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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I’m sorry you are going through this. I can tell you are frustrated and just are trying to figure out how best to keep your mom safe. More info would help. How is she being unsafe? Is it in ambulation, accepting spam calls, driving, bathing, financial decisions, etc? How independent is she? Dementia involved?
It depends on a lot of things. If you have POA and she has dementia check your state law on what it will take to get her help. If she has always been this way, you should not expect her to improve. Decades ago when I was away at college my mom needed emergency care twice due to reckless behavior. Her behavior has not improved with age. Thankfully I have POA and I placed her in a memory care facility that is locked down. It's the safest she has ever been in her entire life.
My mother used to walk across a very busy street to get prescription medications at Walgreens when I told her I'd be getting them FOR her later that day.
Then she'd "go for long walks" alone in new neighborhoods w/o ID on her, no cellphone, after dad begged her not to, and be gone for hours on end.
These were a couple of things she did before dementia came into play. Once it did, she'd refuse to use her walker or wear her call button because "it was ugly around her neck" and wound up falling 95x while living in Assisted Living for 5 yrs and then Memory Care for just under 3 yrs.
I used to get very aggravated until I decided the more aggravated I got, the more ridiculous things she'd do. So I quit worrying and just took all the phone calls. The hundreds (literally) of phone calls that came in letting me know about falls, trips to the ER, etc. I'd just meet the ambulance at the ER and put in my required 4 hours there, then go home. It was a very, very long decade of my life, but I put in my time and helped whenever I could. But I didn't try to "fix" a woman who was too broken TO fix. She did what she damn well pleased and we both paid the price, ultimately.
It depends on whether she is of sound mind or not. If she is of sound mind, she is legally allowed to make her own choices including ones you do not agree with like refusing to go to the doctor (like my mother) or giving money away, etc. If she is NOT of sound mind, then the person who has durable power of attorney for her can make changes on her behalf, like arranging for her to go into memory care, selling her house and possessions, taking charge of her finances, taking away her car and driving privileges, etc.
Unfortunately there is often a gray area where the person is not (yet) diagnosed with anything but living in an unsafe and/or unsanitary manner. Or when they never established DPOA.
If she has dementia and/or mental illness, it’s going to likely be impossible to reason with her or convince her of anything. Even if she’s of sound mind, it is tough. People get very set in their ways and afraid of change.
We need more detail. Is she driving when she should not be? What unsafe choices?
“Anosognosia and Dementia Family caregivers are often frustrated by the confusing and seemingly "stubborn" behaviors of a loved one with dementia. For some, this frustration stems from the difficulties in dealing with a loved one who doesn't even realize they have Alzheimer's or dementia. This challenging phenomenon is called anosognosia. What is Anosognosia? According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, anosognosia is when a person is unaware of their own condition or unable to perceive their condition accurately despite evidence to the contrary. When it comes to dementia, one might compare the experience to dealing with someone who is unable to remember that they can't remember. Dementia Denial Anosognosia is not the denial of dementia, it is a true lack of awareness of the condition. There is a difference between denying the reality of a diagnosis and being unaware of the decline in cognitive skills. Think of denial as more of a conscious choice, whereas anosognosia is the lack of insight or ability to process the information that a person's cognition, memory and behaviors have changed. Are Any Dementia Patients Aware of Their Diagnosis? Although family members are often the first to notice changes in memory or behavior, some seniors do recognize the initial declines that spur them to get diagnosis and treatment. As declines in thinking and reasoning progress, a dementia patient's awareness and acceptance of their diagnosis can differ- sometimes on a daily, weekly or even hourly basis. A study performed by Spaletta et al. regarding a patient's adaptation to their dementia diagnosis identifies the true dangers of anosognosia. Not only are seniors with anosognosia unaware of their deficits, they also cannot recognize their limitations in activities of daily living. When patterns of behavior, household routines and social interactions are not adapted to a new, more limited level of functioning there are often negative consequences. Elders with anosognosia push to continue independently performing activities like driving, managing finances, cooking, or living alone without recognition that their impaired abilities may now present a danger to self or others. Should You Remind Someone They Have Dementia? The heartache of caring for someone with dementia is often accompanied by the stress of trying to convince them of the how’s and whys things have changed. The repetitive questions about why Dad can no longer drive or why Mom can't return to her long-time home are even more challenging when attempting to reason with a person who is completely unaware of their deficits. Seniors with dementia lose the ability to reason; seniors with anosognosia can't recognize that they're being unreasonable because they don't understand that anything is wrong. No amount of convincing or telling is going to break through this lack of self-awareness. Anosognosia May Lead to Treatment Refusal Unfortunately, one of the more frustrating behaviors that accompanies anosognosia is the refusal of help. Those who lack self-awareness into their changes in cognition also lack awareness that there is a need for diagnosis, treatment or medication. More so, those who lack awareness in their changes in functioning often refuse the help they need to continue to function safely. A senior with dementia is sometimes the only person unable to recognize their deficits. Once family members and physicians agree that a loved one no longer has the capacity to make decisions on their behalf, families can turn to power of attorney or guardianship in order to put the help a loved one needs in place to maintain their health and safety.”
‘This is from the Resources link at the top of the page. Or you can use this link to find it. There are articles and caregivers comments following each article. You mind it helpful to read.
I'm sure that what you wrote was good. but it is a lot easier to read and take in if it's shorter and divided into paragraphs. I couldn't cope with reading it all!
Does your Mother have a diagnosis of cognitive impairment? Maybe she *can't* recognize her limitations. Dementia robs people of their executive functioning, which is judgment. Now you are the only person who can change and adjust.
Are you her PoA? Even if you are not, it seems you are her caregiver. If you accept this role going into the future then you are the one who will be protecting her and making decisions in her best interests.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Then she'd "go for long walks" alone in new neighborhoods w/o ID on her, no cellphone, after dad begged her not to, and be gone for hours on end.
These were a couple of things she did before dementia came into play. Once it did, she'd refuse to use her walker or wear her call button because "it was ugly around her neck" and wound up falling 95x while living in Assisted Living for 5 yrs and then Memory Care for just under 3 yrs.
I used to get very aggravated until I decided the more aggravated I got, the more ridiculous things she'd do. So I quit worrying and just took all the phone calls. The hundreds (literally) of phone calls that came in letting me know about falls, trips to the ER, etc. I'd just meet the ambulance at the ER and put in my required 4 hours there, then go home. It was a very, very long decade of my life, but I put in my time and helped whenever I could. But I didn't try to "fix" a woman who was too broken TO fix. She did what she damn well pleased and we both paid the price, ultimately.
Best of luck to you. It's exhausting, I know.
Unfortunately there is often a gray area where the person is not (yet) diagnosed with anything but living in an unsafe and/or unsanitary manner. Or when they never established DPOA.
If she has dementia and/or mental illness, it’s going to likely be impossible to reason with her or convince her of anything. Even if she’s of sound mind, it is tough. People get very set in their ways and afraid of change.
We need more detail. Is she driving when she should not be? What unsafe choices?
Family caregivers are often frustrated by the confusing and seemingly "stubborn" behaviors of a loved one with dementia. For some, this frustration stems from the difficulties in dealing with a loved one who doesn't even realize they have Alzheimer's or dementia. This challenging phenomenon is called anosognosia.
What is Anosognosia?
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, anosognosia is when a person is unaware of their own condition or unable to perceive their condition accurately despite evidence to the contrary. When it comes to dementia, one might compare the experience to dealing with someone who is unable to remember that they can't remember.
Dementia Denial
Anosognosia is not the denial of dementia, it is a true lack of awareness of the condition. There is a difference between denying the reality of a diagnosis and being unaware of the decline in cognitive skills. Think of denial as more of a conscious choice, whereas anosognosia is the lack of insight or ability to process the information that a person's cognition, memory and behaviors have changed.
Are Any Dementia Patients Aware of Their Diagnosis?
Although family members are often the first to notice changes in memory or behavior, some seniors do recognize the initial declines that spur them to get diagnosis and treatment. As declines in thinking and reasoning progress, a dementia patient's awareness and acceptance of their diagnosis can differ- sometimes on a daily, weekly or even hourly basis. A study performed by Spaletta et al. regarding a patient's adaptation to their dementia diagnosis identifies the true dangers of anosognosia. Not only are seniors with anosognosia unaware of their deficits, they also cannot recognize their limitations in activities of daily living. When patterns of behavior, household routines and social interactions are not adapted to a new, more limited level of functioning there are often negative consequences. Elders with anosognosia push to continue independently performing activities like driving, managing finances, cooking, or living alone without recognition that their impaired abilities may now present a danger to self or others.
Should You Remind Someone They Have Dementia?
The heartache of caring for someone with dementia is often accompanied by the stress of trying to convince them of the how’s and whys things have changed. The repetitive questions about why Dad can no longer drive or why Mom can't return to her long-time home are even more challenging when attempting to reason with a person who is completely unaware of their deficits. Seniors with dementia lose the ability to reason; seniors with anosognosia can't recognize that they're being unreasonable because they don't understand that anything is wrong. No amount of convincing or telling is going to break through this lack of self-awareness.
Anosognosia May Lead to Treatment Refusal
Unfortunately, one of the more frustrating behaviors that accompanies anosognosia is the refusal of help. Those who lack self-awareness into their changes in cognition also lack awareness that there is a need for diagnosis, treatment or medication. More so, those who lack awareness in their changes in functioning often refuse the help they need to continue to function safely. A senior with dementia is sometimes the only person unable to recognize their deficits. Once family members and physicians agree that a loved one no longer has the capacity to make decisions on their behalf, families can turn to power of attorney or guardianship in order to put the help a loved one needs in place to maintain their health and safety.”
‘This is from the Resources link at the top of the page. Or you can use this link to find it. There are articles and caregivers comments following each article. You mind it helpful to read.
https://www.agingcare.com/topics/295/anosognosia
Are you her PoA? Even if you are not, it seems you are her caregiver. If you accept this role going into the future then you are the one who will be protecting her and making decisions in her best interests.