My mother has been taking care of my grandmother for the last 2 years. She is bed ridden, cannot take care of herself and is under Hospice care. My mother cannot physically or mental continue to care for her. My grandmother's social worker has found a very nice hospice facility that has a space for her immediately. The only caveat is that my grandmother refuses to go. Apparently she needs to give her consent and cannot be taken there against her will. But, if she doesn't go there will be no one to care for her. I was wondering what my mother's legal rights are. We were told that if she leaves it would be considered abandonment? My grandmother is dying and needs more care than anyone outside of the medical profession can give her. We do not want to lose the space at the Hospice so time is of the essence. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any help would be greatly appreciated. She lives in California. Thank you!
You care for them both & seem in a tough spot - tell granny what your concerns are - quite often very ill people become extremely ego-centric to point of selfishness - they stop seeing beyond themselves plus everyone hides bad news from them to protect them so they are unaware of everything around them - granny may be unaware of how bad off mom is
I would suggest that you hire caregivers at night and maybe a nurse during the day (to give meds). Once your grandma sees that her daughter (your mom) isn't coming back, she might consent to go to the hospice. If there is not enough money to hire people, call her social worker to see if she can apply for emergency Medi-Cal and sign up for IHSS (In home support services) and see what other paid services would be available to her, so she could remain at home.
Once your mother leaves, your grandmother may realize she would be alone (without family) and want to be cared for at the hospice. Every effort should be given to keep GM at home BUT she may need to adapt to living at hospice if no other solution can be found.
There is a separate legal definition of abandonment that the State of California lays out and it is also vague. It talks about providing care that any "reasonable person" might provide. However the example that a number of legal websites note is the same one: a case where a facility lost its license and the staff abandoned ship, leaving two men (a janitor and a cook) to care for the 14 residents on their own.
Typically abandonment laws are to protect elders from literal abandonment (e.g. someone depositing a dementia patient off at a hospital/nursing home entrance without advance notice to the facility) or financial abuse.
Who told you your mom could be charged with abandonment? If it was just an acquaintance I would disregard that. If it was the social worker or another "mandated reporter" then your mom can document when and with whom she's spoken about your grandma needing more care. Maybe the Dept. of Aging or Catholic Social Services know of elder law attorneys who will do a reduced-rate consult about how to handle this?
As someone else mentioned, if your grandma is "competent" it's hard to argue that your mom needs to make her decisions for her or even to make arrangements for her care. It's been a few days since you originally posted; maybe your grandma just needed some time to think about things. But your mom sounds like she is already burnt out with caregiving; it's more realistic (and more compassionate) to do what you are doing and try to make sure your grandma is attended, even if it's not at home. I hope you all are doing ok.
I know it's a white lie -- except for the vacation part -- but once she is established in the facility she will probably like the routine and care there.
Believe me, grandma will not be abandoned, someone will be there, someone. You may not recognize this, but if you're not cut out for caregiving and you get to your human wits end like the OP mentioned her mom has done, then mom has done grandma a huge favor. You may not realize this, but when people push themselves over the edge, this is where elder abuse happens. I even saw this with a lady who ran a private group home with a few down syndromes in her custody. I don't think she was ever even cut out for the job, she was always physically abusing those girls during my very short stay at 14 months in that home when I needed emergency placement. What I saw and heard made me think that the house parent was at times going to kill one specific girl and I was scared! I only wish the house parent would've walked away and surrendered the girls. I think what held her back from doing that is she knew she was getting paid by the state to keep them because if you lived under her roof, she got your whole check. Yes, she even got my whole check for the direction of time I was there and all I was allowed by law was 50 bucks each month. I don't know if the mom was getting paid to care for grandma, but either way money is not worth putting someone else's life at risk if you're not cut out for caregiving, it's just not worth it. Money can easily be replaced but never a human life, ever. The mother is right to walk away because she's actually doing it for the safety of the patient. As long as there's someone there, grandma is not being abandoned.
Grandma has the right to die at home with dignity surrounded by the comforts of home and those who want to be there, even family. Just because someone is dying doesn't necessarily mean they don't have rights, they tend to have more rights, most people just don't know it. It seems like when you reach a certain age, I've noticed how those rights actually increase from what I've noticed. It seems like our elders are protected even more than one ther. Just because someone is dying doesn't necessarily mean they don't have rights, they tend to have more rights, most people just don't know it. It seems like when you reach a certain age, I've noticed how those rights actually increase from what I've noticed. It seems like our elders are protected even more than one there were younger, and grandmas right to go at home if she doesn't want to be institutionalized should be supported and protected, especially if she is bed-bound
You know, you can have caregivers come to grandmas home to care for her in her last days, she has the right to die at home as I mentioned before, don't take that right away from her and force her into an institution because it will one day happen to you at the end of your life. I strongly believe in God's word that what goes around comes around. If you take away someone else's rights, yours will be taken. If you take away your grandma's right to die at home and not provide for the support of that right, you yourself will also face your own problem in some way or another. Someone can easily come in and take care of grandma and her last days, especially if she already has in-home hospice care. A dear friend of mine just recently lost her mom and she meaning the mom was able to go at home very peacefully, and that was her right which was supported by people with morals and a heart for supporting the rights of dying people. I'm glad that patient got to live out her last days at home surrounded by family. There's nothing like the comforts of home
A friend of mine gave me some sage advice on the concept of caring for a loved one and having it be too demanding: She said, " when you get instructions on an airplane on who to use the oxygen, the fight attendant will tell you to put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on your children." The point being, that if your mother can't breathe, your grandmother cannot get what she needs. So see if either of my suggestions is workable.
Then, after 30 days or so, the temporary guardianship would end and responsibility transfer back to your mom. Hopefully, your mom has POA that can be invoked once grandmother is hospitalized.
Have a meeting with your social worker and grandma's dr and see if they can help expedite temporary guardianship (health) for grandma and get her placed.
If that doesn't work; see if doctor or hospice representative can come into the home and convince grandma that hospice outside the home is best for her care and well being and that it isn't advisable to stay in the home, yada yada. -- maybe others will be more persuasive than family.
Good luck.
Is GM still in her home and receiving care from mom? Unfortunately mom could be charged with abandonment if she leaves without proper notification to POA. Is there someone threatening your mom?
Get an elder law attorney to advise mom. She can leave but needs to go about it the right way. Tell those in charge that she will not provide the care, and other arrangements must be made.
It's a terrible position for your mother and your grandmother. So very sad.
When legal ramifications enter the picture it seems to require an attorney.
Is your GM competent? I assume there are no other family members to take over for your mom. It's such a terrible burden for your mom to be in such a position. I can't imagine. Did your GM just recently go on hospice? Could your mom manage to visit with GM in the hospice facility? To sit with her there while others did the nursing? I'm sorry I'm not more help. Perhaps someone with more direct experience will answer.