Mom is 93. I live with her and the male caregiver lives with her full time. 3 million dollar home, pool, his own bedroom, works 9 to 5 when he is here. Will not chip in for food, cable, gas, nothing. Double dips mraning mom lets him go work other jobd when he is suppose to be hete mon threw fridays 9 to 5. Most nights sleeps over girlfriend. Does. basically nothing and she loves him and turning against my sister and I. Writing on the wall, he is using my mom.she showers herself, dresses herself and he does nothing but live like a king, she pays him 400 a week and he pays no rent. How do we convince her to let him go. She had a head injury so she forgets alot. This leech is bad news. Please help
Elderly people have the right to make mistakes. Upsetting as this is, unless it can be proven that something illegal is going on, or that you mom isn't capable of making her own decisions, there may not be anything that you can do. I certainly see why this is upsetting to you, but if she's happy with the arrangement and nothing illegal or abusive is going on then you may be stuck.
Please keep us posted as you learn more.
Carol
How much do you think he should he be paying from the paycheck for room and board? Plus paying his estimated quarterly income taxes? You mentioned your Mom's home is worth $3M, thus from a real estate point of view and depending on location [like near a large metro area], room and board would be around $1500 to $2k per month. Thus, no Caregiver could afford to live in such a home being paid only $10/hour, paying estimated taxes, and also paying room/board. This young man isn't building up much of a nest egg... living like a King, far from it. No wonder he needs to work another job.
As for sleeping elsewhere at nights, after 5pm and on weekends is his time to do whatever he likes.
If this gives your mother pleasure, and she can afford it, what is the problem?
Hmmm. What does "turning against my sister and I" mean? Is he actively trying to turn her against you, or is she mad about your efforts to "get rid of" something she likes?
You are right to be cautious of someone who lives in your mother's house. You have her best interests at heart, which is more than we know about him. But, and this is a huge but, if she is considered legally competent she can make her own decisions, even foolish ones. Keep an eye on the situation, but try not to alienate your mother as you do so. Your relationship with her is probably more valuable than the room and board he is getting.
Some posters are suggesting you fire the guy and change the locks. I think they are assuming that you have more authority over the situation than you really do. POA gives you the authority to handle your mother's affairs at her direction. If she doesn't direct you to fire him, I'm afraid doing so will stir up even more ill-will. She could, you know, appoint him to be POA. Yikes!
I can see how uncomfortable this situation is for you, and I don't blame you. But I caution you to keep an eye on the situation but not to overstep your authority. If Mom is truly incompetent, consider guardianship. Otherwise, keep in mind that with luck you will be 93 some day -- how much interference will you want in your personal decisions?
How long have you been living with her?
Who hired him?
What does he do during his working week?
What is his other job?
What are your mother's care needs, would you say?
Does your mother have capacity?
I realise that's a lot of questions and no answers. But from what you say, your mother enjoys this person's company, perhaps gets some reassurance from there being someone around to call on in an emergency, and altogether thinks he's worth the $20K + a year that she's spending on him. Sounds like plenty to me, for not much in return, but this is up to her if she is still in charge of her own life and her own house.
What kind of plan have you as a family made for her care as she becomes older and more frail? If there isn't one, perhaps you'd better approach her about it; but don't start from the premise that this man, whom she likes, has to go or you'll get nowhere. You may resent him but clearly she doesn't.
Do you think getting paid $400/ week is really "living like a king"?
Unless he is supposed to be there 24/7, the hours that he is not working are his own & he can do whatever he wants to do on those hours.
It sounds like this guy is not a "caregiver", but a companion. Those are 2 totally different things. If your mom can bathe herself, dress herself, etc., then he is probably there to keep her company.
Why don't you keep her company so that she wouldn't need to pay someone $400 for that?
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