I love my father to bits and would do anything for him, however I do find myself getting frustrated with him more than I should, for example when we are out he walks into me or he is so slow with everything, walking into shops or making decisions? Plus I feel I always have to make a conversation with him otherwise he doesn't talk, I also have to repeat myself a lot.
The thing is I hate myself for being moody with him as he is 71 now and I want to spend and do as much with him as I can, I am 34 and single and always make time for him, but again and again no matter how many times I tell myself not to be un-paitent with him or lose my temper, I do.
I feel like a bad person and don't want him to feel like I don't like spending time with him or that he annoys me! I wondered if this is normal with aging parents and how should I take more time to accept his age and his ways and be more understanding?
Just a note: I find that speaking slower and more distinctly, is very helpful to those whose mind does not 'catch' everything quite so quickly as it used to. Facing a person, even us middle aged people, is helpful in the hearing of a phrase or sentence. Cognition only comes if you can hear the words clearly.
My Mom asked the same question several times, within minutes. I was never sure if she forgot the answer or if she was searching to get the answer that she wanted............ It was hard for her, too, to accept that things would never be the same again,
Have a Great Day and God Bless You ALL!
I think it helps to be more patient and understanding if you know what's going on and what is causing the behavior. If what you are seeing with your dad looks unusual, then, I'd get it checked out. Even though he's not that old, he could have a condition that he is not aware of or he may not have the ability or good judgment to check it out. Who handles his doctor appointments? I might do a little checking to make sure that his doctor knows what you are seeing, so they can get him proper diagnosis and treatment, if something is off.
Do you know for sure that he's getting his meds, proper diet, hygiene, bills paid, etc.? When my LO started odd behavior, I wasn't sure what was wrong. I got so frustrated. Later, it was revealed that other things were going on too. I wish I had known, because I thought she was rude, lazy or inconsiderate.
What worked for me when I was assisting my dad was to first use the word "assisting" and never "taking care of" him.
Next, think back to when you were 8 yrs old (approx) and your father would lose his patience with you because you were stubborn and wanted to do things your own way.
Hold that thought in your head the next time you lose patience with your father. Yes, I had to do that too. In the middle of attempting to tell him how to do something - I realized things were the same, only reversed. In mid-sentence I changed to, "try it your way Pop. If it doesn't work, please let me know and together we will find a better way for you to do it." This gave him back his independence and also opened the door for him to ask for help. I never had another problem with him in the 7.5 years I assisted him after my mother passed.
If you have to remind him that you are now both adults - that's okay too. I was so blessed to know my father in a totally different capacity and it was a gift from heaven for both of us.
These are normal feelings family and caregivers experience. They can be managed in a healthy way. Not perfectly, but we try.
The best thing you can do is to just accept it and try to develop a sense of humor about it.
I think it makes me sad and then the sadness can turn to anger and frustration. I just want her to be the Mom I always knew and that's not possible so I have to adjust to who she is now. Its almost like getting to know a new person all over again.
i beat myself up when i act moody or impatience towards him as i regard our time together as precious and i dont want to tarnish that with my attitude, he is an amazing dad but i feel lm letting him down by being petty with my patience. i need to be more light-hearted
I do think you should do some reading about things like Parkinson’s, dementia, depression, and other diseases of aging.
With me, it just helped to realize that my father was a different person now, not my young robust parent of the past. My relationship is different now than I had in the past.
You are very young and this is pretty difficult to face when young.
A good friend told me, “You just have to let your Dad be who he is. We can’t change our parents to be who we want them to be.” Barring any medical problems that needed addressed, that brought me peace in my relationship with Dad.
There is a deck of cards called Chat, that has conversational questions that you might try. And maybe only plan one activity at a time so both of you aren’t overwhelmed.
Your love for your father is evident, and he feels that.
im hard on myself and i always think that he's time is limited on this earth and i need to make every second count otherwise i will have regrets and i dont want him to think of me as moody with him, i do support him and show my love in other ways, he doesn't always say i love you etc thats not the kind of family we are, i just hope that when i look after him and make sure he's ok, that he's aware of that and me being moody is just frustration from time to time on my part.
Now after 5 years of 24/7 Care for my bedridden husband and 15 years since his stroke which left him semi-disabled, I am a bitter and sometimes nasty old lady.
Make sure your father keeps up with his doctor’s appointments. 71 isn’t that old. If he is beginning to have cognitive and memory issues, he needs to be tracked for the onset of dementia/Alzheimer’s so both of you will be prepared and know what to expect. It’s a lot easier to deal with when you know what’s happening.
We are human. None of us are perfect. We have moods, good and bad, and stresses that affect us every day. We do the best we can. Those of us who have it well-handled know when things are serious enough to ask for help.
I found that I could be patient with my mother for about 2-3 hours, once a week. So that's how often I visited. When she resided in an Independent Living Facility, my visits consisted of taking her to Bed, Bath and Beyond or to get her hair cut or her pants shortened. Then we'd have tea and muffins and discuss anything that was important.
I could be patient for that long and so I limited myself to that length of time.