I work for an elderly couple, one has dementia. Their son lives in another state and will be bringing his wife and kids to stay and "play" and vacation. They have done this before and took advantage of me asking me to do THEIR laundry and dishes etc. I am here to care for the parents....NOT a maid. I also find I have resentment for them taking advantage of personal care attendants, so they can go off and play all day. Why can't they just stay and do fun things/ take care of their folks at home? They're only here for a week. It baffles me. How can I gently approach the issue with them/ my employer?
If you're independent, then: "I just don't feel right doing that. Your parents expect me to help them and they have to come first. Anything else would take me away from doing what I'm paid to do, and that just isn't right. I'm sure you understand."
Another tactic: Say something like "Wow, you all have a lot of clothes and dishes! I know a great housekeeper and can give you her number if you want. She might be able to come by this week."
The other issue is the extra work for you. If it takes extra time for you, yes you should charge for it. If it’s trivial, try to forget it. The real problem may be in the way they are treating you, as a maid, instead of being grateful for the favor you are doing them. Can you talk to them about that? Could they take over some of the work, in exchange for what you are doing? Perhaps son and wife could cook a few times – eg special dishes the parents used to like. Or a gift for you. Or even sincere thanks! Being resentful may be making everything worse.
PS On a personal note, my DH2 is extraordinarily competent at most tasks around the house, and when we first got together was very happy to help my daughters, one of whom I now have real difficulty with. Their relationship came to an abrupt halt when daughter started treating him like she would treat a tradesman (and not like how I treat a tradesman, I should add). Inter personals make a huge difference to willingness to do extra jobs.
There is no need for adult children to be grateful, they should have a matter of fact relationship. OP should not be expected to clean for the anyone other than the LO, but she should not expect anything for what she does for the elderly LO. She is paid for that. If she cannot accept that, she needs to look for other employment.
As to not doing their laundry or dishes, you can try and hold the line on that, but then you may find them looking for someone else. I would also add, you may need to remember that you are now sharing the house with two more people. So if you do not do so already, you will need to rinse dishes and put in dishwasher, not let them pile up. You have to share washer/dryer.
You are there for their parents not to provide maid and or housekeeping services for them.
"Cwillie's" and "Countrymouse's" suggestions are great ones.
Also, I think you saying/asking "I WILL be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back" is good.
I understand your resentment - most of us who get taken advantage of at one time or another feels it. The unfortunate thing about being taken advantage of is once it happens, it becomes more difficult to undo it. So if you were ever to take a similar position again for someone else, you should make everything clear (even if you have to put it in writing and have it signed) what your duties are and are not and for whom being as specific as possible - I would even have a specific section applying to guests/family members so there can be no confusion. You could actually try to put this into place now. Tell either the couple or the son or both "There seems to be some confusion about what my role and duties are as a PCA so here is a list of what I will be doing going forward". I would even begin with a paragraph regarding what a PCA is so they have a clear understanding what it actually means to be one. The old saying goes "we can't be taken advantage of if we don't ALLOW it in the first place" - this is simply a part of having boundaries/limits.
Lastly, you asked "why can't they just stay and do fun things/take care of their folks at home?" - the answer is simple - they don't want to. That is not a vacation and "play" time to them and why would they when they have you there to do their laundry and dishes etc. So they have a "free" hotel and maid service on their stay/play/vacation - sounds real good!
I hope you can get a resolution set into place and move on with taking care of this elderly couple and hope you will let us know how it goes!
Your support for the parents should all be documented; and not only so that you don't get asked to do things that aren't relevant to the job, but also so that you can't get accused of overstepping boundaries, or (God forbid, as if you would) attempting tasks which are outside your set of skills/competencies. So there are extremely good reasons for being pretty darn specific about what is and is not included.
You get all sorts with family members, do you not..? I've just a nightmare of an evening but that's in spite of the client's husband's best efforts to help. Bless the man, he even tried to fix my car, which had taken it into its little French head not to start and of course had picked a prime location with no cellphone signal of any description.
And then you get others who think you should be washing *their* car, emptying the litter tray and waiting on their guests.
I have the good fortune to work for a public sector service which has an aura of authority about it so that if clients' families don't behave themselves they get rapped over the knuckles and told it isn't acceptable. I'm sure it must be a bit different when you have a single relationship with one employer.
Still. Back to The Care Plan. Do you actually have one, written down and agreed to?
Should i just say "I will be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back". ?
You take Vacation at the time they arrive but, you have to be ready for them to say no that the man and wife aren't able or already have their hands full with their own children.