One guy did have her do a wire transfer, which he sent to her bank then she transferred it to someone else, but her bank caught it, stopped it and immediately froze her account. She then went in and showed her a$$. She went to another bank and opened an account because this guy said he loved her and would take care of her when he got out of the service. Then this guy tried to do a mobile deposit to that new bank. That bank didn’t catch it right away, let it go through. She then sent money immediately. The head of this office realized that check looked fake, then denied it and took her social security she got that month. So that account was closed by the bank due to a possibility of fraud. Then she went to another bank and opened another account that they then closed within a month. Then she tried online banking, but they wouldn’t accept her. Now she is at a bank at Walmart. She had a guy friend she has known for years send her $3,000.00 and then she sent $2,500.00 to a new guy she says she been talking to for a year. He said he needed the money to go on leave so he could come here to her. She believes she is in love and says this guy is everything. She told him she had early stage Alzheimer’s and he said he would take care of her. I am just at a loss as to what to do. She stopped paying her funeral plan insurance and she told me, "well, you girls just have to figure it out." Also she gets google cards and sends pics to the guy who says his name is Dean Kennedy.
All this is assuming she has no dementia. If she does you need to get guardianship and shut down the accounts quick as she is well on her way to being wiped out.
I believe either the FBI or another federal service has a specific website for scam reporting, but I don't recall offhand. You can search online for "reporting scams" and provide all the details to the Feds. If I recall correctly, at one time, our state police had a special task force to deal with scammers. I don't know it if still does.
This is not a unique experience or attack against elders; many others have reported that their elders also were scammed. In fact, several years ago when John Kerry was still a Senator, a hearing was held at which victims and/or their adult children testified as to how they had been scammed. It was quite emotional; some of the elders recognized how they have been tricked and broke down in tears while testifying.
As already advised, you need to get control of your mother's finances and take over bill payment and control of her assets so she can't be tricked into providing more funds for these dirtbags.
You might check the AARP and FTC's websites as well. If I recall correctly, AARP does write periodically about people who are scammed, not just the "love ya" scammers, but those who scam people out of their homes, and who also scam the purchasers b/c the scammers don't clear title.
There is hope though; sometime ago I read of an FBI agent who was approached by a scammer. Knowing the government operations as he does, he along with other Feds set up their own operation, tricked the scammer, caught him and I think some of his accomplices. Payback is really great!
I don’t know how to go about getting POA, but many here do. Your mom is losing her ability to make rational decisions. Maybe take away any cards she has and give her a prepaid debit card? Can you alert the bank at Walmart?
There’s a bunch of Dr Phil shows with older people who’ve been scammed like this. Can find them on YouTube and have her watch them. Might help?
As for figuring out her funeral… Since she no longer cares about her funeral, inform her that there will not be any service when she passes. Just a quick burial and the most basic grave marker. Like sticking a little cross in the ground with her name written on it with a Sharpie, and call it a day. You’ve already figured it out!
As a last ditch effort… “Mom, you’re giving away your money and several banks have told you that you’re being scammed. I’m worried you will lose everything. I think we need to get you into assisted living since you’re making these bad decisions.” That might snap her back to reality.
I would tell her, not even having a hole dug. Which is really expensive where I live.
Cremation and giving her remains to the boyfriend.
Why would her children need to take care of it when she has a young man promising to "take" care of her.
only by having legal guardianship over her can you shut down her ability to use her $ however badly she sees fit to do. Right now if she flat wants to withdraw & wire $ to a scam, neither you or the banks cannot stop her. She is fortunate that someone caught a couple and stopped payments. But it’s not the banks responsibility if mom wants to wire $ or buy credit cards and give the #s out so they can be cashed in.
Dean Kennedy…. Lol. I don’t know what it is with “dean” but apparently that name is used a lot in romance scams. Maybe it’s a Dean Martin, James Dean, hell a Dino,Desi& Billy reference that makes “Dean” work. There is a 2019 article by Jim Kreisler “The latest on Romance Scams” on the federal consumer.ftc.gov site. A ton of sad comments from women all listing the info on their “boyfriends” and how often names / photos / details all overlap but with 1 or 2 details different. There’s “Dean George”, “George Dean”, “Andy Dean George”; couple wrote their “Kennedy” seemed wrong as had accent even though he said he was related to Hyannis Pt Kennedy’s. They often say they are working on an oil rig and need $ to get back to the US and to her; or on a construction project abroad and need a bit of $ to exit customs 🛃 & they are bringing her back gifts too. Really anyone reading this….. get a nice adult beverage and read the article and the comments… there but for the grace of God go I….
If she owns her home, I’d be real concerned that eventually someone is going to create an identity as mom and use her home as collateral for lending to buy a car or get a personal loan. It won’t be an obvious known by mom or you till either payments become way over due on loans with that has moms house as collateral or when she needs to sell the place and there are judgements placed against it.
couple of things you might want to do while you mull over filing for guardianship…..
- go online for your mom and get a current copy of her credit report from the big 3. Create a gmail account in her name to request this. They probably will not send you the report online but via snail mail to her so be on the lookout. Then you can review to see if she needs to do freezes or cancel cards that look totally sketchy.
- contact a title company and have them run a title search on moms property. If anyone has placed it as collateral, it should surface.
- review her banking and make a list of all the checks or withdrawals that do not make sense.
all of this you can give the atty so they can start to build a case that guardianship is needed for financials. If things are uncovered, police reports should be filed so that that $ will not be viewed as gifting should,she later on need to apply for Medicaid to pay for LTC in a facility
Good luck & yeah it’s hard as it seems just so beyond obvious that it’s a scam. At 73 mom could live another 20 years…… she’s going to need the $.
Good luck and blessings on you for caring about her.
so far she has asked for airfare so she can come marry/take care of him.
All I hear is she is poor and needs money for food blah blah.
When i ask how she can afford internet but not food ,he responds the Kenyan government is passing out electronics and free internet.
He really wants to believe some 30 year old woman is attracted to an 87 year old man.
If He loses everything, so be it.
I also wondered if you could cancel her internet?
Your mother should watch this documentary and she’ll open her eyes. Criminals will do anything for money.
I now monitor my dad's FB, email, home phone and cell phone accounts because he got into a grant scam last fall.
Facebook -- I review his friend requests and report the fakes. If he posts anything "public" on FB, I change it to "friends only." It is a fact, the bulk of scammers reach folks because of their public posts on FB. I have a friend whose posts are always public and she always has men saying that they admire her posts and have sent her a friend request.
I investigate every phone number dad spends more than a few seconds on and if they are dubious and he can't explain them to me, I block them.
I'm going down today (he lives five hours away) and plan to visit his banks with him tomorrow and get myself set up on his accounts so that I can monitor them online.
These are the steps I've taken, hopefully some of them are useful to you.
This is happening right now to a friend of a friend. It has been going on for many months. She has lost well over $60,000 doing this.
Unfortunately, she may never accept the reality of it. There is a tip line on the FBI website for these kinds of scams. I urge you, as the daughter, to proceed with it.
And as she does have dx Alzheimer's, can you gain POA for her? Would she let you? If not, you may need to think in the long run of going to court to gain guardianship, if you want to do this. Talk to her doctor and let him/her know of your mom's behavior. It may be time to deem her incompetent. And if you can gain her confidence, take over her finances.
She should no longer have access to her funds alone.
Sounds like she should have the computer set with "parental controls" to limit access.
If this does not work It sounds like placing her in Memory Care where she does not have access to computer, going to the bank or store unaccompanied is an idea.
If you or another family member is not POA for finances someone may have to become her Guardian.
You will have to get very involved and aggressive to stop this since it's already way out of hand. Get to these guys on her phone and in her email account and let them know you're onto them and reporting them. Report them to the FBI and the sites they are being predatory on. Block them or cancel her account.
Get to a well regarded attorney to put her affairs in order, i.e. durable POA, Will/Trust, Health Care Proxy, etc. Your entire family will need to rally around Mom and stand firm in protecting her financially and emotionally. Therapy and counseling can also be helpful to her. Please keep us posted.
So what is the plan when your mother can no longer live alone? What are her finances? Do you have POA/HCPOA? Do you expect that she is going to move in with you and your family? Do you want this?
Nor should she give this stupid old woman money to pay for her living expenses or her funeral. Cremations can be done for about 1500 or she can let the state get rid of the body.
I am if the mind set that not one dime should be spent by the survivor of child abuse and child rape to the elderly abuserd.
She's madly in love. It's insane to wrap my brain around. Anyone who questions her choices (and EVERYBODY does) gets the sharp edge of her tongue. She is in love, this guys 'exists' and in the end, when she walks into church with him, what is everyone going to say then?? (They're going to think she has adopted a Nigerian orphan of the age 25 and that she's nuts is what they are going to think!)
She has actually gone to Cyprus and says she has 'met' this guy. She's working the paperwork from America to get him here, but every month he needs more money. I haven't spoken to her in a year (I told her flat out that she was a victim of an actual crime and she said I was jealous and she hasn't spoken to me since)..but at that time she was out about $20K.
She's not stupid, although I think sometimes she's lost all common sense. She won't listen to anyone, she has been warned but her company that if she is kidnapped or held against her will in any way, they will not come after her. She doesn't care.
So this is a problem that is not just for elders. She's planning on marrying this guy--even tho this 'guy' doesn't even exist.
My mom has been hit by these hustlers and what save her is the fact she cannot use her phone except to make the most simple calls and she is cheap. So she might send a $5 bill to a cause, thereby putting her name on the 'patsy list' but so far, this hasn't escalated.
Sadly, we have to watch out elders. And SHAME on the hucksters who abuse them!!
Your friend should give the TLC network a call and see if she can't get on that show '90-Day Fiance' with this scam. They have many couples on where it's an old American woman with some third-world scamming guy half her age or less who are madly "in love". At least your friend can make a few bucks from the show and they pay for international travel expenses.
As for your friend not being stupid. Well, the evidence speaks for itself. A friend of my family who wasn't a senior lost everything she had to a romance scam that she insisted was real. There was a forest of red flags staring her in the face, but she refused to see. She refused to listen to reason either. So she lost everything and lives a most humble and modest lifestyle now. Nowhere near the quality of life she had before she discovered internet romance.
She cannot be left on her own anymore. People make the mistake of thinking a person with Alzheimer's/dementia is coping all right if they're keeping up on their hygiene, not wearing dirty clothes, not peeing and crapping themselves, or not living in a hoarded home of squalor. This isn't true. A person can have advanced Alzheimer's/dementia and still seem like they are coping and managing well enough. They aren't. Your mother isn't either.
Make a call to APS and talk with them. Then visit the probate court in the town your mother lives in to petition for conservatorship/guardianship over her. If you don't want the responsibility, the court will appoint someone. It won't be free. A court-appointed conservator gets paid and well. Most of the time it's a lawyer or social worker.