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I can’t get in to see the elder care attorney until January but placement must be before the end of December to take advantage of incentives. The cost gives me heartburn but I feel confident the timing is as right as it’s ever going to be. Maybe I’m pulling this out of thin air but the way this has fallen together seems almost providential. I doubt that getting DH in and settled will be nearly as smooth.
Neuro-psyche evaluation was this week so diagnosis is pending but my feeling is that he is not ready for Memory Care. That will have to be confirmed by the intake interview, of course.
This all sounds so businesslike and clinical. I am doing everything possible to push down the emotional stuff until afterward. That’s giving me heartburn too.

If you're religious, pray.
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Reply to cover9339
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Peasuep Dec 19, 2024
Thanks cover. I’m not particularly religious but I’m praying anyway.
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Intake people help with MC decision which is a locked in facility. I find that MCs offer appropriate entertainment which keeps people engaged, You think that he might not be ready. Give him at least 3 weeks to settle in with little visits.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Peasuep Dec 19, 2024
Thanks MAC. The intake nurse is coming to our home tomorrow.
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Make his room in MC as familiar as possible by bringing all his things there BEFORE he arrives. He walks into a room that looks as much like home as possible is the goal. A few family photos on the walls are a good idea too.

Consider giving DH anti anxiety meds a day before the move and on move day as well.

Don't announce the move ahead of time.

You can use therapeutic fibs to say you're taking him to lunch at the MC and then afterward, take him to his new suite.

Ask the intake coordinator at the MC his or her recommendations for a smooth move in. They normally suggest you don't visit for a week or two to allow him to adjust. That's up to you.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Peasuep Dec 19, 2024
Thank you for the advice Lea, boy, do I need it. Deceit is abhorrent to me and I’m feeling sick that I will probably have to use it. To have to walk away and leave him that first night and to imagine how scared and alone he will feel…..I’ve got to be better at putting this aside or I’m going to make it worse.
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I wouldn’t say I have expert advice. My only experience happened in a huge rush with mom going from normal everyday life to hospital to nursing in what felt like a blur to us all. I will say you having the feeling it’s coming together like it’s supposed to is a great thing, along with that heartburn feeling, it all shows your decisions are being driven by love and concern. What more could anyone ask? Hubby is blessed to have you looking out for him, whether he can ever again recognize that or not. Wishing you both a smooth transition and much peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Peasuep Dec 19, 2024
Thank you Daughter. Your understanding helps. I’m already nauseous about it and it isn’t even a done deal yet.
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