My situation is complicated so in order to keep this from turning into a book, I'm going to be very blunt and just state facts as they are. My mom is in the later stages of unspecified dementia. I'm her sole caregiver and she lives with me in the home that I own with my husband. She is legally married but her husband has been out of the picture for about 15 years. I don't have contact info for him and he likely wouldn't cooperate. He tried to claim her last year on his own taxes, just to give you an idea of the type of person he is. I know this only because we got a letter from the IRS saying we need to check to make sure we meet the criteria to claim her because someone else had tried to. She will not pass Medicaid 5 year lookback until mid June next year. We use her SS to pay for her care and to compensate ourselves for providing it, since I can't work and have to stay home with her. Can we get in trouble for that? Her SS goes into a joint account with me and it was set up before she had dementia. I have POA. She has recently had a sharp decline and this situation is no longer safe for her or for us. She has caused damage to our home, has fallen several times, is awake for days at a time, and impossible to legally contain. Gates don't work. The only methods that would keep her from wandering all night and hurting herself and/or causing flood/fire etc. are not things we can legally or ethically do, like lock her in a room or restrain her. I could go on and on but the point is, I can't do this anymore. She is leaving tomorrow for a 7-14 stay at a neuro psych hospital for evaluation and regulation of her meds. I'm terrified at the thought of her coming home after that. I don't know what to do. Can we refuse to pick her up? Since she lives here, do we need to legally evict her? Would we be in trouble for abandonment or elder abuse if we refuse to pick her up? If we wanted to try to start the medicaid application, what happens when she doesn't pass the lookback and gets a penalty? We can't wait. This isn't safe and I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown. I feel violent towards her and I'm worried I may lose control one day. If I tell someone that, can I get in trouble? Will it be taken as a threat against her? It isn't, not at all. I'm being honest. I'm not ok mentally/emotionally anymore and I just can't do this. What am I supposed to do to get her placed somewhere without getting into some kind of legal/criminal issue?
i expect u will end up losing that 40k, but to me, it would be WORTH IT to gain back your lives and sanity.
I have a friend dealing w similar. Her father lives w one daughter and is combative, incontinent, falls, etc. She and her only sibling do EVERYTHING for him. Doctor appointments 3-4 days every week. The father owns land and timber. They don’t want medicaid to get it, but they are wearing themselves out to an early grave! He will surely outlive them. One daughter has already had cancer.”
Praise The Lord that your mom has been released from her pain and suffering.
When it happens, often it happens quickly after a fall or bump. Our bodies get so fragile as we age that any issue can cause a cascading failure.
I’m so sorry about your mom.
So very sorry for your loss.
I agree with ITRR's words for you exactly:
"Shannon, I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you strength, peace and comfort during this new season.
Praise The Lord that your mom has been released from her pain and suffering."