Ever since my mother's stupid eye doctor told her she was okay to drive last week, she has been RELENTLESS. She won't drive unless I give her my blessing (thankfully), but it is so bad. In our daily phone call today, she yelled and swore at me the whole time, wanted to know why I insisted on treating her like a baby, why I don't trust her, why I want to ruin her life, why am I so unkind to her, why does she need permission from her daughter to drive when none of her friends do, etc…. (I should mention that my brother let her drive while he was visiting her this weekend, so she doesn't understand why he is so kind while I am not.)
It was so, so difficult and so frustrating and upsetting, and I am afraid I made the huge error of trying to explain and actually using the word "dementia" at one point.
I know what a huge mistake that was. That will be the main thing she remembers. But I was so shaken — I still am literally shaking — and I vomited at one point. I am not cut out for this at all. Please help me.
And, since she was driving without a license her insurance company refused to pay for the damaged truck or her totalled car. She could have lost everything if the people had sued her.
In retrospect, I should have disabled and removed the car and not believed what she was telling me about not driving.
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/19/us/san-francisco-pedestrian-deaths-toddler.html?unlocked_article_code=1.UVA.qd4n.3hvzO__mBREK&smid=url-share
MVA to take away her license. Also tell her she’s welcome to buy her own car but she can’t use yours. If it will help, lie and tell her you bought cheaper insurance that doesn’t allow any other driver but you. Then, at the very least, she will start harassing your brother instead of you 😆
Other than that, the next time she starts in on you, say, "Mom, I can tell you're really upset right now. We'll talk (or visit) again another time," and then hang up, or leave. You can also tell her that you're not going to keep talking/stay if she speaks to you like that. Stop giving her explanations. They're just excuses for her to argue against.
And you suggest admitting ( to DMV ) to putting others in danger on purpose to prove a point to the elderly woman.
This is sure to hit the news when the woman causes an accident, followed by a lawsuit.
You cannot always depend on primary care to label that diagnosis.
Your brother needs to stop and think.
Tell him that if mom injured or kills anyone because he lets her drive, he can be held liable in a court of law.
Maybe that will motivate him to do the right thing..