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I appreciate your reply. I speak with a social worker. She suggests I 'be gentle with myself', that I 'haven't had time to grieve Mom yet', etc. I do have grandchildren and children I see, and a husband I love, but I promised Mom she would be able to die at home and I promised her that I would watch over Dad until the end. I do so lovingly and without anger and my family supports my decisions. I know that this is all temporary, too. I guess knowing I am not the only one going through this helps.
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My condolences for your loss. I understand about being joyless and not having any motivation. You are in grief at the loss of your mother and may also have depression.
Make an appointment with your doctor. They can give you a mental health referral. It can help to talk with a therapist and work through your grief and depression with one. Everyone needs someone to talk to and sometimes a therapist is the only person there is who can understand. You might even benefit from some medication even if it's temporary.
The people on this forum are for the most part very understanding, supportive, and want to help because all of us know what it's like to have been a caregiver.
I'm happy you're reaching out here. That's a step in the right direction. Be easy on yourself and take your time. Take some time for yourself.
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I have often seen long term caregivers become so enmeshed with their parents lives that they give up their own.
I would seek help. For counseling in these situations often a Certified Licensed Social Worker in private practice for counseling is the best choice as they are specially trained in life transitions.
I wish you the best. We often follow the same path like a mill stone pony, pulling our burden in the same endless circles. It is hard to take a new path forward for ourselves because as unsatisfactory as the one we are currently on may be, the new path represents the unknown, hence a lot of anxiety and fear.
You aren't alone and this isn't your fault. It is a natural progression of the path you have been on. I sure do wish you the best going forward, but do consider a professional. We can sympathize, but we aren't trained to help you at all.
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