I have been living with the since Sept. I am married and this is causing a lot of strain on our marriage. We live in the same town and my siblings all live 700 miles away. I have no support team. If I take him to my home a different environment will cause additional stress yet my husband will not move to myparents home which is one level with large baths and doorways. My husband’s daughter (28yrs.) also lives with us in our 3 bed 2 bath home. My father will have to share her small bathroom and his bedroom at my house is nursery size. Any advice would be welcomed.
If your dad can no longer care for himself, then truly it's time for him to be placed into an assisted living facility or skilled nursing if needed where he will be looked after 24/7, and where you can get back to being the wife your husband deserves.
And if money is an issue you can apply for Medicaid for your dad.
This sounds more like a marriage problem than anything else, so if you're not happy in your marriage perhaps you need some marriage counseling or perhaps even a divorce.
Spouses must ALWAYS come before the care of any parent. Period, end of sentence.
Best of luck to you and my condolences on the loss of your dear mom.
You must be both exhausted and grieving, so having trained professionals take over the physical care, plus being back with your husband in your own home, are probably essential for both your physical and mental health.
You do not need to leave your home and your husband to live with your father. You've already been there long enough!
Do not count on siblings to offer support.
Your best move in this situation would be to find a long term care home for your father. He needs more help than you can give. Tour a few; meet with the admissions director. Sell Dad's house to pay for his care, unless he has sufficient savings to cover the cost. If he outlives his savings and assets, then he can apply for medicaid assistance.
Your dad needs to be in long-term care now. His illnesses require more care than you can provide in either home. He needs trained professionals, and he deserves that.
Raise the subject of long-term care with his medical team. Ask for suggestions for a good place for dad. Contact your local services for the blind. Pose the same question. Call hospice care companies; maybe you know of some or your friends can recommend them. They might be able to put together a plan for dad. Above all do not attempt to handle all these placement issues by yourself or even with help from your husband. They are complicated, and you need to address them with dad's best interests at heart, not, for instance, your stepdaughter's.
Once you get most of these things ironed out, you'll feel better and can move forward to being dad's caring daughter rather than the frazzled and exhausted wreck you'll be if you insist on caring for him at either home.
Please put your husband first. A marriage is like no other relationship; it requires faith, trust, love and bonding, which is especially important in a case like this. Proper placement of dad will free you to get your marriage back on track, and I wish you luck as you move forward.