My husband's family insists in showing up without calling to visit him. There are 4 adults and 10 kids. Any ideas on how to make it possible for him to see his grandkids? I have talked to them twice and was very explicit that visits will have to be short...under an hour...that didn't work, so then I suggested bring half the kids 1 visit and then the others another day...they refuse to do that.
Anyone exp. this? I am sole caregiver, husband has Parkinsons and is blind in 1 eye so very limited vision. Caring for him and running a household solo takes all my energy. There is no way I am going to cater to 14 other ppl. but at the same time I want him to have some connection to his grandkids.
Is there any way that could work?
I agree these are rude people. I would go nuts if 10 kids were running around my house. I bet you just sit there on pins and needles stressing out the whole time. And I realize that what you say could be turned around but I don't think asking that they call before they come is too much to ask. You are not the hired help.
You are not their servant either. I would not feed them. What I might do is leave. Get out of the house. Explain what they may need to do for Dad and to please make sure the kids are careful of the leads.
Maybe you can play school. Sit all the children down and explain that Grandpa is sick. That when they climb all over him they are hurting him. Explain the pacemaker how it helps him and that crawling all over him may dislocate the wires and then he doesn't have the help anymore. Tell them its OK to give him a hug and a kiss but they need to be gentle. Also ask them if they would like you coming to their house and breaking their toys. Hopefully they say they wouldn't. Then you say by running all over you house, they have or could break you toys and like them you wouldn't be happy.
These parents are so wrong in not teaching their children respect for other peoples things.
Check.
"I would go nuts if 10 kids were running around my house."
Check.
"I bet you just sit there on pins and needles stressing out the whole time."
Check.
"...I don't think asking that they call before they come is too much to ask."
Check.
"You are not the hired help."
BIG GIANT CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK!
"You are not their servant either."
Even BIGGER GIANTER CHECK!!!!
"I would not feed them."
Check. Nor would I entertain them in any way, shape or form. I would sit with hubby and make sure the vermin are not crawling on him. If they ask for food or drink, my response would be this isn't a restaurant. BYOF and BYOD. Then help yourself to your own. It is MORE than enough that you provide all his care. They aren't helping and their "visits" only hinder, so it's the least you can do for them, make them bring their own and serve themselves. You just sit with hubby. Worst case then is cleaning up after the slobs when they leave. Do not lift one finger to "serve" them.
"These parents are so wrong in not teaching their children respect for other peoples things."
Another BIG CHECK. Bad enough encountering these kids running amok in stores, with no parent in sight, but to have them in your house?
The one thing I wouldn't do is leave. Bad enough what they're doing right in front of you. He needs to be protected from these clowns. Get yourself and hubby drinks and snacks and SIT. Be the king and queen of the household and let the jesters entertain you (while you ward off the lesser beings.)
Years ago, I suppose that people were less formal.
It always makes things more difficult. They stay a long time. I end up cooking a big meal or picking up food.
It’s rude. I can’t imagine just ‘dropping in’ on anyone.
I had a key to my parents home and I never just walked in. I always rang the bell. My mom would say, “Just let yourself in, honey.”
I never felt comfortable barging in without ringing the bell, even though they were expecting my visit.
Your uninvited company should respect your home and certainly their grandfather’s health concerns.
It’s a shame that this burden is placed on you. The parents should tell them, if they don’t say anything then you have a right to do so.
In your situation, don’t do anything extra. They will have to understand that you weren’t expecting visitors, so you are not the one being rude, they are.
Their visit is an inconvenience when if planned differently and the children behaved better, it would be a welcome pleasure.
I think maybe the outdoor get together is the best option, either at home or in a park, that way they can run off some steam and he can retreat if necessary.
And while I'm sure you would never try to discipline your grandkids that doesn't mean you can't give your own kids a (figurative) slap upside the head 😠
When my mom was in the nursing home I arranged an outdoor picnic for her birthday, we tucked mom off to the side so she could be a part of things and whisked her away for a nap when she had enough.
And as far as them just showing up without calling, now that is just plain rude. I would make it perfectly clear to them that while you and your husband enjoy seeing them and spending time with them, they MUST from now on give you the courtesy of calling first, so you can plan on meeting them elsewhere. PERIOD!!!