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I have been living with the since Sept. I am married and this is causing a lot of strain on our marriage. We live in the same town and my siblings all live 700 miles away. I have no support team. If I take him to my home a different environment will cause additional stress yet my husband will not move to myparents home which is one level with large baths and doorways. My husband’s daughter (28yrs.) also lives with us in our 3 bed 2 bath home. My father will have to share her small bathroom and his bedroom at my house is nursery size. Any advice would be welcomed.

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Your husband shouldn't have to move into your dads home as he didn't marry your dad, he married you. Nor should your dad ever move into your home.
If your dad can no longer care for himself, then truly it's time for him to be placed into an assisted living facility or skilled nursing if needed where he will be looked after 24/7, and where you can get back to being the wife your husband deserves.
And if money is an issue you can apply for Medicaid for your dad.
This sounds more like a marriage problem than anything else, so if you're not happy in your marriage perhaps you need some marriage counseling or perhaps even a divorce.
Spouses must ALWAYS come before the care of any parent. Period, end of sentence.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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lealonnie1 Mar 15, 2026
Perhaps the 28 year old daughter should move out since Ops husband thinks it's fine she live with them, but not fine Op have dad move in.
(6)
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Its probably time for your dad to be placed in Skilled Nursing care with hospice on board and for you to visit him there instead of living with him. However, why is it ok for a 28 year old step daughter to be living with You? Isn't it time she's on her own now? I'm sure she has a decent reason for needing to live with parents, but you have a decent reason for dad living with you too. Marriage is all about compromise and not one person making all the rules.

Best of luck to you and my condolences on the loss of your dear mom.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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You need to move back to your home and resume your marriage. Your father can pay for in-home caregivers, or if he cannot afford this he can sell his home to pay to live in a facility. Then you can resume life as a daughter who visits rather than an overstressed 24/7 caregiver.

You must be both exhausted and grieving, so having trained professionals take over the physical care, plus being back with your husband in your own home, are probably essential for both your physical and mental health.
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Reply to MG8522
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It's time to place your dad in a care home and sell his home to fund his final months/years. He is blind and has cancer. He needs a safe place to live where professionals can care for him. You and your husband can then go on a trip and reconnect.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Your husband and marriage are the priority. There are other solutions for your Dad, but you must accept them as such. Maybe it's time to assess your Dad for palliative or hospice care plus use his funds for hired aids. If you get pressure from your siblings then invite them to move there to take over the care. No, your Dad won't like it but that's too bad. Your and your husband's privacy is already compromised by having your adult daughter living there. He's already endured you being gone during your Mom's PC. He's been patient enough. Time to get your marriage back on track as job #1.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Do not take your dad to your home.

You do not need to leave your home and your husband to live with your father. You've already been there long enough!

Do not count on siblings to offer support.

Your best move in this situation would be to find a long term care home for your father. He needs more help than you can give. Tour a few; meet with the admissions director. Sell Dad's house to pay for his care, unless he has sufficient savings to cover the cost. If he outlives his savings and assets, then he can apply for medicaid assistance.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Do not take your dad into your home or move into his. Your dad can be placed into a facility and sell his home to pay for his care.
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Reply to Patathome01
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My condolences on the loss of your mom.

Your dad needs to be in long-term care now. His illnesses require more care than you can provide in either home. He needs trained professionals, and he deserves that.

Raise the subject of long-term care with his medical team. Ask for suggestions for a good place for dad. Contact your local services for the blind. Pose the same question. Call hospice care companies; maybe you know of some or your friends can recommend them. They might be able to put together a plan for dad. Above all do not attempt to handle all these placement issues by yourself or even with help from your husband. They are complicated, and you need to address them with dad's best interests at heart, not, for instance, your stepdaughter's.

Once you get most of these things ironed out, you'll feel better and can move forward to being dad's caring daughter rather than the frazzled and exhausted wreck you'll be if you insist on caring for him at either home.

Please put your husband first. A marriage is like no other relationship; it requires faith, trust, love and bonding, which is especially important in a case like this. Proper placement of dad will free you to get your marriage back on track, and I wish you luck as you move forward.
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Reply to Fawnby
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So sorry for your loss of your mom. Get a plan in place for the care of your dad.
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Reply to CaregiverL
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