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My mother with mild dementia would not stop driving, even after her license was taken away. A few weeks after she lost her license she drove right into the back of a parked pickup truck. Her car was totalled, and she went to the hospital with broken ribs, and from there to a nursing home for the rest of her life. Every time I think of this I get chills thinking how close she came to injuring or killing someone.

And, since she was driving without a license her insurance company refused to pay for the damaged truck or her totalled car. She could have lost everything if the people had sued her.

In retrospect, I should have disabled and removed the car and not believed what she was telling me about not driving.
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Reply to LakeErie
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I wanted to share this article from today's NYT about four needless deaths because an elder needed to drive.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/19/us/san-francisco-pedestrian-deaths-toddler.html?unlocked_article_code=1.UVA.qd4n.3hvzO__mBREK&smid=url-share
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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First of all, although the so-called experts tell you to never tell a person who has dementia that they have dementia, I beg to differ. It’s a good way to find out if the person has any self awareness left or has anosogosia, which means their illness likely will advance more quickly. It’s also a good way to remove whatever denial is left so, if possible, the person with dementia can make some realistic decisions if they’re still capable. If not, at least you know. Next, get mom to a neurologist to confirm her dementia diagnosis and send a letter to the
MVA to take away her license. Also tell her she’s welcome to buy her own car but she can’t use yours. If it will help, lie and tell her you bought cheaper insurance that doesn’t allow any other driver but you. Then, at the very least, she will start harassing your brother instead of you 😆
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Reply to Lucasmom2025
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((((HUGS)))) Parenting our parents is hugely stressful and upsetting. At this point, tell her that you'll take her to the DMV, and if she can pass the written, driving and eye tests then she can drive. While she's out taking the driving test, explain to the employees at the DMV that she has dementia and should not be allowed to drive.

Other than that, the next time she starts in on you, say, "Mom, I can tell you're really upset right now. We'll talk (or visit) again another time," and then hang up, or leave. You can also tell her that you're not going to keep talking/stay if she speaks to you like that. Stop giving her explanations. They're just excuses for her to argue against.
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Reply to Stardust
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waytomisery Mar 21, 2026
All sorts of wrong with this idea . This puts the driving test evaluator in danger being in the car while a woman with dementia is driving , as well as other people in cars and pedestrians. This is not fair to anyone.
And you suggest admitting ( to DMV ) to putting others in danger on purpose to prove a point to the elderly woman.
This is sure to hit the news when the woman causes an accident, followed by a lawsuit.
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Neurologist are the medical professionals who diagnose and treat dementia disorders. It is within their very specialized scope of practice. Start there.
You cannot always depend on primary care to label that diagnosis.
Your brother needs to stop and think.
Tell him that if mom injured or kills anyone because he lets her drive, he can be held liable in a court of law.
Maybe that will motivate him to do the right thing..
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Reply to datanp97
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Contact the DMV. They will send the neurologist a form Driver Medical Evaluation. It may be called different things in other states. But it basically requires the doctor to explain the patient’s condition and it gets mailed in. Then when the DMV reviews it they determine whether or not she can drive. You get completely left out of the decision yet you abide by the law.
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Reply to Sm27357
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