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As you probably know, it is not uncommon for caregivers to pass away before the person they are caring for. Or sometimes right after. The incredible stress takes a huge toll. See an elder care attorney and figure out a plan to place your husband. You might feel like you are abdicating your responsibilities as a spouse but another way to see it is you are ensuring he continues to receive the best care. When my MIL was in memory care, I met a number of spouses who visited frequently if not every day. I can't imagine anyone thinking these people were not doing right by their loves ones.
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Dear Jayne44,

You sound like you are really reaching the breaking point. We understand. As with the others, I think JoAnn29 has the best answer. I would only add that if you don't have power of attorney (POA), then you need to get that done immediately. You did not mention what kind of dementia your husband has, but if it is Alzheimer's, then I also want to add that if your husband has early Alzheimer's you might want to check out the ReCODE Protocol by Dr. Dale E. Bredesen, MD (do a internet search on his name). The ReCODE Protocol is for the prevention and reversal of Alzheimer's. There is a very high reversal rate for those in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I have been on it for close to eight years. It just might be something that will help your husband, as well as preventing the disease for you in the future. I wish you all the best.
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lealonnie1 May 1, 2026
https://alzheimer.ca/en/whats-happening/news/bredesen-protocol-offers-false-hope-reversing-alzheimers-disease
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Ditto what JoAnn29 said. You might want to look into getting your own retirement plans in order as well. The lawyer can help you with that.
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Then place him. See an elder kawyer about splitting your assets. Husbands split will go towards his care. When its almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. Once Medicaid starts, you are the Community Spouse. You remain in your home, get part or all of your monthly income to live on, and a car.

Its time for you to have some peace.
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funkygrandma59 Apr 21, 2026
I second what JoAnn has said.
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