so my sister and brother in law come to visit. my dad takes out his enevlope with pay stub and cash in it to give them some cash. brother in law takes picture of dads $1800 check . now keep in mind dads property taxes and ins is $1600 a month i know he thinks im stealing funds. dads ss check is $2000 a month any sane person knows how far that goes in N Y
If dad is NOT competent and you are POA then you have the legal obligation to protect him and his finances.
Is it time for you to sell your dad's house to fund facility care, so that you can go back to full-time work and have your own place and a social life? You don't know how many more years your dad will need full-time care, nor how many years of good health you will have left afterward to enjoy a life of your own. Do you want to travel, go out with friends, perhaps date? Is your own financial situation for retirement secure, without needing to scrimp and save and deprive yourself, or do you need to build up your income and savings? Would your dad benefit from being in a more social setting?
If you have all the receipts for his expenses along with the corresponding check payments (in the same amounts as the expenditures), you should be in a strong position. The responsibility is on them to establish a valid claim and provide supporting evidence. They would also need to retain an attorney to evaluate the case and determine whether it is viable to proceed to court.
You are POA and have the legal right to pay your fathers expenses. Being POA is not fun. There will always be skeptics and misinformed people trying to butt in. I wish you the best.
Why are your adult siblings sucking money out of your Dad?
Go to Dad's bank with your PoA paperwork and submit it. Sometimes the banks will automatically add you as joint, other just as PoA. Once you have authority you move the vast majority of any cash into a savings account and leave the bare minimum in the checking to pay bills, insurance, taxes, etc. And then you do not give Dad any more cash because he can't afford to give it away.
You as PoA allowing your Dad to give away cash when he can't afford to IS the mismanagement here. Call his bank and ask how to submit your PoA paperwork (sometimes they require you to bring the account holder into the bank with you). Stop worrying about your sibling and what they think. Call the elder law attorney to find out how to properly manage things as a financial PoA. Read the document to make sure your authority is active. This is your responsibility as PoA.