mother along the way.
BIG thumbs up for that! Never had an account, never will.
Had never seen Betty White before that Snickers Superbowl ad, and then on SNL (I haven't watched TV in 25+ years!) That SNL intro was the best! As she said, "It seems like a huge waste of time." Useful perhaps for sharing a little info here and there, but otherwise, no thanks!
I can text my kids. I can call my kids. I can use another tool for chatting with my son. I can email my kids. Preference is to actually SEE them and talk to them! But I don't need that 'tool' to connect with them.
You could have approached it as “We miss you and would love to chat” instead of passive-aggressively telling her she’s a terrible person who regards you both as dead.
I am an adult - i had two grandmothers. One was interested in ME - her phone calls TO me centered around how i was, what was i doing - she offered support and care and humor. As i grew up i matured and started initiating calls to her. We had a mutual relationship.
My other grandmother never contacted me - expected me to contact her. Then all she did was talk about her aches and pains, and that i never came to see her. No consideration for school, finals, etc.
Guess which one i tried to stay in touch with? If it is all about what YOU want - you wont' get anywhere. Relationships have to go two way. Now that i have a son who is growing up - i realize that for now - i'm the initiator of the time we have together. And i focus on him and his needs. That is where he is at right now.
Your granddaughter is 26 - she is starting out - likely job, her own place, getting established, relationships - there is stress and she is busy. If you lay guilt and demands - it is just one more demand and she will continue ignore you. I know helping your husband your world has shrunk - but not everyone will make it about you.