My mother is 98 years old. She can't see, hear well or walk. She doesn't have Alzheimer's, but she does have mild moments of dementia where she sees things and talks out of her head. We have overheard conversations and have had others report to us that my sister is trying to talk my mother into changing her will and leaving everything to her. She's gone so far as to call attorneys to see if they would come out to the house to have her sign the paperwork. My sister is a part time caregiver for my mother and my brother is the other. she lives with my mother and has a full time job, but she does not contribute financially to the household. I and my two other brothers handle any major expenses and home repairs. She lives there free of charge and will continue to live there for free if anything happens to our mother.
Right now, our mother is in no shape mentally to be signing any legal or financial papers. We feel my sister is trying to bully our mother into signing things over to her. She's already taken the jewelry. Now she's trying to get her to sign things over by threatening not to do things for her. How do we go about making sure this does not happen? I live out of town and she is the only one that lives in the home so she is doing this behind our backs when we are not there. My mother has been clear about her wishes for years. She is in no shape to make those kind of decisions now.
Also I would install a "nanny cam" in your mother's house. This will give you first hand knowledge about what your sister is doing. You might think that is too expensive or too complicated. But with your mother's condition and you are not there, you should know what is going on in your mother's house 24/7. A nanny cam will also show you if your mother is wandering at night or if your sister is allowing strangers in the house.
I provide caregivers for those with memory loss. I soon will insist that new clients install a nanny cam before we start working with them.
Good luck. You need to be vigilant about your sister's activities.
Don
You say she does not contribute: switch places with her and you'll see how hard it is to take care of someone who hallucinates. It is exhausting. What if you go there for a week. It will be an illuminating experience.
I just have a couple of questions, First is, Are you on that will ? Second, Is the will itemized as to who gets what? Third is, Has someone been appointed to handle the Estate ? Estate is used as to refering to everthing she owns from her socks to all accounts,houses,cars bikes walker, i mean everything, i'll cut this short, its sounds like a bad moon arising, but find out who gets what , who is going to be appointed conservetor of the estate, there more then likely be probate court who will monitor what happens to your moms estate if you guys cant except what is in that will no matter how you look at it the probate court is going to honor it as for the house she cant live in it unless your other siblings agree on it or your mothers will listed her as sole reciepient of that house if not then you sell it divide the amount find out what the estimated value of the jewelery and you deduct it from her share and spit it with the rest of your siblings, i say all this cause it happened to me and i advise you to look into probate court and its process hopefully you all work it out GOOD LUCK
I understand your sister works full time probably 8 hours, and is that when your brother takes over the caregiving? Then your sister comes home and is a caregiver for the other 15-16 hours. That is a lot of work. She is probably doing most of the household chores unless your brother pitches in to help in that department. Does sis take care of Mom all weekend, or does brother help out? Or do you drive over to give your sister a break on weekends?
Caregiving someone with memory problems [Mom is in no shape mentally] can become a total burn out rather quickly.... I can't imagine your sister is getting enough sleep so she can be alert at her full time job. I think your sister is more than entitled to live rent free with your Mom.
You mentioned you and other brothers handle any major expenses or repairs. What is that 5 minutes on the phone to a plumber, electrician, etc once in a great while? Bet your sister would be more than happy to trade places.
Your original post refers to what "you" want. What do your brothers think?
I think it would be helpful to spend a few weeks substituting for your sister so you know exactly what she's going through. Let her take a vacation.
Until someone walks in the shoes of the live-in caregiver, it's only a mental exercise, not a real sense of what it's like, to imagine how demanding and fatiguing it is.
If I was in your shoes, here's how I would handle the matter on getting rid of the deadbeat leeching moocher:
The best and fastest way to get rid of someone is to stop feeding them.
* Stop feeding her.
* Put locks on all of the refrigerators, freezers cabinets and other pantries.
* Lock up all of the food and don't give her nothing. At meal time, don't set a place for her, eat when she's not there and just don't feed her or give her anything to drink, not even water.
* Remove her bed and lock her out of her room.
* Don't give her access to any furniture or anything within that house. If she's going to sit down, she's going to have to do it outside sit outside (and not on any of the chairs).
* If she's not contributing to the household in any way whatsoever, she's not entitled to anything and she doesn't even belong there if she's not going to contribute
And you mentioned others are telling you what you sister is doing. Who are these "others"? Friends, relatives? Who are they talking to to get this information? Are they talking to your mother? If this information is coming from your mother, please please note that with memory issues there are stages, and one stage is telling stories that aren't true just to get attention.
As for the jewelry, how to do you know you sister took the jewelry? Have you seen it missing from your Mom's room? Maybe your sister placed it in a safe place because Mom was giving away her jewelry to other people [again, this is common with memory issues].
Your sister could be totally innocent of all your charges.
If your mom is in danger (physically or financially) then you and your brothers can hire outside caregivers and lawyers to make sure she's kept safe. If your sister really isn't contributed anything and you and your siblings don't feel that her caregiving counts as contribution, then perhaps the rest of you need to remove her and take over care of your mom. If she is indeed threatening your mom then she needs to be removed regardless. Your mom's safety and well being should be more important than the money.