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They say that I trigger her behaviors because she looks at me like “home” and that I will take her there.

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One of the reasons is that your mom begins to look at staff to help her not to you or other family members.
If you do visit maybe for a time keep the visit short.
If mom needs anything, like help in the bathroom, help changing her clothes get the staff to help. this for a few reasons. Again so mom gets to know them and that they will help. And safety. If mom gets hurt or you get hurt while helping her it places the facility is a bad position.
And for a while do not take mom out.
Do not take mom home.
Do not drive by her home. (Or where she used to live)
If there are family celebrations that are coming up ask for a private room at the MC facility and have your gathering there. Keep it short, just a few people.
Reassure mom that she is "home" when she says she wants to go home. Reassure her that she is safe and cared for.
DO expect mom to decline a bit. She may or may not bounce back
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I stayed with mom in Memory Care even more at first to make sure she was ok. It's normal for staff to suggest you stay away, but you know mom best. So do whatever YOU think would help her most.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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It depends on what your visits trigger. Questions about going home are sad but inevitable. If she gets hysterical when she sees you then yes it’s kinder to her, the staff, and yourself to give her a couple weeks to settle in without visiting.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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JoAnn29 has given you some good advice. I started visiting mom in MC from the first week. I only visit twice a week, an hour each. She did demand to be removed, but finally settled in.
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Reply to JustAnon
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They do recommend time to help the person adjust to new surroundings and staff. I see the point but they also may feel abandoned. I see no problem in visiting for maybe a half hour. My daughter always told Mom she had to go to work. We never said the word home. Just "Well I got to go." type thing. I would not allow a lot of visitors. Also, when u do start going more often, let the staff do their jobs. Don't try and do things that staff should be doing. Mom has to turn to staff when she wants or needs something.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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