My mother has bathed about twice in the past two weeks and never washed her hair in that time. I just got out and asked her if she would like to take a bath and wash her hair. It turned into a screaming tantrum. She refused to wash her hair and said she would take a bath later, which means she is NOT taking a bath. She goes out into the yard and works around enough that she does need a bath just to at least feel better if not clean but it is like pulling teeth to get her to do it. There is always an excuse of, I'm tired, I'll do it later, I took one yesterday. Washing her hair she says, no I do not wash it in the shower, I wash my hair in the kitchen sink, so I tell her okay lets go and i will help you. That does not work she begins yelling. In reality she DOES wash it in the shower NOT in the kitchen sink. About 40 years ago she washed it in the kitchen sink but never since way back then.
This is an ongoing problem that I have tried to handle every way I can and nothing works. Today I finally told her that if she continued to refuse to bathe and wash her hair, of her own free will, then I will have to hire a home care nurse to come and help her. World War III broke out and i was called every name in the book, and told that "if you even try it, you will find your a--- sitting out in the street looking for a new place to live!"
I do not push her to bathe on a daily basis or even every other day because of her tantrums. I can't take it and neither can my daughter. I don't know that bathing every day is a necessity but honestly can you all give me your opinions on how often she should reasonably be expected to bathe. Prior to the dementia she bathed every single day, not any more.
I am her 24/7 caregiver, daughter and DPOA. I live in her home with my daughter and care for her without any compensation and I actually pay for household expenses.
It just seems to be a thing with some older people I guess. She's still pretty careful about her personal hygiene after the bathroom, she tries, but it's getting more difficult.
I tried what Jinx suggested, setting a date and reminding her over and over again. On the appointed day/time, she'd still balk. So then I changed my plan of attack and would just would go over and say, "We're going to shower now." I learned after one screaming/crying it had to be earlier in the morning, because she gets tired in the afternoon. So try to figure out when might be the best time for your mom and then do what you can. And my mom is like yours, she can't remember a day later something gross (in my mom's case, she had bugs in her pantry because she kept leaving open cookies and crackers around. Bugs crawling everywhere. It was DISGUSTING! She'd forgotten the whole thing a day later. But I didn't. Shudders.) Good luck with your mom...
Good luck. Also see about antianxiety drugs.
I hoped the washing episode would be so gross to her that she would not forget it, but by this evening when I mentioned to her that she would need to wash her hair 2 times a week with the special shampoo to keep that stuff off her scalp, she had no idea what I was talking about.
So the next time she bathes it will be the whole ordeal all over again of just trying to get her to wash her hair and bathe......period
Getting them to actually do it is the real problem. My mom would rather not,but doesn't give me near the grief, you, and a lot of others go through. Stay tuned....someone here has an answer to help you, I'm sure. Good Luck!