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Oh. H- no. Sorry. This is just a way to milk Medicare and fill pocketbooks. Let her live out her life and keep her comfortable. Hugs to you in your delima.
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When all is said and done I think the Quality of life is better than the Quantity of life.
If she has to spend the last years of her life hooked up to chemicals that will make her sick, weak and vulnerable to other infections....
As far as surgery for the spinal stenosis...With the dementia, anesthesia is not a great thing for people with dementia. She will probably not be able to participate well in rehab.
The chemo and I would imagine surgery for the breast cancer will be difficult to manage then adding the surgery for the spinal stenosis...
What I would do if this were my Mom, my Grandma, my Sister and Myself...
I would opt not to have surgery for any of it.
I would opt not to have chemo.
I would contact Hospice and prepare. If at all possible I would contact friends and schedule visits with people that I have not seen in a while. I would eat stuff that I know I shouldn't, I would read books that I should have read before.
(sort of like the Tim McGraw song)..
I would love deeper
I would speak sweeter
I would give forgiveness I'd been denying..
Live like you were dying

And one more thought..If she does not want surgery, she does not want chemo and she is "forced" or pushed into she probably would not do as well as if she wanted to "fight" this. Again Quality VS Quantity.
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cherokeegrrl54 Jan 2019
Thank you...you said it perfectly. Especially the tim mcgraw song reference....
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Cancer has become big business & profit seem to override the ethical side of prescribing chemo to the over 80 population. My frail 85 year old father was coaxed into trying “one more round “ of chemo & radiation after the doctor told him he’d only live another 6 months if he didn’t do it. He had no business convincing him of that but my father took the advice, spent his remaining time in pain & misery & died 5 weeks later. BTW the Drs wasted no time sending us an enormous bill for the failed treatment. It is beyond unethical.
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concernedpatron Jan 2019
How awful I'm so sorry! The doctor who did her surgery is convinced she removed all the cancer but the oncologist still wants her to do chemo. Seems like a sham to me.
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Her confusion could be caused by the anesthetic. She has gone under 2x since Sept. This is not good. I would hold off on the chemo till I saw a doctor well versed in Dementia. The chemo will make her sick and her immune system will be effected. She has gone thru a lot in the last few months, I wouldn't want her to go thru more. The elderly do not bounce back very well.

Like said, if its just confusion she can't make an informed decision. Since drs. feel it could be a while for cancer to grow, there is no emergency. Think about the side effects. Will they diminish her quality of life?
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As an alternative to aggressive treatment of the cancer, consider offering to take her for a consult with a hospice or palliative care team. It doesn't sound as though she'd be eligible for hospice at this point, but if she is going to refuse treatment (as is her right) she at least deserves to be comfortable.

Have you read Atul Gawande's On Being Mortal?
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concernedpatron Jan 2019
I have not but will give it a go, looks like a good read from the reviews. Thank you for your help!!
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I think that before anyone commits to chemotherapy, she needs to be seen by a geriatrics doctor to take a look at her overall physical and mental health.

She sounds confused, not incompetent. Thus, she's allowed to make a decision about chemo herself. If she's depressed and anxious, there are meds that can help with that, which help clarify her thinking a bit.
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concernedpatron Jan 2019
We have tried antidepressants and anxiety meds but she hated them. She wants no part of them.
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