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The woman he's with they have been close for over 6yrs. As his wife I believe their is sexual activity between them. I do not have sex w/him! Most people believe that because he has dementia he has no interest in sex. He told me some women will have sex with him but will not admit he has had sex with anyone although being there over 7yrs. What do you think?

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Don’t discuss this with your husband, he’s lost the ability to be a reliable source of information. You have no way of knowing if what he’s reporting is true. The big concern is what the family or families of whoever he might be having contact with would think and their potential upset. Discuss this with the director, indirectly mentioning possible liability of the facility if there’s unwanted or unconsented sexual activity. Sometimes medication is prescribed to calm inappropriate sexual behaviors, no idea it that’s needed here but maybe something to consider
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Perhaps what happens (and how you react) depends on what you mean by ‘having sex’. Cuddling and stroking are different (and easier) than full sexual intercourse, but can be quite sexual.

One way to check this out might be to get in bed with him (dress for it when you go), and find out for yourself what he wants to do – and what he can do. Perhaps warn the staff not to interrupt.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Just because he has dementia does not mean he does not have sex.
Sometimes the drive for sex can become stronger.
So the big question is ....
Does it or would it bother you if he does have sex with someone else?
The other big question is....
Since they both have dementia are they truly having "consensual sex"
The other question is....
Can he actually have sex?

There is something that everyone needs. Human touch. It is possible that they are just lying together and holding hands, holding each other and just getting much needed contact.

I would hate to have the other family decide that this is not appropriate and either file charges or request that your husband be moved either to another area or another facility.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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It really doesn't matter what we think as he's not our husband.
Does it bother you that your husband with a broken brain and who probably doesn't remember that he's married might be having sexual relations with his "best friend?" Obviously it does or you wouldn't have asked the question right?
It's so very common that both men and women with dementia who are placed in a facility find someone of the opposite sex who they are attracted to and befriend, and yes even perhaps have sex with.
They don't completely understand what they're doing and I'm guessing that if your husband was still in his right mind that he would never even think of "cheating" on you.
A friend's now late husband was in Memory Care, and had a "girlfriend" and would be sitting with her holding hands when his his wife would come to visit and she shared how he would be holding his girlfriends one hand and she would just sit down and hold his other hand, as she knew that he would never have done that if his brain wasn't broken.
After 7 years of your husband being in a facility, it's time to just have peace with the fact that your husband is not the man he once was, and never will be again. And if it's too hard for you to witness, perhaps it's time to cut back on your visits.
Dementia sucks...that's a fact, and there's no way of getting around that.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Wrong question: You need to ask yourself why you are asking, and what if anything needs to be done about it. If you think he is sexually active he probably is. You know him better than we ever will. Meet with the social worker there. Discuss what you want from your relationship with him and if it is possible to meet your needs. If he is beyond that, you get to decide if this makes any difference to him or you. If it does, get professional advice about what to do about it. Most important is that if he is promiscuous, there is a risk of STDs. Finally, discuss this with family members who need to know, and only with people who need to know. Your comfort and support is most important now.
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Reply to DrBenshir
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