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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My 61 year old brother has lived with my mother for the past 14 years, though she has financially supported him and his family for much longer. He is on disability and, boy, does he work the system, he works under the table and receives state benefits. He pays no rent or bills. My mom buys all the food and his cell phone. He sleeps in the only bedroom while my mom sleeps on a recliner in the living room. He refuses to do anything around the house...does not even wash his own dishes or clothes. Absolutely will not mow the yard or take out trash.He is filthy, has even been caught peeing in the kitchen sink and pees in bottles, which are laying in his room, instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. There are mice and bugs in his room. He lays in bed all day smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. My mother will give him money if he asks for it and even if he doesn't. To top this all off his 30 year old son lives in the basement and is just as bad as my brother is. He doesn't have a job and relies on my mother to support him. They both abuse her mentally and emotionally. I've sent Adult Protective Services to her home but because she is aware of what is happening with them and is OK with it there's really nothing they can do. I've called the police on several occasions when I've been there to witness the abuse they pour on her, but since there's no physical abuse they do nothing. If I try to talk to her about the situation she becomes very defensive towards them and very angry with me. I have only scratched the surface of this situation. Anybody out there have any experience with a situation like this. All insight would be appreciated.
The power lies with your mother to change the situation and she has proven she’s content with things as they are. She’s not being forced into abuse, she’s choosing it daily. Back out of even discussing it at all, mom has long ago shown her priorities
Does your brother and his son ever leave the house? You might distract both of them with a trip or an emergency that would require him to be out of the house for a few days. Once they are away hire a moving company to take all their belongings to a storage facility and change the locks. When they come back your mother can tell them that they are formally evicted and not welcome to come back to live with her ever again.
Is your mother competent? If so this is her battle in many respects. She would have to legally evict both your brother and his son. If mom is not competent then her POA (if there is one) needs to step in and handle the situation. Again legally evicting both of them. And if mom would then be left living alone a caregiver would have to be hired to help out. Or mom moves to a facility that can manage her care or she moves in with a relative. The house to be sold to help pay for her care. (unless said relative moves in with her)
If you have proof of abuse either financial (from what you have said your mother is willingly supporting he adult child and grandchild...if she is competent) Or if you have proof of physical, emotional abuse you report it to your States Elder Abuse hotline number or if there is a Senior Center in her area you can go there and they should have a Social Worker that you can report to.
Your mother chooses to enable her freeloading, lay-about son and grandson. It's not for you to decide what she does in her home. Here is what is your choice to make. If she complains to you about the situation and tries to get pity from her, you can choose to shut her down and refuse to listen. That's what I did in a similar situation involving my mother and a some family members. Whenever she started "venting" (aka complaining) to me or trying to get pity about the situation, I'd shut it down. You should try it. Tell her she chooses to allow what's going on and that you won't listen to a word about it. Leave the option open of you helping her evict them if she's willing, but refuse to help with anything else. Don't even go over her house.
Unless you are your Mother's PoA you have no power in this situation. You say your Mom is aware of what he's doing and is allowing it. It seems he is mentally ill. Just keep reporting the conditions of the home to APS. Eventually it may become bad enough that they will take action. You need to come to grips with the fact that your Mom is an enabler and/or fool. She's been doing this for decades and she's not going to change now.
Please let it go and move on with your life. She's choosing to live this way. It's painful, I know but there's no sense in giving yourself anxiety so that yet another person's life is wrecked. May you receive peace in your heart as you live your best life without being involved.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If so this is her battle in many respects.
She would have to legally evict both your brother and his son.
If mom is not competent then her POA (if there is one) needs to step in and handle the situation. Again legally evicting both of them.
And if mom would then be left living alone a caregiver would have to be hired to help out. Or mom moves to a facility that can manage her care or she moves in with a relative. The house to be sold to help pay for her care. (unless said relative moves in with her)
If you have proof of abuse either financial (from what you have said your mother is willingly supporting he adult child and grandchild...if she is competent) Or if you have proof of physical, emotional abuse you report it to your States Elder Abuse hotline number or if there is a Senior Center in her area you can go there and they should have a Social Worker that you can report to.
Please let it go and move on with your life. She's choosing to live this way. It's painful, I know but there's no sense in giving yourself anxiety so that yet another person's life is wrecked. May you receive peace in your heart as you live your best life without being involved.