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I can't cope with guilt over my grandads death. Are there those who visited dementia patient every other day while they were living alone? We were caregiving when my grandmother started having dementia and she was living alone always and with dementia for almost 15 years as well and she died only when she got to hospital at the age of 94. We visited her sometimes every other day sometimes every day. She was always eating, physically she was fine. When she got to hospital, she couldnt walk as we placed her into hospice. But she died there.Are there those who visited every other day grandparents who were/ are living alone?

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Where did the "guilt over granddads death" come from???
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Dementia patients should not live alone at all, ever. They need someone with them 24/7. However, you need to put the guilt feelings behind you. Look for a good therapist to work through the grief.

I sat with my dad while mom was at work. When he was transferred to a care home I visited weekdays. Mom visited weekends and afternoons/nights. I've learned my lesson. Mom is in a good facility so I visit twice a week.
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Reply to JustAnon
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It sounds like you're suggesting the act of going to the hospital ended your grandmother's life and that she was somehow better off living alone with family visits a few times a week?

Dementia patients can be physically fine but mentally, they're very ill. Living alone is very dangerous for all dementia sufferers. My mother did not live alone for any of the years she was suffering from dementia, no.

Your grandmother likely died of age and dementia at 94, not hospice or the hospital doing anything to her.

My condolences on your loss.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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On those days that you didn't visit, you have no idea what she was doing. Elders can be very secretive about their loss of ability to live alone. Family often does not want to see how serious the situation is. She shouldn't have been living alone.

At 94, she probably had a good life and I hope she didn't suffer. But if you have other grandparents, be aware of what they might be going through even though they say they are fine. No one with dementia should live alone. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Reply to Fawnby
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When someone has dementia they should not be living alone anymore. They also cannot drive.

I was a homecare worker for a very long time before going into the business of it. I worked for many clients with some kind of dementia or other who were still living alone and whose families described them as 'Only needing a little help'. If they were driving I often heard, 'He/she doesn't go very far'. These are the excuses families will convince themselves of. They very rarely accept the truth in a situation when it comes to an elderly LO with dementia and it's usually one of these reasons why they don't. One, they do not want to disrupt their own lives by moving the person in with them or moving into the elder's home. Two, there isn't enough money for 24-hour homecare and the family doesn't want to lose the elder's assets if they have to get them placed.

The truth is your grandmother should not have been living alone and your family is very lucky a tragedy didn't happen. Your family visiting every other day is not the reason. It was pure dumb luck. Even if your grandmother could 'showtime' very well, if her family saw her and interacted with her as much as you say, they would have seen through it.

When a person's mind is going, they cannot be left on their own anymore. For the same reason why a child can't be left living on their own even if they have help.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Who is "we"?

You and your parents? You and siblings, or other family members? The answer makes a difference. If the other visitors were your Grandmother's PoA this would be important to know.

What is the reason to know about "visiting" a solo elder w/dementia every other day? Are you feeling guilty or second-guessing this arrangement?

Who was managing your Grandmother's affairs during those 15 years? If it wasn't you I'm not sure how it could possibly have been her. Were your parents doing it?
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Reply to Geaton777
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HoneyWhisky1609 7 hours ago
Yes of course my dad was managing all affaires
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I’m sure this has happened in other families. You were lucky your grandmother never exhibited some common dementia behaviors that would have put her in danger while she was alone in her home. Many with dementia have sadly done things while confused such as turn on the stove and forget it, causing a fire, wander outside, sometimes far away, flood the house when forgetting to turn off water, be financially abused by someone taking advantage of them, etc. The possibilities are endless. I’m glad this didn’t happen with your grandmother, but also hope you won’t advise others in this position to leave a dementia patient on their own. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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