My husband and I work full time & are overwhelmed with caregiving. 81 year old FIL lives alone at home, needs help in and out of bed, on and off toilet and needs all meals prepared for him. We have other family members that help but not much and FIL prefers us over them. When I say anything about others helping more, he says he just wants to die so he isn’t a bother to anyone.
~ overwhelmed and low on energy
If he really wanted to die he would voluntarily stop eating and drinking. He is using this as a manipulation.
If he can not get up by himself, he is no longer safe to live alone. Time to get a needs assessment and determine the best facility to meet his needs.
He doesn't get to run the show. Take the power back and help him find the best option. Is he going to like it? Nope but, he is miserable now, so what would be the difference? You wouldn't be burned to a nub with it all, that would be the difference.
He may be much happier in an AL or LTC. He will be kept clean and comfortable. 3 meals a day. The ability to go to a common room and see other people. Join in activities. He seems to be alone most of the time. When ur there its really not a visit. In a facility most of his needs are taken care of. You can go and just visit.
longer in charge of what, who, where and when.
but let me tell you what actor john cleese said to his elderly mother.
...his mother often said she wanted to die.
her son managed to make her laugh...till age 101.
at some point, in her 90s, john cleese got tired of his mother always saying she wanted to die. so he offered to kill her to cheer her up.
:)
he said to her, he has a friend, and if she still felt the same way a week from now, he could, only if she would like, give him a call, and he could come down and kill her.
the mother was a bit surprised. and then burst out laughing.
If he's anything like my family it's time for the "Please don't, cleaning up bodies is seriously SUCH a hassle. Corpses leak *everywhere*."