He got a lot worse but I didnt notice, he hadnt been eating properly since september. In january he started eating less and less. He was walking, he could take food from fridge and table and he did. I fed him as well. But close to march he took only a small bite and stopped taking food independantly. Then I tried forcing him to eat a week before death but it was impossible already to make him eat. I feel guilty that I learned later you have to.suggest often. But i didnt suggest often the very moment he started refusing. I thought he just stopped eating i knew he would do that before dying so I saw it as natural process but I didnt understand all details so I think he was starving maybe. I know I had to learn more but the problem is I started caregiving for him only recently as he was with another family. He died in april at home so I managed to learn a lot but not enough about his condition and what had to be done. I wanted him to die at home however I second guessed it later. But it was too late as we spent only 3 months. I regret a lot.
When a person stops eating at end of life, their body begins to burn their excess body fat as fuel instead of food. This is called ketosis and there is no hunger involved. Many people choose VSED as a way to die (Voluntary Stopping Eating/Drinking) precisely because it's a painless way to go. So please don't torture yourself with guilt that you did something wrong.
My condolences on the loss of your dear grandfather.
People often think, "Oh well, I'll just take Grammie and Grampy into my home and we'll all live together and I'll take care of them because I love them." Eldercare is a highly specific job, and it takes some training to do it right. Professional caregivers know what to do. Family caregivers have a steep learning curve because in most cases, they don't even know what to ask or who to ask. They have to muddle through on their own (and I know this because that's how I learned to be a family caregiver). Grammie and Grampy deserve better.
I hope you find peace, and my condolences on your loss.
Guilt is for those who did something wrong? Grief, which often gets confused with guilt is completely different, and is just the way we handle the loss of someone we love.
So if you've done nothing wrong then just continue to grieve the man you loved in whatever way you see fit, as no 2 people grieve alike.
Perhaps some grief counseling would be beneficial to you as well.