I always tell her I don’t know. I know she can’t go home, she doesn’t. Caregivers there tell her covid is going on and she needs to stay there. I remind her that they are taking good care of her there. I feel guilty. Do they ever stop asking? Is this normal? Sometimes she says she’s in prison, not sure, if she’s joking or not... I don’t ask. She doesn’t realize she has dementia
As I know for over 2 years now is that it is all he remembers, what he used to do when he was healthier and younger that has been his hobby for as long as I can remember.
If your mom has a neuro dr talk to the neuro so the dr plays along with the waiting to get better.
It is not easy but it is part of this terrible and cruel illness.
Best wishes to you and yours
They could have easily chosen from 3 nursing homes in my area but they put him in a facility an hour away from me when they're only 15 and don't visit. Nope, not doing it anymore and will continue to do what I can.
Still wish that he could be closer so I could visit more and then see if his outlook would change but without guardianship, I will not be able to move his residency.
I've become such a liar...but here are some concrete 'lies' that have worked for me so far..
I tell her I am actively looking for a house in the neighborhood that she calls 'home'...."haven't been able to find one yet...and have you seen the price of housing these days??" Then show her (using a website) what she can get for the money she has.
I told her she burned down her kitchen (grabbed a burned kitchen picture off the internet) and we are still doing repairs....
When she begs me....I just respond with "Mom, I promise you I am doing everything I can to help you". "I'll do my best" "hopefully it will work out" and so on and so forth.
The lie about the Dr. saying she can't go home yet doesn't really work for me, she just insists I call him right that minute and get him to release her.
The good thing is I can tell her something different each and every time...because she doesn't remember the lies I've already told. :(
What a horrible disease. It helps me to think of it not as guilt...but grief. I am so sorry that my Mom has to deal with the broken brain, and I miss the Mom I used to have. I am grieving who she used to be.
I am sorry this is happening to you, too.
Hugs.
You don't have to avoid all conversations just because they don't make sense to you. Yes, you can redirect and deflect and avoid the topic, but maybe you can also just have the conversation. You also don't have to tell the truth, because you know she's not going home, but she doesn't know that. You could say, "in a couple of days".
Do they ever stop asking? There's no way to predict this. My mother never asks this question, but another woman at her facility asks it constantly.
Visit your mom, try to find something pleasant to do with her while you are there. Be in the moment with her, because that's where she is. Be with her, in the moment. Join the journey.
This is getting harder to deal with. I know I just need to keep putting her off, but it gets harder. Mom has always been pushy.
I too get heartbroken and some nights I toss and turn wondering how he is doing and if he is getting adequate care or if it’s just another version of the care he was receiving at home with the exception of getting meds on time and meals.
All I know is that last night even reading this post made me very, very sad and I could not handle any input until today. However, I was glad to see truth that they may never stop asking and read some fresh ideas from others. I have to mentally prepare for my visits and if I ever find a way to make other arrangements I may or may not try.
I'm so so thankful for you posting this question first of all and thankful for those posting with honesty!