I and my grandmother live in California and she has late stage dementia for last 5 years. Besides that she’s very healthy physically, but I can’t handle it. The physical and emotional toll it has taken on me I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t afford memory care and we have no other family or anybody willing to help. I’m at my ends and I need a solution quick. The only issue is that My grandmother is not Eligible for Medical because of immigration status and only has emergency medical. She has turned violent sometimes, throws stuff at the walls or at me, breaks things, yells and cries and then forgets it. I feel trapped in my own home because I’m scared she will hurt herself. I find human waste from her in places where I rest. Clogs the bathrooms, hides my things, locks herself in so now I have to have a screwdriver in every room. I can’t go outside or she will scream on top of her lungs because she doesn’t want to be alone. I can’t handle it no more. What do I do?
Op needs to reach out urgently to her parents as well as the tios and tias and cousins. Everyone deserves to know what the stakes are with abulita.
1) Drop her off at one of her grown childrens' homes and walk away.
2) Bring her to a hospital ER, ask for a 'Social Admit' and tell them her whole story and that you cannot and will not take care of her. Make sure the hospital has all the contact information of her grown children and any other family members she has living her or in her own country. Then let the chips fall where they may. You have to provide for and look after yourself before you can help anyone else, so you have to come first in your life.
Standard er dumping rules don’t apply. Grandma is out of status to receive either state or federal help beyond emergent medical care. Once she is not emergent, hospitals don’t have to keep her. As no rehabs or ltcs can be paid, without family, the discharge option becomes any transitional housing option wiling to take her. The family member will of course be notified whenever she’s kicked out.
OP Is a safety net in ways citizen children will never have to be. If there is no way to keep gramma then perhaps the focus should be getting her home to her own government with its own nursing homes.OP did mention gran was healthy outside the dementia so perhaps with sedation the trip could be managed. One thing I don’t see op doing though is allowing gran to go to a homeless shelter.
As op did say gramma was healthy outside of dementia, there may be a longer term in which returning to the home country might be explored. If it’s Mexico, they have elder healthcare just as America does. Yes, you won’t be able to visit often but she will be taken care of by a home. Not one individual with no formal help.
Perhaps you can afford medications that will subdue her. Talk to her doctor if she has one. At this point there's really nothing much you can do. She planned for this stage of her life very badly. But if you can keep her sedated to make your life easier, I would give that a try.
You can make some calls to Hospice providers. They might have some cost options for those who can not afford services and are ineligible for Government Medicare or Medicaid (MediCal in California). Even if you have to find a way to pay for services, Hospice would provide strong medication which might keep your grandmother knocked out.
I'm so sorry your grandmother has made this your problem.
It doesn’t sound like komboucha can work and now things are getting violent with the alternative to keeping her being homelessness as opposed to…a home. The latter here will not be possible and frankly i would be surprised if granny’s homelessness was yet a serious option. It seems like the best of all bad choices might be for grandma to remain where she is, but sedated.
You may need to talk to an Elder lawyer or Immigration lawyer. Seems to me its not safe for you to have this woman in your home. Maybe she needs meds to calm her.
Perhaps the goal here is to get grandma a liquid prescription of Seroquel and Ativan that can be put into her food. Er workers would rather tack on a couple of refills so as to see her later rather than sooner.
Maybe the hospital will do a social admit (5150) and keep her hospitalized to try to medicate her so that she isn't so agitated and aggressive. But if she doesn't have Medicare or Medicaid... not sure the meds will be covered.
I'm so very sorry you've been put into this situation. If you find a solution please come back and tell us since you're not the only person to post about this dilemma.
I would call Area on Aging (211; 311) and immigration groups to verify what happens if a federally ineligible noncitizen is left in the er. Would they just stabilize her and call a cab to a homeless shelter?