Last time mom said that Michou (me) send her regards to me. I was so surprised I answered that I was Michou! She laughed and said : you are my first born! (I’m an only child). Later she presented me correctly as her daughter Michou.
Some other time before this when she looked at me she said : I don’t recognize you, you are family, aren’t you?
She doesn’t have good sight. So I thought she didn’t see me correctly. After so many years, my denial is still strong!
At the residence they say to go with the delusion, ok, but how?
Thank you!
It’s another form of agony, at least for me. For her, as long as I go with her delusion (2h conversation about her plush robot dog) she’s fine. I’ll maintain the illusion. I’ll find my own way to cope.
God bless you and your loved ones
If she asked that you might be family, I'd likely say that I am your family and love you. And play it by ear if that is unsettling to her.
I stopped asking her about knowing names or if she knew me. It was obvious she didn't. So, I would just approach her with a big smile, touch her arm lightly and give a compliment, before beginning my visit. I always say, how lovely she looks in that nice top, her hair is so pretty, etc. I talk about my parents, give update on them, the weather, show her photos on my phone, just as if she does not have dementia. I don't expect any response and do not get any.
You might take her things that she likes to discuss. My LO loved animals, especially cats, so there were always cat pictures, cat t-shirts, things she would enjoy to talk about. It didn't really matter who I was. But, I can imagine that for a daughter, that would be painful and quite an adjustment, so, I know that must be tough.
Brest of luck
One blessing occurred when I stopped at her apt to pick her up so that she could attend a party at my parents' house. When I opened the car door so that Grandma could get into my car, she commented, "You got a new car! I like it!" And even though Grandma had seen this car a couple of times since I had gotten it 6 months earlier; it was a blessing that she realized that this car was different from the car that I had driven for almost 10 years. You take your blessings when they happen. 😊
Not sure if this is a good or bad thing but maybe you will learn some family history you never knew about. It's the feeling of the visit/conversation that's important, the time spent together for each of you not the setting or actual words spoken, that unspoken stuff is what's precious now. Enjoy this time living in your moms time a place.
I hear the same stories over and over. I find I ask questions in different ways which take us down new paths. Photos are a blessing as they jog the memories. If they don't recognize you have them tell you about there life and family. This will help bring them into present day.
In many ways this is like playing a game with the person. You will master it and learn to enjoy it. If and when they get angry, walk away. You can't argue with someone that is confused. Just take a break.
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