Gershun Asked May 2016
Are there any other empaths out there?
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I've been in a snit fit all weekend. I was tempted to take something to help me sleep and stay in bed till tomorrow.
I've read a little more in the book. The author said she was going to expand on the definitions of things like narcissism and sociopathy. I am finding myself saying no, no, that's not right. Then i realize I'm a bit of a stickler for well researched things, instead of personal experience. I'll have to change the way I'm reading it and see if it's more enjoyable.
I struggle when she's in pain too because I feel her. I just want her pain to stop so I can stop feeling it sometimes which makes me in some ways a better caregiver as I'm more demanding for her needs. I make sure she keeps up with her pain shots and gets physical therapy when she needs it and keeps on her Tylenol daily so that I can get a break from her pain.
I actually had someone ask me once if I thought I was an empath. Me being curious, after denying it of course, went and googled the word and saw so many people who describe the same things I go through. I talk to animals. I will sit and have conversations with them and can tell sometimes what they are thinking. I relate to them. I do the same with kids hence why my job before I had to quit it to care for my grandma, was with kids. I just knew what they needed. Babies would cry and I knew whether they were bored, wanting a certain person or were hungry. When a toddler talks to me it's in English even when it's not and instead in baby talk. I have the same connection with my grandma. I can sense when she needs something. It comes in handy but sometimes it's overwhelming. I feel smothered and controlled since she knows that I know what she needs and that she can manipulate me that way.
It's a hard battle and I wish I could build a better wall but so far the only time I have pulled it off ended with me completely turned off from emotions and caring for my grandma and my sister's two kids. I can't afford to do that. I'm needed too much. So far now I'll escape for minutes when I can.
Sometimes with a twist.
Sometimes with olives.
Sometimes, the olives are stuffed with blue cheese.
On Sundays, vodka in a Bloody Mary with celery and a jumbo shrimp.
Vodka sauce for pasta.
Vodka in watermelon.
Pie crust using vodka.
My adopted grandmother drank one ounce of vodka every day. She led a long, happy and healthy life until one day she didn't wake up. She also got "the feels" as she called them but she also walked everyday, ate well, talked on the phone, and socialized. She laughed a lot and that's what I remember most about her. So maybe it wasn't the vodka but rather the laughter.
Or he would want to know why I was crying, again. I think this is one reason that care giving is so difficult for me because I am soaking in all the depression, anger, confusion, etc. I cannot be in a large crowd for long before I start feeling panicky.
And the other day I was debating on whether to do some artwork, or do the housework and I swear that my grandmother ( who also did art) said to me ' child, leave the house alone.'
Any insights from the sociopath book?
I read the DSM IV when I want to figure out someone's behaviors to match to a diagnosis.
As I used to understand it, some women are magnets for sociopaths.
I was always the one who took the extra time with the disabled, when my friends just walked away feeling nothing. My first job was working with the United Cerebral Palsy, and I stayed for 3 years as a teenager.
I have a sister who is an extreme Empath, a she feels others pain and discomfort to the point of crying, it's sometimes difficult to be in a public place with her, as she seems to pick up on others plights too much, and it stops us from getting to where we were going.
My own Mom, felt she could hear and communicate with my deceased father, while she herself was dying, and on Hospice, I believed her, while others were skeptical, but the fact that she believed it, gave her much comfort.
Like others have mentioned, I can suss out, an alcoholic or drug abuser, a wife beater, child abuser, animal abuser and even people who are trying to fleece an elderly person, or other criminals, just being near them, and it makes me wish I were more outspoken at times, but then we do need to think of our own safety too! I definitely do stand up, when I actually see an illegal event taking place, and get the attention of the proper authorities, but I don't outright confront someone who I suspect is an ugly person inside.
There is definitely a fine line that we have to respect, or we put ourselves in a position of being in danger or a doormat, and while I can think of instances where I've certainly been taken advantage of, I do try to stand up for myself and others who cannot.
Just the other day, a disabled person in a wheelchair accidently got off of the wrong bus, on her way home to the group home that she lives in, and she ended up in my driveway, of course! Lol! She was unable to speak verbally, and actually did have Cerebral Palsy, and me having had some experience with this, was able to find her home number, and called for the group home to come and pick her up. Interestingly enough, she had been on her way home from the local COMMUNITY COLLEGE, and she was there, getting her college credits transfered, so that she could begin the new school year. Now how many people, would stand there in the rain, offer coverage and a blanket and drink, and learn so much about another person who had severe communication disabilities, and yet enjoy visiting with each other in our own special way, and be able to learn that she in fact, is married, has a degree, and is working on another, is extremely bright and funny, and yet couldn't utter a single word. It actually was an in lightening experience for me! She ultimately was licked up, and the driver was quite impressed! Lol!
While being an Empath has its own challenges, I much prefer to be one, than be a cold and uncaring person, as the world has plenty of them!
I saw a boy injure a horse when I was 6 years old. It did something to me. I could feel the pain the horse felt. I never forgot it.
I tried to protect animals my entire life. When I was 25, I held up Thanksgiving Dinner at my family's home, trying to get help for a injured dog beside the highway that had been hit by a car. No one was interested in helping on a holiday. My family thought I had lost my mind. I told them to WAIT a little while that I WOULD get the dog help. I did. My family thinks I'm a little odd about being so sensitive.
I met an elderly man who lived in a shed while in college. I raised food and clothes for him for a year. I sensed that no one cared about him. I was blessed immensely for that.
I also had quite a few instances of sychronicity during my life. One in which I was dreaming of my ex-boyfriend being in severe pain. ( I had not spoken to him in over a year.) The next day, I got a call that he was severely injured in a car accident!
Around that same time I had a dream that my mother was in severe emotional pain and crying. It was so real, I awoke in fear. The next day, I called her and she told that she had had received terrible news of a friend's death in the middle of the night and was very distraught!
Years later, I had a dream of my young niece crying and blood on a windshield. I was terrified. Later, without me saying anything about it, her mother said she was anxious over her upcoming surgery and awoke in the night pounding the window in her room! And there have been others.
It seems the more that I am connected, the more likely I will pick up on the feelings.
Sunnygirl, it is interesting that you empathy has crossed into joining across the miles. I've never had that happen. When I see things or hear things, I feel deeply. When someone falls on TV, I have to close my eyes so I don't hit bottom with them. When an animal is hungry, I feel its hunger and want to help. I've never had any type of clairvoyance, though. That would be unsettling and maybe endearing.
Those with antisocial disorders (psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists) are low empaths — in other words, they don’t care about anyone except themselves. It leaves no imprint on their conscience to use and abuse. Conversely, their victims are often high empaths or emotionally sensitive people. Women like this truly care and hurt when others are in trouble or pain. They may cry easily at heart-tugging commercials. They are often in helping industries such as nursing or social work.
Psychopaths love these types of women because their inherent caring makes them not give up easily, especially after the psychopath begins exhibiting disturbing behavior. While someone who is not so sensitive may run from a man who starts to show signs of addiction, aggression or lying, a highly empathetic woman will instead think that she can save or help the psychopath. Thus she doesn’t leave the relationship early and becomes even more bonded and involved with the psychopath, and even more convinced her help is needed, despite escalating troubling behavior on his part.
Send - I agree that sociopaths/psychopaths are very dangerous to people who are sensitive and caring. You have to protect yourself.
Interactions of the sociopath
Let's look at what we term the Socio-Empath-Apath Triad, or Seat. Unremitting abuse of other people is an activity of the sociopath that stands out. To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on: apaths.
The apath. We call those who collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or apaths. In this situation, it means a lack of concern or being indifferent to the targeted person.
We have highlighted the importance of seeing the problem for what it is via the tale of the Emperor's New Clothes, which represents the collective denial and double standards which are often a feature of social life. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind: ie, not to see that the emperor/empress is naked.
Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath's arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse. Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others - just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.
How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. They might be jealous of or angry at the target, and thus have something to gain from the evolving situation.
At other times, the apath might not want to see the 'bad' in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath's conscience appears to fall asleep. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest.
Readers might know of Yale University professor Stanley Milgram's experiments to test the human propensity to obey orders, as participants gave increasingly large electric shocks to subjects. Afterwards, he wrote an article, The Perils of Obedience: "Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process".
Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the emperor/empress is wearing new clothes. They might also fail to perceive the threat: a danger is of no importance if you deny its existence.
An apath's response to a sociopath's call to arms can then result from a state of 'learned helplessness'. Apaths behave defenselessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances [including the sociopath turning on them]. Apathy is an avoidance strategy.
Yes, you are right, an intellectual-that describes only one of your characteristics.
Instead of labeling yourself by the above article's parameters, understand it is describing people who are on the far side of the range of harmful behaviors.
1) There is always more than two or three 'types' of people, these 3 types are only being described in this article by psychiatrists.
2) Every human has some level of these characteristics and behaviors, to some degree. No wonder most anyone can identify with some behaviors in the article.
And a sociopath/psychopath will not be the one wondering if any of this fits.
imo.
this is how i feel after all these years of sociopath boy friends, narc sister, and caring for parents who were abusive to us children