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My husband's mom lives with us. We try everything to get her to take a shower. Usually works a couple times then she just refuses and the smell is terrible. I suggest that he not give her any smokes until she showers; but he will give them to her. I know she is his mother, but I just can't handle the smell and what it does to the furinture, let alone what it makes the house smell like. If he begs her to take a shower and she is okay with it, he doesn't follow through and she doesn't take one. She will tell him she did, when we know she didn't. If he gets her in the shower he doesn't make sure that she is actually cleaning herself. That's when I or my son go in to make sure she is using soap and shampoo; the whole time she yells at us and tries to stop us from putting shampoo in her hair. I try telling him she is going to get an infectation or worst, but he just will refuse to let her ride anywhere with him,.

Any suggestions, like move out so I can breath fresh air...LOL

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I know just how you feel. I also am taking care of my mother-in-law. And my husband, her son,does not want to make her take a bath or even when she is doing something she shouldn't be doing he sits on the computer and ignores it and waits for me or my daughter to take care of her. I have thought of moving out too but, then I know she wouldn't be taken care or would just be put in a home.
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Yes, asking your husband to go along with you and tell his mom that you are going to wash her might work. If your husband puts in the bidet, make sure your mom- in- law sees him doing it. Have him explain to her what it is for and why it needs to be used. (Old people lose their sense of smell and think people make up untruths about them smelling bad.) My mother is very willing to get"cleaned up" to go to the beauty parlor or to go out to eat. I plan the activities so that she gets washed twice a week and slathered with Burt's Bees cream. The bidet gets used at least once a day. I dress her is sparkly glittery shirts so people will comment when we are out. She thinks she is beautiful and is more willing to get"cleaned up" the next time. Most men do not like to do the bathing thing but are willing to do other things to be helpful if you work it the right way. You can use colorful half sheets folded over chairs if you use the pads underneath. It makes the chair inviting for your MIL and hides the protective pad. I also use glittery jewelry (thrift store finds on my free afternoons .) to show to my mother before getting her cleaned up. She likes to be clean and "beautiful" for her trips. Good luck. Let us know how things work out for you.
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I agree "team effort"! You both need a game plan and stick to it.
If your MIL sees both you and your hubby on the same page (sort of the same way you would parent a child)with things then maybe she will be more willing to contribute and respect your wishes. Maybe the shower thing is better if it is just the "girls" in the house, you and your MIL( you might be uncomfortable with that but it might help) Try to set a ritual of certain bathing times. I have found that living life taking care of my mom on a set schedule to helpful to both sides. If your MIL sees both you and your husband at a tug of war on issues. She will definiatly play on that. You and your husband should sit her down and explain what you want from her. Just try to remain calm, let her know your rules in your house!!!!!
Good luck!!
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Pink, ask your husband if he'll back up whatever you tell her. For example you want the bed moved, you tell her that her son is the one that suggested it so when she lets you move the bed and she mentions it to him what a great idea he had, he will say 'I thought you'd like that', and all will be well. But that is only going to work if he backs you up.
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Thanks for the great advise. i will certainly see about getting a bidget, might help. At least she would be cleaner down there. See might not like it, since she doesn't like water touching her. Of course it will have to be my husband suggestion. Whenever I I make a suggest, like moving her bed room around so she has a chair by the window to look out, if hubby is near its a good idea, but when I try and do it she yells at she doesn't want it that way. That is why he needs to be involved getting her to shower...the lady just doesn't like me. I think because I'm married to her "in her world" husband. The water proof pad, I put plastic on her chair with a blanket over it, is an idea I didn't think of...thanks.

So if I get a bidget and she complains, how would you handle it. Just tell her it stays or sit long enough and you'll enjob it more?
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Here are some suggestions that will make your household happier. I have learned that the bidet that fits onto the toilet is great for washing the bottom of old people. Old people are afraid they will fall. Why not use the washcloth gently on your mother-in-law while the bidet is washing her bottom. Make an appointment for her and you with the hairdresser each week or get one of those special water catchers and have her sit by the sink while you gently wash and rinse her hair. It is so easy and there will be very little fuss. I have been caring for my mother for 8 years and try to find the easiest, calmest way of reducing my stress level. It works! Have your husband be in charge of pills , entertainment, and staying with her while you go out for the afternoon of fun. You deserve a calm, easy way to care for your mother-in-law . I hope you can use some of the suggestions above to have less stress in your life.
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Same problem with my husband. No way can I get him in the shower! My solution was to buy FRESHEN'N UP disposible wash cloths. (You can find them at WalMart where the Depends are.) They are lightly scented and pre-moistened. Cleaning with them doesn't require rinsing. People who are in hospital for long periods are kept clean this way or with cleaning lotions. I do have to oversee the process, as my husband doesn't remember whether he did it or not, or forgets to clean the smelly parts. Finishing off the "bath" with baby powder gets him smelling nearly baby fresh. He uses Depends and leaks a lot, but this method keeps him nice to be around. I put a waterproof bed pad on his favorite chair which I wash often. I also burn a scented candle (in a jar in a safe place) which makes the living room where he spends a lot of time smell sweet and create a nice atmosphere. Hope this helps.
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I know exactly where you are coming from. I deal with the exact same thing. And yes the smell is awful. That is why I found this site to see if I could get some suggestions also.
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