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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I’m glad you went back: otherwise you could indeed be charged with abandonment and neglect.
I’m also glad to hear you’ll try not to dump this problem on your adult kids.
Call APS. If you want, he can become a ward of the State. If you want, get a divorce; separation of property.
In another post you wrote: “He always had a bad temper. I was almost always afraid of him. Now he has Alzheimer’s. He has not abused me now for a couple years. Not sure if it is because his energy level has decreased or that he realizes I’m all he has and needs me to take care of him.”
I hope he’s not being abusive.
It’s always been verbal, not physical? With verbal, the police won’t do anything.
Do I remember correctly that he’s much older than you? That it was bound to happen that he’ll get elderly problems long before you?
No one is going to charge a woman with elder neglect because she had suicidal thoughts and she left for 4 hours. If they do, I’ll pay her bail. Goodness.
Also, telling an abusive partner that you are leaving is dangerous. When they fear you are leaving them, you place yourself in a vulnerable position because this is usually when they become the most violent.
Pamela, Assuming you are where your profile says, “the Behavioral Health Help Line (BHHL) is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Anyone may contact the Help Line. Call toll-free or text 833-773-2445 for immediate help.” https://www.mass.gov/emergencycrisis-services
As long as you are the solution for him, no one will provide another. Although I think most of us here want to take care of family, no matter how imperfect, you need to solve your own care problems first.
Today, you didn’t take your life, but you thought about it. What about tomorrow?
I hope neither you nor the kids will be alone with him again. I hope you will immediately call an Alzheimer’s or crisis counselor if you haven’t; you won’t bother them if you call at 3am.
You don’t need to be responsible for planning the next steps, just get him handed over.
Let the professionals to be his solution, so you can get the care you deserve.
It'slong post time for him to have professional care. So sorry this is happening to you. Keep posting -- the people on this site provide wonderful support.
Pamela, So sorry for what is happening to you. Hope you can place him quickly and for once kids should help. This is such an important subject yet every professional we meet is dedicated to whomever we care for. How about us? Who is going to take care of caregiver? All we hear is what we should do. Something is missing here. As much as everyone takes DV seriously there are so many ( too many)stories on this forum of suffering while caregiving.
“About to tell my grown kids they have to go take care of him”
I agree with others: don’t do this OP. It happened to a friend of mine. The mom just left, took a plane. Husband, dementia, left alone at home. The mom had NO REGARD for my friend. My friend (male) had to drive quickly to his dad, to save him. It was very bad what the mom did to my friend.
You need to make people understand that your afraid of this man. Don't say "Its only verbal". You know he is capable of physical violence. Dementia is unpredictable. You also tell them that you have considered suicide because its gotten so bad. Do not minimize what has been going on. You need him out of the home. I would say at this point in Long-term care with Medicaid footing the bill. You need to see an Elder Lawyer to make sure the assets get split. You may want to consider a divorce and allow the State to become his guardian. Weigh the options to see which one is best financially for you.
Absolutely, DO.NOT.MINIMIZE. You DO NOT know what is going on in his head. Obviously, I would get rid of any guns, knives, box cutters, scissors, irons etc… anything that can be used as a weapon (aside from the fact he can kill you with his body).
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I’m also glad to hear you’ll try not to dump this problem on your adult kids.
Call APS. If you want, he can become a ward of the State. If you want, get a divorce; separation of property.
In another post you wrote:
“He always had a bad temper. I was almost
always afraid of him. Now he has Alzheimer’s. He has not abused me now for a couple years. Not sure if it is because his energy level has decreased or that he realizes I’m all he has and needs me to take care of him.”
I hope he’s not being abusive.
It’s always been verbal, not physical? With verbal, the police won’t do anything.
Do I remember correctly that he’s much older than you? That it was bound to happen that he’ll get elderly problems long before you?
I hope you find a way out. Call APS please.
He’s dependent on help.
It can be psychologically abusive on your part against him, and it can be physically dangerous for him to be alone since he has dementia.
Assuming you are where your profile says, “the Behavioral Health Help Line (BHHL) is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Anyone may contact the Help Line. Call toll-free or text 833-773-2445 for immediate help.” https://www.mass.gov/emergencycrisis-services
As long as you are the solution for him, no one will provide another. Although I think most of us here want to take care of family, no matter how imperfect, you need to solve your own care problems first.
Today, you didn’t take your life, but you thought about it. What about tomorrow?
I hope neither you nor the kids will be alone with him again. I hope you will immediately call an Alzheimer’s or crisis counselor if you haven’t; you won’t bother them if you call at 3am.
You don’t need to be responsible for planning the next steps, just get him handed over.
Let the professionals to be his solution, so you can get the care you deserve.
Let us know how things are going with you.
We can help you with next steps if you want.
It is time for your husband to be placed; it has to be done playfully and we can help you logic out the "how".
We care.
Please take care of yourself. Once he is removed from the house you can go back. Your life us very inportant too.
Can you stay with friends or family a short time? You may have to stay at a business hotel.
So sorry for what is happening to you.
Hope you can place him quickly and for once kids should help.
This is such an important subject yet every professional we meet is dedicated to whomever we care for.
How about us? Who is going to take care of caregiver?
All we hear is what we should do.
Something is missing here.
As much as everyone takes DV seriously there are so many
( too many)stories on this forum of suffering while caregiving.
I disagree. Parents shouldn’t dump their problems on their adult kids.
When I have troubles, I don’t start dumping it on others, wanting them to solve my troubles for free because I don’t want to.
I agree with others: don’t do this OP. It happened to a friend of mine. The mom just left, took a plane. Husband, dementia, left alone at home. The mom had NO REGARD for my friend. My friend (male) had to drive quickly to his dad, to save him. It was very bad what the mom did to my friend.
You don’t know what he is capable of.