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This is so upsetting and aggravating even though the reason is obvious. Just say, "Hi, I am xxxx. How are you today?" Don't confuse her with explanations.
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Llamalover47 May 2019
Riley: Great one!
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All of these answers are what I would have told you. My experience with my mom was quite different, she did forget both of my siblings, she thought my brother was her husband and when he visited she call him your father. She talked all the time on the phone to both my sister and brother and their families with no trouble. It was only when she saw them that she did not know who they were. My dad was in a NH and I took her to visit him every day. Most of the time she would wander around visiting other people she did not even know instead of staying to visit dad. When she became ill and had to go to the hospital, she called all of her nurses by my name. And when I had her in day care she sometimes called one or another of her care givers by my name. She always wanted to come early to get her daughters dinner. Till the day she died she never forgot me and sometimes if she did not like what I was doing for her she let me know in no uncertain terms that SHE was the mother not me. She would get that look in her eye that we kids knew meant she was not fooling around. I feel blessed that she never forgot me and I wondered how the rest felt when she did not know them. But they all "went with the flow". I hope these comments help you. Just don't get upset if today you are a stranger to her because maybe tomorrow you will be her child again. The mind is a very strange and wonderful thing, but it is best not to disagree with her because all that does is make it worse.
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Michou May 2019
Yes the mind is strange and wonderful.
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4 years ago, my mom thought I was her sister and always talk to me that way. My daughter oh, her granddaughter, was planning her wedding and she was always "that girl who works with you."

After my daughter got married, after not knowing who she was for a year, my mom asked how Jennifer was doing and if her husband fit into our family okay! I haven't even used her name in most of that time because she didn't know who Jennifer was. She came up with that name on her own when we were talking over the telephone.

My daughter has a two-year-old son now, named Sam. When I talk to my mom and mention Sam's name, she smiles and seems to remember exactly who that is! She has only seen him in person oh, but when I go about once a month to visit her oh, I do show her pictures.

The mind is a mysterious thing!
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Michou May 2019
Yes, the mind is mysterious : still this last glitch, mom always recognizes me. It is puzzling. The worst is never know. I must learn to let go and go with what it is in the now of our meeting.
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When she presented you as her 1st born she was right.

As difficult as it is, just realizing that it is the disease and not your mom not recognizing you can make it less painful.

My granny would tell me that her daughter never came to visit while said daughter was at the same table. I don't think she knew who I was, I think she thought I was my mom when she was young. She did know that I was someone that loved her and that she was happy to be with, that was all that really mattered in the end.

Just laugh or ignore whatever gets you through the pain. She wouldn't do it on purpose to hurt you, hopefully. (My mom might)

Love her and be someone that she is happy to be with in the moment, knowing that she loves you.

Hugs, this is a rotten disease.
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Pops hasn't really understood who I am since his accident in 2003. He gets people all jumbled up in his mind and there's really no logic to what comes out of his mouth most times. In his mind there is no problem in him believing he is 16 and belieiving I'm his adult child both at the same time. I might be his sister, his mother or just some lady who insists on bossing him around. It's the same with our kids. He might think my daughter is his wife or girlfriend or that one of our sons is his father. We play along as much as is decent and feasible. When lines are crossed into the bizarre we distract, re-direct etc. For instance if he wants to call me mom all day that's fine. If he wants to reach under our 21 year old daughters clothing because he thinks she's his wife or girlfriend that's not fine. See? Good luck, it's a learning experience and even after 16 year on this journey I still find myself forgetting and correcting him from time to time.
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Thank you all of you for having take the time to share your experiences and very good advices. God bless you all and bring you all the comfort and strengths you need.

Now mom recognizes me again, but when her memory will fail again, I’ll remember all of your sharing, advice and experiences and it will be far less dramatic. Because I won’t feel so lonely :You’ll be there, sort of!
Thank you!
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disgustedtoo May 2019
Happy to hear back that at least for now she knows you again. But you realize now that from time to time you may just have to 'go with the flow'.

One time when I was visiting mom, a staff member was telling another visitor to just 'be in the moment', like her... I wasn't really in the moment, but I understood what she was telling him! So far the only time mom didn't recognize me was in that recent picture my daughter wanted of the three of us.

The hard part for me is that she is partly living in the past and thinks her parents are alive. I'm not about to tell her they are not - it is pointless because it will hurt her AND she won't remember it, so we'd have to tell her over and over, hurting her each time! We just have to have a large repertoire of excuses, explanations, plausible reasons why we can't call or visit, etc.

Well, hopefully things will go well for you, and as you said, when the going is tough, remember we ARE all behind/next to you!! :-)
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We never really understood why but my FIL did not recognize his own children but when we visited he knew me!  Once he got that, he would then know his son.  Only thing we could figure was that he always knew me as an adult but thought of his kids as children.  We always let him lead the conversation and if it went somewhere that upset him we could redirect.
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disgustedtoo May 2019
That might be a possible explanation (not being the "child".) Early on with mom, she would know who my SIL was, but started thinking my daughter was her cousin... My kids don't see her much (she's in MC, year 3) and when I show her pix, she isn't clear who is who - of course losing short term memory, drifting back in time, memories of them are fading. At Xmas, doing up cards for her to send, she didn't know my YBs daughter's names, yet spent years doting on them! We had staff stake a pic of me, mom and my daughter - the first time I showed it to her (pictures have helped some recall) she asked who those two "girls" are (me & D), the second time she asked if that was Nana in the middle (meaning her mother, pointing to herself!) Self image is of a younger self, so it is plausible that they remember us a children, not who we are today.

She's into asking about her mother (or going there/calling her), so we're now into time over 40 years ago! Still mostly able to care for herself, uses a walker, but memories are clearly out of whack!
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If you can handle the delusions, just tell her who you are or make up a name and say you are visiting her. No sense in trying to explain and make yourself upset and frustrated and angry. Then redirect the conversation. On the other hand, if this is really affecting you very negatively and you can't handle it too well, think of yourself first and get up and remove yourself from being in that situation. Try again another time. It takes patience and tolerance and not everyone can possess that.
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Hello Michou. When I became my Mothers full time Carer I had to learn every thing because I knew absolutely nothing, hence I read extensively and this Site was so helpful too.
(1) When visiting Your Mom always engage at Her level and never stand over Her and talk down on Your Mom. ( If Your Mom is in bed kneel by the bed so You will be at eye level.
(2) Always hold Moms hand and tell Her how much You love Her and that You are so thankful for all Your Mom has done for You.
When You keep doing this Michou Your beautiful Mom will know Who You are instantly. I would never just go along with a delusion as You will bring the greatest Joy back into Your Moms Life.
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it is odd what they forget . My mother has not been consistently able to read or right well for a number of months. She is getting treatment for her macular degeneration so maybe that explains it ( although her vision hasn’t markedly improved) but today she showed the woman who feeds her cat a note, she said from me and said she didn’t understand what it meant but assumed she was supposed to give it to the cat lady lol. . It was my mother’s own writing , made no sense but evidently she no longer recognizes her own writing( mine never has been similar to hers so no way they would ever be confused) . She had taped it to the cabinet. Then yesterday she questioned my husband at length about a disabling illness I have had since 1988, said she had no idea I was sick etc etc. he said it was obvious she totally forget about it . ( wish I could lol) so it’s not short term, it’s long term too. But I know with her( she has delusions) it doesn’t matter what you say or do, that is irrelevant to what she will remember. The only thing our actions might sway or hopefully ally is her anger and frustration but not her memory.
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