She does wear liners in her underpants for urine, but refused pull-ups.
She is now quite inactive, refuses to drink very much in the daytime (so she won't have to get up at night to use the bathroom), and her diet is primarily bland and sweet.
Rice Krispies, cookies and candy, yogurt or 1/4 cup of fruit, and about 3/4 cup of cooked foods. No fiber.
So, significant constipation that she has no awareness of - but caregivers and family have to clean up feces on bathroom surfaces, her hands, her clothes, and try to clear the large amount of solid matter that is clogging the toilet.
I don't want to hurt her feelings (as I can't be sure of my own motives - am I paying her back for her verbal abuse?).
I dont want to blindside her by talking to MD without my mom being aware of the subject. Suggestions?
Before MD visit, I spoke to her about the issue of constipation - she insists not a problem, though it has been for much of her life. She reminded me she is a nurse and would know if she had a problem!!
Then raised the reality about people putting on gloves to manually remove waste and paper from the toilet - she was very embarrassed, of course. Even when her CG who was present confirmed this issue, she refused to believe it. I asked if it is ok for people who care about her to have to do this task - she agreed that it is ok. I know she doesn't really understand. Then she started to cry, and went over to her CG for a hug and reassurance.
The plan for now is prune juice in the morning. Will see if the CG can get her to drink it - found out that she eats and drinks MUCH more for CG than she does for either of her daughters.
I know it is up to my sister and I to ensure her health and safety as much as we can, within limits of her wishes.
After waiting 90 minutes to see her MD (very unusual, apparently) I omitted this issue from the visit - other topics more important. Lacking UTIs or a trip to ER for disimpaction, I don't think I have enough data to make this a priority.
Thanks to all for their suggestions. Will keep in mind as we go along.