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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You didn't give a lot of detail...but here are my thoughts. What was your dad's living situation before moving in with you (alone or with others)? Did he recently lose his spouse/partner? Why doesn't he want to take his antidepressant? Maybe have a heart to heart talk with him about the declines you are noticing...suggest discussing it with his doctor. If you work outside the home, maybe companionship or activities would help. Maybe check what's available at your local senior center.
For a different prospective, not all elders become mean and uncooperative. My mom lived with me for her last 2.5 years and she was the epitome of a "sweet, little old lady" till the end. I don't regret having her move in with me (and rescuing her from a less than ideal situation).
There's a lot of advice on here to do things to keep him busy, happy, etc. Nothing wrong with helping him out, but I doubt you will survive turning your home into a summer camp, physical fitness center, hobby center, TV center, and with all that, when are you supposed to be YOU? When keeping dad happy is your job? Who keeps you happy? You're already panicking, and that's not good.
It's not really your job to keep anyone else happy, especially when their mental and physical health is on a downward slide and always will be in decline. That's right - always. No coming back from this for dad, and I'm so very sorry.
You've taken on a humongous job. He's only 76 and could live 20 more years! I believe you will soon get to the point when you realize that it's better for dad to live in a facility where teams of caregivers and aides are devoted to the tasks that others on here are suggesting you do. Your mental health is just as important as his! Keep that in mind and start looking for alternative places for him to live.
I am so sorry his health is declining and that you are worried. I believe that getting him to exercise outside, or in a chair, or even the bed helps. A good health diet, plenty of fluids. Some kind of engaging activity that is fun for both of you. Walks, movies, playing catch with a ball, cards, painting, chess, music, or even just talking. It helps keep life fun for both of you to enjoy. It is great to enjoy your father while you still can. I sure wish I still had my Dad to do fun things with, the loss is very tough.
Hopefully you can convince him he needs to take his meds. How self sufficient is he? Can he still care for his own daily needs? Is he in a wheelchair? What are the plans when he no longer can care for his own daily needs? Do you have Power of Attorney or guardianship? Does he own any assets that need to be taken care of? Who is funding his old age? Can he be left alone or are you with him at all times? Is your home handicap accessible?
He moved with me just a couple of months ago, we have a very good relationship. Out of my 2 siblings I am the only one that doesn't disrespect him and only one he wants to live with. Since he is aging we all came to a agreement he can come live with me and try to enjoy his life without worring about paying bills etc. We have went to doctors and doctor prescribed some antidepressants but he doesn’t want to take them. He has liver disease and congested heart failure.
You are now looking at being a full time caregiver to a depressed, uncooperative and progressively sick elder. Your life will not be the same for a while (and who knows how long).
Two things: - stop paying for his needs. YOU need that money for your own future and care and it is unsustainable as his needs increase. - do not continue to host him unless he assigns you as his DPoA. You can read all sorts of posts on this forum from loving, well-meaning adult children who are stuck with sick, demented and uncooperative parent who really needs facility care but without PoA they have no easy way to get them out of their home.
As elders decline, they can lose their judgement, lose their empathy for others, lose their filters, lose their inhabitions. They can (and often do) become incontinent, wander out of the house, fall for financial scams, say increasingly negative, paranoid, angry, etc. They can turn into completely different people than you remember. It's already happening to your Dad and there's nothing you can do about it. I only gets worse.
Please go into this arrangement with your eyes wide open. Please read the posts that under the care topic Burnout - it is a real thing that devastates caregivers.
Get dad to his doctor stat and explain the situation thoroughly. You put your question under the Depression category, so perhaps the doctor can write a prescription for an antidepressant for dad as well. My mother was not eating and refusing to leave the apartment when she was suffering depression after an illness years ago.
Very sorry, but there is so little information I would have no idea how to answer you. 1. Why did your father move in with you, and why did you allow such a thing. 2. What formal agreements with an attorney did you and father either do, or not do, prior to his moving in as regards payments, shared living costs, and privacy agreements. 3. What has been your life experience with your Dad? Was this a good solid relationship of love and mutual support? 4. What medical conditions does your father have and are you his MPOA for health care? 5. What mental conditions does dad have.
With the little you tell us I am afraid the best we can do is wish you good luck, hope that you read here on AC and stay with us, and hope that helps you to form individual questions. The more information you provide us, the more help we can be.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
For a different prospective, not all elders become mean and uncooperative. My mom lived with me for her last 2.5 years and she was the epitome of a "sweet, little old lady" till the end. I don't regret having her move in with me (and rescuing her from a less than ideal situation).
It's not really your job to keep anyone else happy, especially when their mental and physical health is on a downward slide and always will be in decline. That's right - always. No coming back from this for dad, and I'm so very sorry.
You've taken on a humongous job. He's only 76 and could live 20 more years! I believe you will soon get to the point when you realize that it's better for dad to live in a facility where teams of caregivers and aides are devoted to the tasks that others on here are suggesting you do. Your mental health is just as important as his! Keep that in mind and start looking for alternative places for him to live.
Best of luck to you both.
🙏❤️🍀
You are now looking at being a full time caregiver to a depressed, uncooperative and progressively sick elder. Your life will not be the same for a while (and who knows how long).
Two things:
- stop paying for his needs. YOU need that money for your own future and care and it is unsustainable as his needs increase.
- do not continue to host him unless he assigns you as his DPoA. You can read all sorts of posts on this forum from loving, well-meaning adult children who are stuck with sick, demented and uncooperative parent who really needs facility care but without PoA they have no easy way to get them out of their home.
As elders decline, they can lose their judgement, lose their empathy for others, lose their filters, lose their inhabitions. They can (and often do) become incontinent, wander out of the house, fall for financial scams, say increasingly negative, paranoid, angry, etc. They can turn into completely different people than you remember. It's already happening to your Dad and there's nothing you can do about it. I only gets worse.
Please go into this arrangement with your eyes wide open. Please read the posts that under the care topic Burnout - it is a real thing that devastates caregivers.
Best of luck to you.
1. Why did your father move in with you, and why did you allow such a thing.
2. What formal agreements with an attorney did you and father either do, or not do, prior to his moving in as regards payments, shared living costs, and privacy agreements.
3. What has been your life experience with your Dad? Was this a good solid relationship of love and mutual support?
4. What medical conditions does your father have and are you his MPOA for health care?
5. What mental conditions does dad have.
With the little you tell us I am afraid the best we can do is wish you good luck, hope that you read here on AC and stay with us, and hope that helps you to form individual questions. The more information you provide us, the more help we can be.
Why did he move in with you?
What are the symptoms of decline that you are seeing?
How long has it been since he's moved in?
Are you his PoA? If not, does he have one?
Have you attempted to make an appointment for him with his primary care physician?