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so my sister and brother in law come to visit. my dad takes out his enevlope with pay stub and cash in it to give them some cash. brother in law takes picture of dads $1800 check . now keep in mind dads property taxes and ins is $1600 a month i know he thinks im stealing funds. dads ss check is $2000 a month any sane person knows how far that goes in N Y

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If you think there is financial abuse of your dad you can contact your State's Elder Abuse hot line and report it.
If dad is NOT competent and you are POA then you have the legal obligation to protect him and his finances.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Billy, may I ask, is this how you want to be spending your life? At home with your father full-time for years on end? You've written before about having taken a large pay cut to work only part-time in exchange for free rent and a very minimal stipend, taking acre of your father 18 hours a day, and about estranged siblings and now an in-law questioning the finances, to the point of you needing medical attention for anxiety.

Is it time for you to sell your dad's house to fund facility care, so that you can go back to full-time work and have your own place and a social life? You don't know how many more years your dad will need full-time care, nor how many years of good health you will have left afterward to enjoy a life of your own. Do you want to travel, go out with friends, perhaps date? Is your own financial situation for retirement secure, without needing to scrimp and save and deprive yourself, or do you need to build up your income and savings? Would your dad benefit from being in a more social setting?
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Reply to MG8522
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Start keeping good records of where money goes. If you are POA make sure dad never sees money if he has dementia. You should be getting and depositing all checks. See a lawyer.
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Reply to JustAnon
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You Dads Social Security no longer comes by check correct. Why is Dad giving sister money at all. POA in my State defaults to immediate unless otherwise stated. You are incharge and you have the right to say no more. If Dad needs this money to live, this is financial abuse of the elderly. Why does sister think she is entitled to Dads money?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Is the house and property deed in your fathers name only or is this a life use tenant deed with remainderman as you and your siblings that your father set up?

If you have all the receipts for his expenses along with the corresponding check payments (in the same amounts as the expenditures), you should be in a strong position. The responsibility is on them to establish a valid claim and provide supporting evidence. They would also need to retain an attorney to evaluate the case and determine whether it is viable to proceed to court.

You are POA and have the legal right to pay your fathers expenses. Being POA is not fun. There will always be skeptics and misinformed people trying to butt in. I wish you the best.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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billyb7777 Jun 8, 2026
thank you. dads documented expenses eletric, water, cable, txs, insurance, oil heat ,caretaker home maintance leaves dad with about $400 a month. the documentation is that dad signs a yearly spread sheet listing monthly expenses witnessed by doctor or notary . not inculeded is food, toiltries, pills, other small medical needs . therefore i have not kept every food, drug store receipt . there are no large withdrawls or transfer from his bank accounts . i have been his caretaker for the last 13 years live with him and spend 18 hrs a day so he is not left alone this is since he was 86 years old. last 2 years in law has been butting in on my affairs hearsay is they suspect fianical abuse . should i expect a problem when dad passes away ? in laws never started butting in till last 2 years . house deed is in dads name willed to them i am ok with dad giving them some $ on few occasions . however the thought of being acused has cause me to seek medical attetion for anixeity
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If you are the financial PoA then how is your Dad having any access to cash? You are the solution to this problem. As PoA you are not at all obliged to divulge any of your Dad's financial management to anyone else except if a judge asks.

Why are your adult siblings sucking money out of your Dad?

Go to Dad's bank with your PoA paperwork and submit it. Sometimes the banks will automatically add you as joint, other just as PoA. Once you have authority you move the vast majority of any cash into a savings account and leave the bare minimum in the checking to pay bills, insurance, taxes, etc. And then you do not give Dad any more cash because he can't afford to give it away.

You as PoA allowing your Dad to give away cash when he can't afford to IS the mismanagement here. Call his bank and ask how to submit your PoA paperwork (sometimes they require you to bring the account holder into the bank with you). Stop worrying about your sibling and what they think. Call the elder law attorney to find out how to properly manage things as a financial PoA. Read the document to make sure your authority is active. This is your responsibility as PoA.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Billy, apologies if you’ve answered this before—is dad dealing with dementia or showing significant cognitive decline? This makes a big difference with his finances. If he’s of sound mind, he can give money to anyone he pleases, even when it seems like a bad idea. If he has dementia, you as POA need to take over his finances and not allow brother or anyone else to get his funds. In either event, keeping a lot of cash in the home is a bad idea for multiple reasons. If you fear losing dad’s home or his inheritance money, know that it’s on you to provide for your own future. None of us should depend on our parent to provide for us once we’re adults. I still urge you to return to work and preserve your financial independence
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You can speak with the police or a lawyer. If you have financial POA you can stop your dad from having money or your inlaws from getting any.
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Reply to JustAnon
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billyb7777 Jun 8, 2026
my concern is i think trying to build financial missue of funds against me . i have POA . i have heard rumors " we know he stealing money "
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