Follow
Share

How do I prepare him? How will he handle the situation?  Will he regress?

Grandma has some good suggestions. Ask if you can bring him for a hour or so like your visiting. When you leave him for vacation, take him before a meal. When he sits to eat, kiss him and say you will see him later and walk out. Just like you would with a child.

POA, yes, you can have temporary one drawn up.

For my Mom, a respite stay turned into a permanent one because she did so well.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Is it possible to bring him for a day a few times before you go. Call it "Adult Day Care" he will get used to the people. He will be able to know there is a routine.
When I placed my Husband for Respite it was in the same place Where I had been taking him for Day Care. (He/we had been asked to not return to the "official" Adult Day Program that he had been going to so I asked a local MC if they would take him for Day Care. and luckily they agreed so when I needed Respite that was the logical thing.)
I also was worried that he would decline to the point that I would be unable to bring him home. That fear never materialized.
He adjusted very well when he returned home, just like he had been gone for just the day.

Suggestions for you.
Appoint someone temporary Guardian just in case they have to make a decision on his care and the facility can not get hold of you. Make sure it is someone that you TRUST and that they are in alignment with you on any treatment.

If the facility where he is going to be will not let you bring him a few times find out if you can at least bring him for lunch. The 2 of you have a lunch and walk around the area where he will be. At least this way the area will be a bit familiar to him.

When you bring him. Keep it simple. Tell him you will see him later. And quietly leave. (to do this you might have to bring the things he will need the day before. Ask the facility what he will need for the length of time he will be there.) If you can get him involved with something to keep him occupied. (you can cry in the car)

I dropped my Husband off the day before I left. That gave me a chance to pack without him seeing a suitcase. I picked him up the day after I returned. This gave me a chance to unpack, do laundry and get some shopping done.

Anticipate that he will decline. If he does that is part of the journey with dementia. He may return to his "baseline" after he gets back home.
If he does not decline then he and you are right where you are now except you have a fresher outlook and are rested.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
ShirleyDot May 16, 2026
Great idea to drop off a day early and to pick up a day after returning. Smart ideas to reduce stress and disruption to everyone.
(2)
Report
Just a warning about what happened to my MIL when she put our great aunt in respite care for 2 weeks. My husband's great aunt was in her 90's. She was not mentally impaired but a somewhat arrogant and opinionated woman. She decided to brag to anyone who would listen (including staff) that she wasn't a "real" resident and was just staying there while her caretaker was visiting relatives out of town.
When MIL returned, her house had been vandalized and robbed. The police investigation revealed that great aunt had told everyone in respite where she lives and that no one was home. They suspected a staff or relative did the break-in. MIL was in her 80's and never thought about having someone watch her farmhouse while she was gone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sandra2424
Report
BurntCaregiver May 16, 2026
How terrible. Was anyone ever brought to justice for it?
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
You can always call the NH and ask for suggestions.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

You can't "prepare" your husband as his brain is now permanently broken.
I would tell him either the day before or the day of that you're going out of town and that he'll be in good hands while you're away.
Any time you disrupt a person with dementias routine, they will digress for a bit but hopefully once he's back home he'll readjust.
Or maybe this may just be the opportunity you need to get him permanently placed if his care's gotten to be too much for you.
Just some food for thought.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter