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I am grateful when she accepts once or twice a week, and that requires a lot of concessions on the financial end. We have had to hire an outside companion at $30/hr with a 3hr minimum just to get a shower or whirlpool bath done one day, and a trip to the hairdresser another day. She insists on that hairdresser trip even though we call the place "Zina's Zombie hair salon with Marilla the Mortician" because her hair looks so terrible and laquered up. But at least it is washed and she loves that outing, and Mom thinks it looks great!
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Most elders, whether or not the have dementia or not should shower or bathe 2 times a week to make sure all the sweat and dirt if off them. I think that's the schedule in the nursing homes as well. If you have a garden tub or lucky enough to have a tub with jets in it, tell her she is getting her "spa" treatment with bubble baths. Sometimes just soaking in soapy water will clean them. Use candles or flameless candles to set the mood and let her soak. You can also use waterless shampoo, or dry shampoo. If she resists the washing of the hair, ask her if you can just brush her hair then. Stand behind her and sprinkle on the dry powder and give her a head massage to work the powder in and brush it out. It helps remove the dandruff, oils and excess dirt if any if there. You can wash the hair this way until her regular "hair appointment" where she will get a full wash and blow dry. My dad tried that on me when he was living with me years ago. He decided one day that he no longer needed a bath or shower because he wasn't sweating any more. Well, he was and I could smell him after several days. I would just tell him "today is shower day" and if I got any flak from him, I would have to call my brother to come help me. Dad always did what my brother told him to do so he would just put him in a plastic chair in the tub and give him the portable shower head, washcloth and soap and told him "either you do it or I'll do it" so he would do it. Once or twice a week is sufficient for older people. They don't work up a sweat like we do when we're younger. I think having the chair in the tub helped a lot because I really think he was worried about falling since he had fallen before. Good luck stressed52, I hope you have found the right timing for your mom and it's working now. It's really like taking care of a 2 year old sometimes isn't it?
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Twice a week, regardless of whether Mom's washing her hair, i use a dry shampoo. She loves having her hair brushed as the crown of her head itches. [i understand this could be due to neurological changes in general]. i use either Herbal Essences spray-on [wonderful scent] and just brush out the flaking. Her hair smells very fresh, and the loose skin comes out easily. Also, there's a more pricey medical foam shampoo in a pump can, that you just scrub around and wipe out with a dry cloth. Mom's scalp has become a bit too sensitive for that motion, and she tolerates the spraying of Herbal Essences [like a cat, cringes at the sudden motion, despite being prep'd for it]. i'm awfully glad the pharmacist guided me toward the HE product vs. the medical foam. It does a really good job. It's very much worth a try [about $7 a spray bottle] and i hope it helps!
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My Mom also was reluctant to shower but I believe in honesty and informed her that we humans are stinky creatures and as long as she pees, poops and sweats she needs to shower at least twice a week! She has to be reminded of this but it gets her in the shower. She's adamant though that her hair not get wet, so we compromised and she goes to the beauty shop once a week for a wash and set. This approach has worked for us. Man, I hope when I get old I don't lose the love of my daily shower. It's such a nice way to start the day.
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Ok so getting this shower thing down is halfway then the water on she tries to leave neked not even realizing it. So then it getting get in the shower and sat... Then it's gettin her privates cleaned ... Total defiant resistance... help any ideas that are better for this
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Replacing the shower head with a hand held hose is great, and the most simple one with the white flexible hose are easiest to hold and use, rather than the metal hose with larger heads and more settings to spray. That way Mom can spray her own privates though I spray the rest while she washes. One of the principles of this challenge is that dementia patients need cueing way before they need the actual help to do the actions. This was frustrating to me because I am still sure she could do this independently, but she totally needs the cueing for every step along the way. Another thing she often says is "oh I can do this" and what works best is "I don't mind helping" when its obvious she does need the assist such as adjusting the flow or temp. She has to have someone right there the entire time. And it has to end with something she likes such as lotion on her legs, or having her eyebrows drawn on.
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